7/22/2008

Noises Off

As I sat on the deck looking for clouds in my coffee a few mornings ago, a small noise niggled at my eardrums.  I couldn't quite place it (a baby? a bird?) and then it stopped, allowing a return to my regularly scheduled deep thinking.

After a moment or two, I glanced to my right and was surprised to see a black and white kitten beside my chair, no doubt the source of the earlier noise. I'm not sure how motionless I'd been to that point but the mere act of turning my head startled the poor thing into scampering away to safety (I hope!).

Last night while sitting out, I heard another odd noise, this time, a dull scratching sound. After a quick investigation, I realized it was coming from inside the downspout attached to the side of the house. Might it be my little kitten with a whip in distress? Looking at how small the end of the drain was, I settled on it likely being a bird or mouse with a terrible sense of direction.

As I'd not done a good deed in a number of days, I decided to try and free the source of the noise. I detached the long arm of the drain that extends into the yard to keep water away from the house but the noise was definitely coming from further up the pipe. With probably not enough care, I teetered from the seat of a chair onto the rail of the deck, reached into the eaves and snaked a garden hose into the drain opening. I got down without breaking my neck or my stride and turned the water on gently so as not to drown whatever had Baby Jessica'd itself in there.

The water began running through. Nothing...nothing...some muck...nothing...more muck and then...a small stick. No, not a stick, it moved! A leg? Could it be a tiny leg? My heart raced as I imagined starring in a very special episode of The X Files. Then what looked to be a large clump of dirt started coming through the open end of the drain and after a great plunk, I had my answer. The clump was actually a rather large frog. It tucked its errant leg back into position and sat there, traumatized but breathing.

I turned the hose off and we stared at each other, neither of us sure of the protocol. A couple of minutes into this, I decided it was my move. Picking up a watering can and emptying it slowly over the frog, I washed away his sins and helped him find his legs again. As he hopped off into the bushes leaving me to my mild revulsion, I wondered when to expect the locusts.

29 comments:

Flannery Alden said...

I'd be more worried about a plague of kittens...especially when they simultaneously start horking up fur balls.

Franki said...

Damn, Dale. I didn't know you could do baptisms!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

You're just like sexy Jesus! Looking forward to the Broadway version.

mellowlee said...

Whew, I thought for sure the kitty got stuck in there somehow. Dumb frog!

Creepy said...

Don't sweat it, that was probably a toad, not a frog (commonly mixed up).

Did you lick it?

genn6 said...

LOL Flann!

It is our job/duty as the most civilized species on the earth (and the one who invents all these nifty little gadgets like drains that our less-civilized counterparts have to just get accustomed to) to help them out every once in a while...

Dale said...

When they have the whips, that's when I get scared Flannery, and maybe a little excited.

I have the power to pour water Franki, it's a great responsibility!

I haven't decided if it'll be a musical or who will play me yet Barbara but I'll save you a seat.

The kitten should really make another appearance Mel just to show me it cares.

It may have been a toad Creepy but it was massive and very unlickable.

Usually, I prefer just talking dirty to the animals Genn6 but I'll help out if it means no creepy noises.

Tanya Espanya said...

Ohmygod, you guys, this is too funny! Do you think the frog ate the kitten?

Dale, I'm never letting you babysit my baby!

X. Dell said...

Flannery, I don't remember the plague of kittens in the OT. I don't think Jaweh would have been that cruel.

Dale, you seem to be attracting the small critters. Must be some kind of (ahem!) animal magnatism.

Glad to see you're back on the air. You are going to drop by the X-Spot, aren't you?

Coaster Punchman said...

Ach du lieber, you're back! I don't have time to read this right this second but will be back soon.

Gifted Typist said...

You frog enabler, you

Evil Genius said...

Dale,

Starting extensive toad/rescuer protocol research. Will forward my findings upon completion.

-EG

Falwless said...

If you wrote a book I would totally read it. Probably on the toilet, but I'd read it, nonetheless. And I'd probably pass it around to my friends because it'd probably be effing awesome. Very probable are these probabilities.

Get to typin', son.

Les Becker said...

Now, Dale, why wouldn't you kiss it?! Where's your guts?

Dr Zibbs said...

Call a priest! NOW!

Cormac Brown said...

You know Canadian law dictates that you cannot shield frogs from the Québécois, right?

pistols at dawn said...

You have the power to wash away sins? Can you take that power to a bikini carwash?

Bluez said...

maybe the frog ate the kitty

Sans Pantaloons said...

Compassion of the Dale.

Distributorcap said...

what a mensch..........

Chancelucky said...

Did you try feeding the frog to the kitten?

Dale said...

Everything I do Tanya is to ensure I never have to sit with that demon child of yours. Take good care of my baybee!

You know how they say things come in threes X. Dell? Another animal encounter posting coming up shortly. And yes, I'll be by of course, I miss y'all when I'm too lazy / busy to read.

I am no longer planning a post about people who say 'just checking in, too busy to read' Coaster Punchman so you're safe. Hi! How've you been? Busy? :-)

I feel so dirty Gifted Typist, so very dirty.

Evil Genius - please don't. Or do and make it funny.

If it will help make you regular Falwless, I'll do it! You can be my #2.

It would have turned me guts Les!

I fear it would hasten a rain of blood Dr. Zibbs.

Well played Cormac Brown, and nothing shields us from them either. Hi Tanya's husband!

My hose is long enough Pistols, I'll do it!

I'm not sure who'd win the standoff Bluez.

Maybe 'Occasional Compassion of the Dale' Sans, haha.

Passion of the Mensch. Have you been talking to Sans Pantaloons up above you there DCap?

I'm just going to throw them both into Honeypot's yard and see what happens Chancelucky.

Cormac Brown said...

"Hi Tanya's husband!"

D'oh!

Jane Austen Jr. said...

Tanya, are you worried that Dale would lose your baby in a pipe, or that he would eat him?

Dale, did you kiss the frog?

Jane Austen Jr. said...

Looking back at my comment, I'm not sure why I thought Dale would eat the baby...it made perfect sense two minutes ago...

Dale said...

It's okay Cormac, he's always on vacation, no time to read this.

Tanya knows I'd sell that baby Jane Jr. He's cute and still has the blue eyes so he'd fetch a good price. And if you've met him, he's one of those, I'm going to eat your toes babies - in a word, adorable. Or, edible.

Coaster Punchman said...

I'm rather sad not to know what became of the kitty.

But that is a funny story.

Dale said...

Kitty's fine CP, I've seen him/her traipsing around ignoring me after the fright I gave him/her.

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