9/18/2009

And I Will Send Hornets Before Thee



Standing in one of the side by each lines waiting for the train a few days ago, I had nothing better to do than have a lazy look around at my fellow waiters.

In the line next to me but a couple of people ahead stood a woman minding her own business, headphones in, engrossed in her reading. With a bit of minor craning, I could see she was reading some sort of bible study material. For someone who claims to eschew all things religious (except for gospel music which I love), it seems I'm forever rubbing up against it.

I'd have quickly lost interest if a hornet buzzing around the platform (they're everywhere, including my last post) hadn't landed on the top of her hair. It walked around a little and settled at the back of her shoulder length hair as though it was home. She didn't notice and I wondered back to my etiquette classes trying to remember whether it was acceptable to swat the back of a stranger's head or not.

I considered tapping her on the shoulder to tell her about it but imagined her screaming and running away swatting wildly and me being convicted on the testimony of a pack of unreliable witnesses. I decided it was up to Jesus to take care of her considering she had his whole world in her hands.

Two other people also noticed the hornet in her hair and did about as much as I did. We were waiting to see how it all played out. I'm afraid poor Kitty Genovese wouldn't have gotten much help from our unholy trinity.

As the train pulled up and the doors opened, the hornet held his position and boarded with his hostess. As she sat down, her little passenger flew up the stairs to the upper deck of the car.
I cannot provide details on whether panic eventually ensued up there as I promptly drifted off to sleep, my keen disinterest intact. Forgive me Father, for apparently, I do not care.

17 comments:

X. Dell said...

(1) Kitty Genovese is kind of a sore point, amongst New Yorkers. They really don't mind getting involved, for the most part, if the situation is unambiguous--like your bee-in-the-mane dilemma.

(2) Swatting at the back of someone's head to remove a hornet (or blowing on it, which often works) isn't usually considered rude, since most of us would prefer a soft slap to a sharp sting. But there is the chance that the hornet is her pet. In that case, killing it would have been tantamount to murder.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

The worst thing about this time of year is the damn wasps. Making me run around flailing my limbs maniacally and yelling like a spaz. Stupid wasps. Making me do that.

SkylersDad said...

That is why I always have my trusty can of bug killer on hand to spray in an unsuspecting persons hair.

Doc said...

That's what she gets for using fruity smelling shampoo!

Doc

Cormac Brown said...

You wouldn't have won in this incident, no matter what. What were you to do? Slap her? Put a cup on her head? Tell her? Blow smoke at the hornet?

No, blogging up the whole incident is the best way to go.

PJ said...

I have a phobia of wasps, etc (even your pic freaked me out a bit) so I had a lot of sympathy with your bible reader (especially as she was only reading and not preaching...).

You should have grabbed her good book and smashed that wicked creature into nothingness.

Melly/Melody/or Mel said...

I like the idea of hitting her on the head with her bible. Maybe the hornet was Jesus..reincarnated.

Blanche said...

Hi Dale!!

Cormac is right, best just to blog about it however if that were me I would have appreciated the swat..

Coaster Punchman said...

It's best that you didn't risk your life - you could have gotten stung, or worse, caught in the cross-fire as the Jesus freak went apeshit, limbs flailing madly about.

Wasn't Kitty Genovese a mobster's daughter anyway? Who would want to get messed up in that? New Yorkers are smart.

Coaster Punchman said...

I meant to add that Torontans are also, apparently, smart.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Remind me never to ride the train with you during stinging winged insect season.

Prunella Jones said...

Possibly walking around with a hornet on her head is part of her religion? You know, like Mormons wear magic underwear? And if you'd pointed it out she only would have seized the opportunity to try and convert you to her freaky, hornet wearing beliefs. In that case ignoring it was the wisest move.

Beth said...

Last night I dreamed you swatted the back of my head, claiming to be saving me from death by hornet.

VE said...

I would have pulled out a big huge can of hornet spray (of course I carry that around) and doused her entire body with it and then convinced her she should thank me. But that's just me...

Gifted Typist said...

isn't this the pot calling the kettle black, bumble bee boy

justacoolcat said...

Lucky for you my personal jesus loves to be rubbed up against.

Dale said...

The New Yorkers are forgiven, it could have happened anywhere X. Dell. I'm against murder so I'm glad I stayed out of it!

I'd laugh if I saw it on TV Veggie Assassin but not directly at you.

Do you use a lighter with the spray too SD? That would be effective!

If it's not the mother who gets blamed Doc, it's the fruity shampoo and for good reason.

Thank you Cormac, doing the 'write' thing makes more sense.

You want me to give Jesus a smackdown then Melly? Okey dokey!

I will try and remember to swat you Blanche should this ever be an issue for us.

Torontonians are fairly smart, we know our insect bible protocols CP! We also understand mob mentality.

There's always trouble with me no matter the season Barbara!

Haha, you're probably right Prunella! She probably believes in a hiver power.

I would never knowingly swat you Beth.

You've got style and that's why you're my go-to on these dilemmas VE.

It's me calling the kettle African American, GT.

You win for that one Justacoolcat. Nobody else would touch it!