3/19/2008

This Is Pop? (Redux)

I've been a delinquent writer and reader lately but I make no excuses, just a mention.

As it's Easter time, find forgiveness in your hearts as I repost something from the archives that sums up nearly everything you need to know about me.

In honour of the torture that I put my mother through each Easter, I have spent many seconds composing something worthy of her ire:

All around the burning bush
The heathens chased the Jesus
They tacked him up but three days in
Pop! goes the Jesus

Poor Mothra. Every year she falls victim to my retelling of the same old jokes, never remembers the punchline and is suitably horrified when I relate the following:

What did Jesus say while he was up on the cross? Get my flats, these spikes are killing me.

I am a bad son. I'm good with that though.

I hope everyone gets and enjoys a nice long weekend. And chocolate for all!

36 comments:

BeckEye said...

You look so cozy in that handbasket.

Falwless said...

I'm considering renaming my blog "Pop! Goes The Jesus." That is so fantastic.

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

I love being able to comment so early in this post's life -- way before someone condemns you to an eternity in hell. Ever notice that the people condemning you to an eternity in hell seem to enjoy doing so? That's not very Christian of them, is it?

Dale said...

It's getting really warm in here Beckeye, hop in!

Falwless - As long as you cut me in on any revenue from the switch Falwless, I support your appropriation.

They're all heathen bastards BSUWG and I'll take them down with me.

SkylersDad said...

Bwaa ha ha ha, as a recovering Catholic, I am so stealing these and sending them to all!!

The Freelance Guru said...

That would quite possibly be the scariest Jack in the box ever...

Suze's Sass said...

As a Catholic, I will laugh at these jokes on Monday :)

Chancelucky said...

Happy Easter to you too Dale :}

Beth said...

You made me giggle. Now I'm off to eat some Peeps strippers.

FranIAm said...

Good- that is really really good!

Old Lady said...

You are a very naughty boy! You must be hankering fer a spankering.

Jane Austen Jr. said...

Mmm, eating chocolate as I type. Nice nursery rhyme!

VE said...

Nothing like a good Jesus joke to get my psyched up for Easter. Thanks!

Johnny Yen said...

"Drop the cross one more time and there'll be no more parade!"

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Happy Zombie Jesus Day, Dalester!

The world needs more Jesus jokes. Your mom is probably okay with one per year.

Falwless said...

hahahahahahaha Johnny Yen! Hahahahahaaha.

Ahem. That was funny.

Grant Miller said...

I think you're going to hell for this.

Dale said...

Feel free Skyler's Dad, it's what Jesus would want.

Especially if he popped up on a cross for instance Freelance Guru!

That's a good girl Suze, say your prayers.

Thanks and Happy Easter Chancelucky!

I love the way you made that sound dirty Beth.

I couldn't help myself Fran.

If you think I've been bad enough Old Lady, okay!

Watch out for the sticky keys Jane.

Just like Jesus was, I'm a giver VE.

Johnny Yen - you automatically win! That's hilarious and will go into my Happy Easter conversation with Ma Kettle. I'm still laughing.

She may get two this year Barbara - see above. Happy Rock Rollin' Away Day to you and yours too!

Falwless (do you know how hard it is trying to spell your name right every time for me?) - it's a classic. Mr. Yen, take a bow.

I'm just glad you're all coming with me. Wear your flame retardant lab coat Grant.

chelene said...

Happy holiday, heathen.

X. Dell said...

I'm sure Jesus tells dirty jokes about you behind your back too. Call it Instant Karma, and pour me a cup.

Cap'n Ergo Jinglebollocks said...

:)

Distributorcap said...

the energizer easter bunny is after you

Jess Wundrun said...

Jesus, hanging on the cross, the end is near.

"Peter" the Lord says, weakly. "Peter my brother, come here"

"Yes, oh Lord," says Peter. "Lead and I will follow" Peter approaches the cross and stands as near to Jesus as he can.

"Peter," the Lord says. "Peter, my brother, come closer".

"But Lord, here I am. As close as I can get"

"Then climb up upon my cross Peter. Come and be with me".

"Yes, Lord," says Peter without hesitation (his shame at the rooster crowing fills him with remorse). "Lord, where ye command I shall go". And Peter climbs up upon the cross, and hangs there with Jesus.

"Peter. Peter, my brother," says Jesus. He is so very weak now.

"Yes Lord?"

"Look, Peter. I can see your house from here"

Writeprocrastinator said...

"I've been a delinquent writer"

Or do you mean, just a "delinquent?"

I mean someone has been throwing snowballs at-

Conductor Elvis
Honeypot
Mrs. & Mr. K.B.L.

Who could it be?

Is Dale, "The Lone Snowball Man?"

Bubs said...

Don't worry too much--you can always repent on your deathbed. That's what I'm planning on.

By the way, did you hear what J.C. did when he arrived at the hotel? He slapped three iron spikes onto the desk and asked "can you put me up for the night?"

668 aka neighbour of the beast said...

i enjoyed the spike joke. i am going to retell it over and over again today. :)

mellowlee said...

hahaha! Happy Easter. Enjoy the chocolate!

Dale said...

Thank you Chelene, happy holiday to you too.

There's a big pot brewing X. Dell, stop by anytime.

:-) to you too Cap'n.

I've got the little bastard in my sights Distributor Cap.

Well told Jess, and just so you know, I've been watching your house myself.

Just plain delinquent may be correct too Write Procrastinator. I wonder if I have a snowball's chance in hell?

Hahaha, love that one Bubs. I've got the same plan.

Who knew spikes were so funny 668?

You too Ms. Mellowlee!

Melly/Melody/or Mel said...

I have written your prose down so I can recite it before dinner tomorrow. I won't be asked again to say the blessing, thank goddess.

I just love ya Dale!

Writeprocrastinator said...

"I wonder if I have a snowball's chance in hell?"

You'll get in and past the Pearly Gates just fine, Dale. God loves good stories and a good storyteller.

Dale said...

I'm here to serve Melly sort of the way you serve up those recipes. Jesus is not going to know what to do with us!

WP - I'm going to have do to Bubs' deathbed repenting and then a lot of fast talking I think. Hopefully, they have high speed in purgatory.

Gifted Typist said...

By all accounts Jesus got along well with the locals and probably would have enjoyed a good laugh at those jokes.

Dale said...

I've said it before GT, Jesus is just alright with me.

668 aka neighbour of the beast said...

i love any joke that implies jesus was a drag queen.

Coaster Punchman said...

Poor Jesus. I'll always think of "Saved!" and the Jewish girl saying "talk about being hung on the cross!"

Dale said...

Jesus may have been the first "What Not To Wear" subject 668.

Saved was hilarious in parts, I also like the scene where one of them biffs the other in the head with a Bible CP.