2/21/2009

Six 6 Six


When a Princess asks you to do her bidding, you do what you must to get into the royal will.  She asked me to post on six quirks, facts or things about myself.  Being the most conservative looking kind of rebel you've ever seen, I refuse to post 'rules'.  It's six things, you'll figure it out.

In some particular order:

5.  I can't dance.  At all.  Unless I'm drunk.  But I don't really drink.  If I drank more, I'd pretend that I wouldn't want to join Coaster Punchman as he learns country and western dancing and instead, lead a big Bollywood style production number.  Watch for me coming to an Indian slum near you!

6.  While I may not be much of a drinker, I can still drink you under the table.  It's in my genes coming as I do from a long line of marathon drinkers.

1.  It took me a long time to come up with just the right name for my cat.  'Rizzo' suits her perfectly.  Now, I rarely call her by the name I anguished over.  If it pops into my head when I see her, that's what she gets.  Latest monikers include Bunny Kardashian and Kitty Kitty Dum Dum.  The 'b' in dumb is left off to preserve her dignity.

3.  Making seat friends (or single serving friends) leads to satisfying relationships.  Whenever I go to an opera or theatre event, I generally end up chatting with someone seated nearby who I don't know.  A laugh or opinion about whatever is playing is exchanged, we smile at each other and I never have to see them again.  No muss, no fuss.

4.  For someone who spends a fair bit of time on the Internet I generally leave it to others to find fascinating, funny or amazing items for me to view.  'My latest find' (thank you cousin Jessica) is Fail Blog.  Hilarious.

2.  I am going into sugar withdrawal.  Despair arrived but the fudge didn't.  My mother got the parcel she tried to send me back a second time and is now embroiled in a war with Canada Post.  They don't want to refund her the hefty postage she paid to try and send it to me (fudge is heavy!) but my money's on mom.  By the end of it, she'll have free stamps for life.

I'm supposed to tag people to play but since I don't touch anyone before donning a HazMat suit, I'll just invite them to give it a go this way:





and the rest.  





25 comments:

Esther said...

I have absolutely no sense of rhythm but I would like to take part in a big Bollywood-style production number.

I always try to engage the people next to me in conversation. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I think I'm a pretty friendly, nonthreatening person but some people definitely give off a "don't even try to speak to me" vibe. Can you suggest any opening lines that have stood you in good stead as an icebreaker?

Naked from the waste down said...

I shall suit up and proceed to the Dettol shower. Last time I did severe damage with the wire brush though...

SkylersDad said...

A great list there, and my dancing skills resemble the Charles Manson prison transfer.

Cormac Brown said...

Solution to your fudge theft. Have you mom mail some more fudge, only she inserts a dye-pack like the banks use against bank robbers just under the top piece.

Pappfff and let's see the purple (expletive) deny it now!

Allison said...

I love the FAIL blog. I've started to use the word too when someone irritates me. And by started to use, I mean I yell "Fail!" at them. ;)

Doc said...

Dale- For what it's worth, I don't dance either as square dancing and slam dancing don't really apply. "A long line of Marathon drinkers", I wouldn't mind hearing about that. I'm sure you have some delightful tales to tell from the family tree. Was Rizzo named after the surly mechanic on M*A*S*H? Ditto #3 & #4.

Our mailman brought a package yesterday that I had to sign for which was unusual. I didn't recognise the return address and why was Flannery getting international mail? Had she joined a spy ring and not told me? No, she got the parcel of postcards you sent, thank you very much. We will be putting up the posts and winging it on its way shortly as soon as I can get Flannery to do all the work.

Should you find yourself on this side of Lake Erie anytime, swing by. I'd like to test this drinking prowess of which you speak, my treat.

Doc

Helene (the Artist Formerly Known as Kate) said...

I have news for you... you probably still cant dance when you are drunk, its just that you think you can! lol

Fun list! I liked that Failed site too! OMG some funny some just sad!! (like the protected tree zone! )

Happy Saturday!

Tanya Espanya said...

I like how you stole my cousin Jessica. Everyone should have one, really.

Love the Fail, Dale... (hee!)

Remember when I posted a fail?

Paul Pincus said...

but my money's on mom. By the end of it, she'll have free stamps for life.

LOL! ... loved this post!

Holly said...

My mother got the parcel she tried to send me back a second time and is now embroiled in a war with Canada Post.

I'm both disappointed and relieved to know this. I was so anxious about the fate of the fudge that I couldn't comment on your last post. I'm glad it's no longer lost in limbo, but really bummed that you didn't receive it while it was still edible. What the hell did Canada Post do to screw this up a second time? I hope you are not done reporting on this story because some of us (those who, back in our callow adolescence, have eaten stale fudge and worked in mail rooms) remain vitally, vibrantly alive to the drama of this tale.

wonderturtle said...

Though I hate small talk, it can be a fun game if you know you'll never see the person again. How much can I find out about this person? Let me pretend to be outgoing! It's the same sick approach I used to take to standardized tests and job interviews.

Distributorcap said...

i cant dance ----

genn6 said...

Sorry to hear about the fudge. For all that's worth you should just go to the bakery and buy your own.
I also insist you should drink more...and thus dance more.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Seat friends can be risky - you might get a talker and that can be scary.

pistols at dawn said...

What if a seat friend asks you to dance? This is why I always pretend to be a deaf-mute, to avoid awkward situations.

the princess said...

oh that was wonderful dale, thanks for playing!

on each one:

5. it would be fun to get you drunk just to see that! i love dancing but respect that i may reach a point where i *think* i'm dancing like a goddess, but not so much.

6. haha, me too.

1. kitty kitty dum dum deserves to keep her dignity.

3. seat friends...that's lovely.

4. cool!

5. god, i hope it arrives before you go into convulsions or something. what's the heck is up with canada post anyhow? i'm also waiting for something. rrrrrr...

Gifted Typist said...

Lovin' the non-linear order of this list. It's so Dale

Phronk said...

They should rename it "flailing about while drunk", because that's what most people call dancing anyway. It would make people less self conscious about it.

(I can't dance either. Like, at all. I scare females off when I try.)

hapabukbuk said...

kitty kitty dum dum. brilliant.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

If I had known you don't dance, I would never have hired you to strip for the Martha get together last weekend. That was just embarrassing.

WendyB said...

Mmmm....fudge.

Sean Wraight said...

I'm kinda saddened to hear about the fudge 'fail'... What a shame considering how much you were looking forward to that.

Perhaps you could hire someone to make you some fudge to soothe your aching sweet tooth. Otherwise we may have to start a blogger drive. Akin to the blog card thing just sweeter and fudgier.

For what its worth I can't dance either... I've had to give that up to protect the innocent.

Great post!
s

Katie Schwartz said...

You are so fucking hysterical. #5 and #1 made me scream out loud.

You might be able to drink me under the table, but I could definitely eat you under the table, being a Jewgirl and awl.

Sans Pantaloons said...

It is did.

Coaster Punchman said...

I did read this long ago but have chosen, due to my laziness or lack of anything to say, not to comment until now. And I will only say that I believe Bollywood numbers should be an integral part of civilization - people should burst into them spontaneously.