Hairy Krishna

What is it with my face? And specifically my facial hair?

Every winter, because I’m lazy and because I’m told it looks good, I grow a beard. I’m nothing if not vain. There are the inevitable growing a beard? type questions which I suffer because after all, it’s small talk that makes the world go ‘round.

This year’s version of the beard has been in place since late November. I’ve had people who I work in the general vicinity of say recently ‘hey, what’s that on your face?’ and ‘growing that beard again?’ which proves to me that people just do not look at you or notice things as much as say, you do.

I’m one of those people who notices almost everything. I can tell when someone’s switched toothpastes for God’s sake. I always notice haircuts, new clothes, the fact that your life is dreadfully boring compared to mine and so on. So why can’t you find the pattern in my beard growing? It’s the same thing every year. When I shave it off, I’ll no doubt hear ‘hey, are those new glasses?’ ‘I don’t wear glasses’. ‘Well something’s changed’. ‘Yeah, I’m whitening my eyeballs with Crest Whitestrips. Now frig off’.