9/14/2007

A Tale of Two Ladies

Going to the bagel and coffee joint in my office building is an exercise in character building. If my Korean bagel lady owner is there, she gets to insult me, I pay her for the pleasure and everyone ends up with a measure of satisfaction.

The other day, as I approached, the owner was busy frowning into her portable phone and so I was served by the other lady with the neckerchief (who likes old men).

Hallow sir, howa youuuu? You wan bagel? Yes, a cheese bagel please. Okaaaaay sir! She gave me a big smile and got to work.

While my treat was toasting, a woman came up to the counter and Necky Neckerchief greeted her: Hallow sir, howa youuuu? You wan bagel?

I smirked at her mistake just as the owner was releasing her stranglehold on the phone. You in good mood today. I sheepishly told her I was a penny short and she said No problem Mr. Big Shot, you have penny for free since you so happy today. I said thanks and she said something else I didn't understand. I nodded yes and smiled, a familiar dance step with me and this lady.

At lunchtime, I was in line at a different sandwich place waiting to pay when the bagel shop owner stepped up beside me and said Oh I thought you were broken, how you pay now? I hate to see you die from no eat! Eat more salad! and she laughed. I told her I wasn't broken yet but she should keep trying! She laughed like we were having the same conversation and shuffled away.

The next day walking past the bagel shop, I heard Necky call out to another female customer: Hallow sir, howa youuuu? You wan bagel? I'm glad it wasn't just a one-off.

Two Ladies mp3 - Alan Cumming (Cabaret)

25 comments:

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I LOVE the Korean bagel lady! And I'm so glad that she has an equally entertaining sidekick. She obviously loves your love handles, man.

The gender mixup thing seems to be really common amongst Asians. All the Chinese people I have ever worked with use he and she indescriminately.

Flannery Alden said...

I'm so glad you're happy today, Mr. Big Shot!

katrocket said...

How DARE you trick me into downloading showtunes! I thought you had some sort of secret recording of the bagel ladies. Thankfully your fun story melted away any desire for vengeance.

Tanya Espanya said...

Is true what BB says about the gender thing.

Like when my sister took her newborn baby girl, decked out all in PINK, and the old Chinese lady asked if it was a boy or a girl.

The men in China wear pink. My sister said so. She lived in China for a year. She didn't come back with a Chinese baby.

Dale said...

You love her so I don't have to Barbara! The sidekick is funny too but most of her work is done by sparkle of eye.

I so happy today Flannery! You wan bagel?

Oh the horror Katrocket! At least it's about sex right? Yours is the only disclaimer anyone else would need but I've updated it to say what it is! You're still my meth though right?

Where did she took the baby Tanya? If she was smart she would have brought back a couple of Chinese babies and sold them.

mellowlee said...

I love the Korean bagel lady too Dale! Mr Big Shot haha! Today I went for a BLT McBagel, and thought of you :O) You know, they are not bad with cheese!

Distributorcap said...

i have a dumb question (typical of me) -- living the snob-food city of NY with some of the best bagels around -- i have never seen a cheese bagel..

but they sure sound good..

where can i get one?

Suzel's Sass said...

I'm glad you were happy even though you were "broken". Your story containing bagel, broken, Mr. Big Shot and neckerchief made my day!

Chris said...

I'd reimburse them for that penny soon. She might be charging you interest.

Chris said...

By the way, I'm glad you liked my world music selections!

John Mutford said...

I should probably take this opportunity to say that I enjoy reading all your posts, but I never know what to say afterwards. Oddly, this only ever happens at your site. Rest assured, I do read it daily!

BeckEye said...

Ohh yeah...Mr. Big Shot...who do you think you are...Mr. Big Shot...you're never gonna get my bagels...

pistols at dawn said...

A realMr. Bigshot would have had his third assistant get his bagels for him. One day, sir...

Zed said...

Give them the penny on Monday, Dale.

Or else six years from now they will still remember you owe it to them and each time they see you they will say, "I thought you were broken, Mr. Big Shot. How you pay?" Trust me on this. I live in a Korean neighborhood. Pay up for your own sanity!

Dale said...

Uh oh, I'm not going to have to rename myself am I Mellowlee? McDale doesn't have the ring I'm looking for. So yes, she's called me Mr. Big Shot, Mr. Big Tummy, I wonder what's next?

You might have to come here to find one Distributorcap. It's basically a bagel with shredded cheddar baked on top and then toasted. I have had them with cheese baked right through as well. You can buy them in the grocery stores here but I'm not sure about NY.

Hi Suzel, you're happy, I'm happy, something bad's bound to happen now!

Maybe I'll steal it from their little 'take a penny' container Chris and see what happens. And yes, the world tunes were great, it was a great category choice for the project.

What would happen if I wrote a book and then you had to review it on your site then John? I might put you out of business!

But I can almost pay Beckeye!

The only assistant I'm liable to get is a diaper Pistols so they can keep me at my desk.

Good strategy Zed. I haven't even blogged about her husband yet have I? It's worth at least a couple of pennies.

mellowlee said...

No, McDale is just wrong! How 'bout Mr Fancypants? *G*

Dale said...

I'll take it Mel!

X. Dell said...

I'm glad you're not broken.

I was wondering why the bagel lady addressed this woman as "Sir," but then thought that all Canadians probably look alike to her.

Holly said...

Wow. I'm jealous. The only interesting thing that has ever happened at the place where I buy bagels is that the counter guy once told my friend she was ordering the most caloric sandwich on the menu--1,100 calories--after which she said it was really good to know because even though she didn't look like it, she was actually morbidly obese.

T said...

Just give me the fucking bagel!

Thank you!

Dale said...

We all do look alike X. Dell but that's her problem!

I didn't know Dairy Queen sold bagels Holly! Check their 'nutrition facts' sometime, yikes. I love the term 'morbidly obese', although a medical term, it sounds deliciously mean.

That's a definite approach I'm considering T. I especially liked the polite 'thank you' on the end of that.

Coaster Punchman said...

Anyone remember one of the greatest TV commercials ever made?

Let's all say it together: "Dale, some big shot."

Dale said...

That's so freaky, I thought of that commercial the other day CP. I've had several more run ins with KBL in the past few days too. If only I could find a way to feel cleaner!

Jill said...

When are you gonna make Korean bagel lady happy and ask her on a date??

Dale said...

After my affair with Honeypot, I'm going after KBL Jill!