The Walrus Was Paul

Now that Newman's out of the way, maybe another man's dreams can come true?  Coming soon direct to dvd near you... 

Shaun Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

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I Love My Job, I Love My Job

Does anybody else get as excited as I do when it's time to refill the stapler? No? Okay.

Oh, My God

A few years ago, I had the pleasure of seeing Margaret Cho in Toronto while she was touring with her I'm The One That I Want show.  I just saw an episode of her new television series "The Cho Show" and it reaffirmed why I like her so much.  Smart and funny always win the race.

Someone pointed out this excellent rant to me entitled I'm A Christian, You Fuckers! from her blog.  It's righteous and I'm pretty sure God fucking well approved her message.

Why Don't The Windows Open In This Building Again?

Someone this morning said to me "You must be able to retire soon".  "No, I just look that old" was all I could reply.  It's a good thing I don't wake up until noon. 

A Day Late And Several Hundred Dollars Short

There was an email sent to everyone yesterday at work entitled Emergency Preparedness For Work and Home. Aside from my dislike of the word preparedness, the timing I found to be questionable.

The night before, I woke up hearing a strange noise, strange only because I hadn’t yet had enough sleep and wasn’t willing to ponder it for long. I woke again at 5:00 a.m. and was more ready to realize that the sound was dripping water. Dripping water? How strange.

After listening to it for a while, I decided I could wait no longer – I went to the bathroom - I’m fairly suggestible. Now better equipped to investigate, I padded out to the kitchen and stepped into what felt like a very large bowl of gazpacho. The kitchen was flooded.

As I stood wiggling my toes in the water, additional consciousness eventually dawned. I checked under the sink and found that the solder on the main water pipe had given way just enough to produce a steady burble of water.

My next realization was that the dripping sound remained and with a flash, I recalled there being a downstairs to this house. I tromped down and switched on the lights. There were two tiny waterfalls coming directly through the pot lights onto the carpet. I switched off the lights and put buckets under them to catch the excess and the drip sounded much nicer.

The plumber’s been and gone, the carpet’s drying out and will need to be replaced but for now, order has been restored to my tiny kingdom.

I wonder if it would have made a difference to have received that Emergency Preparedness email a day earlier? Probably not. I still haven’t read it.

Questions For the Ages

If you see a grown woman walking down the street wearing what appear to be pyjama pants covered in question marks, should you stop and ask why?

Three, Two, One or A Tale of Two Traps

I recently was heard to say that I planned on making mittens out of the feral kittens who'd taken up residence in my back garden.  There were three kittens so I was sure there'd be no problem with supply and demand.  Shortly after my brilliant idea began germinating, one of the cats stopped showing up.  From his shady looks, it's a good bet he's dealing catnip a few yards over.

Wondering whether we could take on trapping and adopting two cats resulted in much hemming and hawing but ended in John calling a 'critter control' guy for traps.  The night the traps showed up, only one cat came around looking for a handout but we set both traps the next day just in case.

The traps have a small raised metal plate (covered in newspaper) that trips the door as the animal steps on to get at the food just beyond it.  I came home to find two empty cages and I was a bit disappointed.  On closer inspection, yes, there were two empty cages but only one full can of food;  the other had been licked clean.  In the plants at the back of the yard I spied one very satisfied looking kitten who'd beaten the system and was now lazing in the fading sunlight.

On day two, stealth was not on kitty's side and we arrived home to a cage full of cranky but well fed kitten.  We got her to the vet where she had a full examination, shots and a good flea bath.  A much shinier three month old kitten was the end result.

Over the last week, she's gotten used to us, the laundry room and now the whole downstairs.

She will hiss if I make too rapid an approach but one touch and she melts into a purr measuring just under the rumble of a tractor.  She's also gotten used to being called Rizzo after Rydell High's oldest teenage student.

Winter's on the way and my one good deed's out of the way.  Unfortunately, there's been no sign of the other two cats.  I'm choosing to think that they've been adopted rather than having become part of some other creature's happy meal.

It will take me a while to fatten her up and to figure out shipping options and costs.  To be on the safe side, order your mittens now for arrival by Christmas.

Location Location Location

Today at work attached to all of the washroom doors is a notice from Weight Watchers.

"Lose Weight At Work - We'll Come To You"

I can lose weight in there without anyone's help thank you very much and if you do decide to approach me while I'm in there, I'm calling a cop.