12/08/2008

The Call is Coming From Inside the House!

A few nights ago, while I lay dozing under a warm blanket of potato chip crumbs in front of the television, I kept hearing a faint beeping sound.  At first I thought it might be my hearing aid but quickly ruled that out as I don't have one.

After hearing it again a few minutes later, I realized it sounded like the beep my treadmill makes when you change speeds or programs.  Considering I've been too lazy to even hang clothes on the damnable thing for months, I ruled that out too.  

As my confusion grew and the sound continued, I decided to crawl my way up and out of the chesterfield and went searching for the source.  I opened the door to the back room and was horrified to see that not only was the beeping coming from the treadmill but it was also flashing my weight in red letters (you enter your weight I suppose for humiliation purposes?).  

I pushed the stop button, the power button and the other buttons I don't understand but it continued to beep and I swear, laugh.  I unplugged it and thankfully, it stopped its menacing taunt.  

Considering I haven't been that weight for months, who's laughing now?  Stupid treadmill.  

27 comments:

Suze said...

Hey, I can send you my dusty treadmill and they can be like a pair at your house. Also, you can keep all the clothes that are hanging on it.

Dr Zibbs said...

Did it read, "one at a time fatty"?

Cormac Brown said...

Holy shit, Dale! If it wasn't for the red hair, I'd a thought that was a picture of me.

BTW, your treadmill was trying to sing Bobby Vinton's "Mr. Lonely."

Allison said...

That's why I love the "quick start" button, that doesn't make you put in your weight. ;)

Gifted Typist said...

Dale, have you checked the treadmill?

SkylersDad said...

Was the treadmill trying to say "Get in ma belly!"?

pistols at dawn said...

It's sad when nonliving equipment works out more than you do.

Mob said...

I'm really glad that the stepper/bike combo we bought recently isn't this high tech, I don't need the thing trying to guilt me when I'm studiously ignoring it.

Cap'n Ergo "XL" Jinglebollocks said...

I hate technology for this very reason.

KK said...

If it starts up again and it's not plugged in - please let us know!

katrocket said...

Oh sorry Dale - that might have been me. I found a mystery remote control the other day and now I remember what it's for.

katrocket said...

PS - I just voted all over you in Drysdaleville!

Grant Miller said...

That's some fucked up shit.

Bubs said...

And your reward for avoiding the ghost in the machine?

It's getting tagged. You're it.

franki said...

our microwave talks to us. i'm pretty sure it's got to do with that urban myth that was drilled into my head as child, "If you stand in front of the microwave while it's running, it is x-raying you." Scared the bejeezus outta me.

Bluez said...

A friend of mine got the Wii Fit workout dvd. She skipped one day of exercising, so the next day the game asked her if she was too busy to exercise yesterday. Thats just messed up.

Gifted Typist said...

even scarier, Espanya and company were IN my house tonight.Dale, have you check the Espanyas?

BeckEye said...

Oh, you're so silly. You look great. In fact, I don't think I saw an ounce of body fat on you the last time I saw you.

By the way, did you vote for Blogger of the Year yet?

genn6 said...

I'm glad that's a true story, it's funnier than if it would have been just a dream.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Jesus, Dale, get out of the house NOW! Or move the exercise equipment. You obviously have that thing parked on an Indian burial ground.

Melly/Melody/or Mel said...

Sylvia Brown says dead relatives speak to us through our electronics...turning lights on/off, radio coming on, etc. Of course, I totally believe all of that stuff.

Do ya have any fat-dead relatives?

Chancelucky said...

Must be a really advanced model....knows when you haven't been exercising and it summons you.

Holly said...

When the treadmill freaked out, were you wearing the tartan/argyle outfit featured in the photo? I'm guessing not, or else every single appliance in your home would have made horrible noises.

Technology is evil. It makes us fat by doing everything for us, then taunts us when we fall prey to its wicked plot. Stupid treadmill is right.

Coaster Punchman said...

After reading your post I had to go hunt down some chips to bring to my bed.

X. Dell said...

When treadmills go bad, they mock.

PJ said...

Scary Mary.

Dale said...

Thanks for the comments, you've fattened up this section of the place very nicely. The treadmill lies unplugged (and it just lies generally) but I swear I heard it beeping again the other night, I'm afeared to go near it again. I'll just finish this pack of cookies while I mull things over.