5/08/2008

This Is Not A Love Song (KBL Edition)

After being Korean Bagel Lady'd (thanks for the terminology Barbara), I realized there was a bit of information I'd forgotten to impart. While I'm still compiling documentary evidence of her henchwoman for Kim Jong Il status, I now at least know her name. She has a name ladies and gentlemen!

Back in the carefree days before she tried to poison me, I overheard someone at the counter say "Hi Joanne!" in the Bagel Lady's general direction. I asked if that was indeed her name and she verified it. I told her I'd expected something a little more exotic. She said "Well, my real name is Gin". Seeing her neckerchiefed helper working in the back, I said "So I guess you two are like Gin & Tonic then?". Her humourless "No" dashed my hopes of writing a buddy cop screenplay based on their adventures.

It wasn't until Coaster Punchman commented that if the Korean Bagel Lady and his nemesis Mama Gin met, they might cancel each other out that this fact returned to me. Reading that was like being struck with the force of, I'd say, four to six stale bagels. There are two Gins! Evil twin Gins perhaps separated at birth and by nation.

All this Gin flowing seems to support my view that evil grows in the dark, where the sun it never shines. If I was a man of prayer, I might say Saints preserve us! Instead, I'll just cling to to my belief that I'm tastier than her coffee will ever be.

26 comments:

Mob said...

There are two of them now?

It's like Gremlins!

Cap'n Ergo Jinglebollocks said...

I dunno-- there still may be some lurve there... You can still work on that screenplay, it'll just have some Harlequin Romance elements thrown in-- the glowering looks that soften over time; the kindling of love that was right there all the time; one of 'em gets shot by th' bad guys and they suddenly realize their deep feelings for one another...

You can work with that, cantcha??

SkylersDad said...

Maybe she has one of those blades in her shoe that she can deploy and kick you to death with, like the old German lady in James Bond movies!

Be careful out there...

Berry said...

I tried to look away. I'm not sure I wanted to know her name. Now it's just weird.

BeckEye said...

Dale, I'm frightened. Please hold me.

Leonesse said...

Wait! What is Mama Gin is like the Superman to Bagel Lady Gin's Bizarro? Tell Mama Gin about the coffee problem then turn her loose on the Bagel Lady.

Please document with video.

Writeprocrastinator said...

She could be a "J-i-n," which is all too similar to Jinni and is also spelled "J-i-n-n."

Face it, you're dealing with an evil genie that was finally let out of the bottle and is determined to wreck havoc upon mankind in retaliation for her years in captivity.

Beth said...

I need to track down the Southern Gin and have her destroyed.

X. Dell said...

Gin, what an intoxicating name. It's as if I'm buying coffee from someone who's made up of juniper berries.

Perhaps you could put her in a big martini glass and serve her--shaken, not stirred.

BTW, a Gin would not be cancelled out by a Mama Gin. To cancel her out, you would need an antiGin.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'm way ahead of you - at our house we've been speculating who would win in a fight betwixt Korean Bagel Lady and Mama Gin for months now. But now that we know they are in fact twins (evil twin and eviler twin), that throws things into a whole new light. It's the apocalypse.

(But I am glad to know that I have contributed to your lexicon, before we all die)

VE said...

Evil twin gins? Sounds like a fantasy I once had...

pistols at dawn said...

I am still eagerly awaiting that buddy cop screenplay. Gin & Tonic need to hit the rental shelf near me soon.

the princess said...

definately tastier. don't cling, believe.

funny that there are 2 alike. the more i think about your situation the more i giggle. sorry about that. is she still glaring at you from afar?

genn6 said...

this gets scarier all the time. She's a North Korean spy and she's come to randomly poison half of Canada. Stay away.

the princess said...

btw, i saw that you like bjork...me too! she's awesome. do you like the smiths? morrisey? i saw the cult once. loved it!

Dale said...

As long as the inevitable sequel doesn't suck, I'm okay with Gremlins Mob.

The soundtrack is being compiled right now Cap'n Ergo. Suggestions on that are welcome as well.

I hate being kicked but that sounds like a cool way to go Skyler's Dad, as long as there are plenty of witnesses, people at work will have something cool to talk about.

I made it weird for you Berry, I'm so sorry.

My pleasure Beckeye, being in a holding pattern is one of my specialties.

The video would be spectacular Leonesse, an instant YouTube hit. Can I make money off of something like that?

Love the Jinni definition WP. There's more going on here than I'd imagined.

I knew I could count on you Beth, The Gin Slayer.

What she might be wearing in the big glass is scaring me X. Dell. The antiGin is a hysterical and fitting comment.

When the four whores of the apocalypse meet, look out Barbara. Stay on the side of good, I implore you.

The wrong dream and your name might get changed to VD, VE!

Direct to dvd for sure Pistols unless you help me write it.

She glares, sometimes I glare back but generally I smile or even wave Princess just to keep her on her toes. I bet Bjork could play her in the film! I like the Smiths and that sadbag Morrissey too.

The thing is Genn6, we let her in! Maybe we should be stepping up our border patrols.

Jill said...

You have broke the poor lad heart?

Dale said...

She already had heart problems Jill.

Writeprocrastinator said...

The thing is you have try to trick her into going back into the bottle...or possibly a coffee carafe'.

Jill said...

you want to kill her?
Is her insurance policy to your name?

Coaster Punchman said...

I know I read this post but can't understand why there is no comment from me. Perhaps it was one of those days that the computer won.

Dale said...

She smiled at me yesterday WP, can you hold the carafe while I lure her in?

This isn't widely known Jill but in the end, I get everyone's money.

Never surrender CP unless it's a Mac.

Jill said...

Not mine!

Dale said...

Check your purse Jill. It's gone.

Arlene said...

Is it true that Paris Hilton pronounces the name Kim Jong Il as "Kim Jong Eleven"?

Dale said...

Knowing Paris the way I don't Arlene, I'm sure it's true! Hilarious.