I Wonder What Tom Waits' Christmas Cards Look Like?

So this is blogging, and what have you done?  Well, what I've done is made a pact with Beth that we'd both post something by January 15, 2011.  Here goes nothing, or at least, very little!

The sadness I feel over my annual Christmas card judgery coming to an end is tempered with the satisfaction of having added a couple of new categories this time around.

Being a fan of traditions I approve of, it's nice to see my brother continuing to stand at the top of the Cheapest Card category, something the cards he sends have trouble doing.  The paper stock they're on has a sturdiness that allows the card to bow to you as you help it to its feet but sadly, not to stand back up.  Sealing his win is the Costanza-grade glue that makes the near translucent envelope it comes in virtually impenetrable.  Well done brother!

One of the newly inaugurated categories is Smallest Card, created in honour of one of my sisters.  The  card she sent, while lovely, is small enough to qualify as a gift tag.  I have the feeling someone at her house this year got a present with a very large 'tag' on it!

In previous years, I discounted the worth of photo cards.  While they tend to stand up better than my brother's, most people's kids just aren't as cute as their parents think they are.  My opinion was swayed however after receiving cards from my niece and nephew.

My niece's daughter beams in her close up head shot, eyes wide and sparkling and tongue casually lolling at the side of her mouth - now that's a photo card!  My nephew's son beams adorably from each of the many shots making up a montage of the places he's visited and lived this past year.  It's simply too close to call Best Photo Card although they should be happy they're even in a category, right?  There might have been a tiebreaker if only a third photo card from a friend hadn't ended up in the Latest Received category (I got it today!).  Since it's already a winner and a loser, it's out of the running.

As for me, I'm glad my own cards were sent fairly early this year because my fingers are practically numb from playing so much Flight Control.  If this keeps up, next year I'll be designing my own foot and mouth painted cards.  Watch your mail!

Until then, Happy New Year!


The Vegetable Assassin said...

Merry Christmas dude. If it helps my brain is a frazzled mess from also playing "Flight Control" (THEY KEEP ADDING ADDICTIVE AIRPORTS!). People better pray I never ACTUALLY have to land planes in real life or everything is going to hell.

Also, there's this one airport I cannot effing DEAL with. Seriously, my high score is like...30 on it. It makes me growl.

Chancelucky said...

Welcome back, Dale.

BeckEye said...

Ah, a Dale post. Santa came, after all!!

My dad has never done this with Christmas cards, but he's been known to give people birthday cards that are really, say, "Get Well" cards that came from one of those veterans groups that sends out free cards to people. He just crosses out the "get well" sentiment and writes in "Happy Birthday." As long as there's money in it, though, I usually don't care.

X. Dell said...

I would figure Tom Waits' Christmas card would be bery much like the cheap, falling down ones sent by your brother. On the inside, the text would read, "This Christmas card's been drinking. Not me. Not me."

BTW, seems as thought you've beaten Beth to the punch.

Cormac Brown said...

You are going to get Beth to post?

You are going to get Beth to post?

You need to play the lottery, because you are on a serious roll.

Oh, and a very Happy New Year!

Zed said...

Wow. I'm so happy to see you posted, Dale! Such a nice end-of-year present. I hope you stick around for a while. (Hey, who am I to talk? I'm just back from a three-year blogging hiatus myself.)

I loved your Christmas Card post. Fact is, I don't send Christmas cards any longer. And if anyone should ask if I sent one to them, I pull the old "You didn't get it? ... Really? ... Oh. ... [Here my facial expression shifts to great concern.] It must have gotten lost in the mail." Such a supremely tacky scheme, I know, but they buy it, I'm redeemed, it saves me a ton of time and money, and it's all good.

But I sent you one this year, Dale. Honest. Really I did. Didn't you get it?

(Welcome back, Dale.)

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I received a couple of cards today too, plus a message from my SIL that she was sending the Christmas parcel out next week. Why the hell bother at this point? Send it to me next year.

So glad that you and Beth are coming back to the blogosphere though! We missed you!

Dale said...

Same to you Ms. Assassin. 30? Which airfield is that? You're not working hard enough!

Thanks Chancelucky, will I be welcoming you back soon?

Merry Christmas Baby, I mean Beckeye! That's hilarious, your Dad is smart and so are you, it's all about the money!

You're probably completely correct about Mr. Waits' cards X. Dell! I did beat Beth but I'll be the one with bruises when she gets all brilliant again.

That's what I hear Cormac, I'm all about making your dreams come true! :-)

I didn't get your card Zed but I'm sure you got mine, right? I'm so damned happy to see you again! Happy New Year!

Your SIL is a little slow on the uptake isn't she Barbara? I'd tell her you plan to open it eventually. I missed you too by the way. Pressure's on for me to post again though now isn't it?

SkylersDad said...

(imagine my spot-on Jack Nicholson impression here)...

Well well well. Looky at who we have here popping up on the ol reader boys and girls?

He thinks he can just drop in for one quick post does he?

(Jack Nicholson off)

Welcome back good sir, please stay and have a wonderful 2011.

Sans Pantaloons said...

Merry Christmas Dale!
Have a very acceptable and comfortable 2011, Sir.

At this time of year, I also have difficulty standing.

KK said...

I have done everything except the dreaded tickle torture to try to get Beth to blog something.

If you are successful, then I will bow and call you master!


Dale said...

Your impression is surprisingly great Skyler's Dad! I'll try and stay a little while :-)

Thanks Sans! Comfort and joy to you too my friend.

No bowing allowed Keith, she wanted to do it all on her own. Now she just has to do it!

偵探社 said...

hooray, your writings on theater and writing much missed!

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Keep the faith, my Internet friend. You are a first-class writer and deserve to be heard.

Coaster Punchman said...

I used to buy cheap cards but, well, now I can never do that again lest I win your award.