4/12/2008

Can't You Read The Sign?

All week long, I've been stealing the signs in our building announcing the Theft and Fraud Awareness seminar scheduled for next week. Nobody's come for me yet, I'm a little disappointed.

In other news, our local information channel with the sexy ticker type display let me down today. As a Canadian, it is important that I have up to the minute weather information without having to look through the window next to the television.

The damned thing was stuck going back and forth announcing the times for sunrise and sunset over and over, useful perhaps if I still had my dream of someday starring in Fiddler on the Roof but no help to me should I end up in a small talk situation today. The horror.

34 comments:

SkylersDad said...

Bwaa ha ha ha!!

That Fiddler on the Roof reference was killer!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

You'd be a shoe-in for very specific CDT Jeopardy questions though.

Still, you need to sit in front of that tv, glued to the weather station until they get that ticker thingy fixed. These things are crucial to Canadian security.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

I can't wait to see what you do to prepare for the Sexual Harassment Awareness seminar.

Writeprocrastinator said...

"Nobody's come for me yet, I'm a little disappointed."

Listen to you, the "Scarlet Pimper-Dale."

Jewgirl said...

I am so with skylersdad on the Fiddler and the Roof reference. Too funny.

Dale said...

And topical Skyler's Dad. It must have been in my head as I was asking my Jewish train companions about Passover the other day and someone said something about all the "Tradition" and I said "Yeah, I've seen that movie".

Absolutely Barbara, I am able to remain fairly motionless for long periods of time as necessary. I will switch over to Jeopardy to practice.

Do you want to see the subpoenas and restraining orders, The Sexy Chick Who Doesn't Lunch?

You will be in charge of naming all future blogs for me Write Procrastinator, that's funny.

Oh Jewgirl, if I were a rich man...

Distributorcap said...

if you were a rich men
then you wouldnt have to worry

Bubs said...

Your post is funny and all, but all I want to know is do you need any consulting work done for the theft and loss stuff. 'Cuz I'm available.

the princess said...

hello! as a canadian, you cannot...i repeat cannot go by what the weather network says. look you the window for the love of god!

Melly/Melody/or Mel said...

Didn't you mean 'sunrise, sundown'?

Leonesse said...

Canadians have weathermen? I thought you all lived in huts.

Dale said...

Deedle deedle deedle dee DeeCap!

You want to arrest me don't you Bubs?

Oh Princess, I'd never watch the weather channel, this is the channel that also gives me up to the minute concert listings like for George Jones! I had to check, I thought he was dead.

It took me a second but that's pretty hilarious Melody.

Huts in summer, igloos in winter but yes, weather experts are everywhere. The reality is there's a 50% chance of anything at any time.

Elizabeth McQuern said...

All week long, I've been stealing the signs in our building announcing the Theft and Fraud Awareness seminar scheduled for next week.

This is the kind of thing that makes me love you.

FranIAm said...

Wait- window? Weather?

Just what are you saying? Why would you look out the window?

Please stop confusing me Dale!!

Writeprocrastinator said...

"You want to arrest me don't you Bubs?"

You know that he is a descendant of Jalvert, right? Everyone in that section of Illinois does and they stay away, accordingly.

"You will be in charge of naming all future blogs for me Write Procrastinator, that's funny."

I was just picturing you with the rapier and the feathered hat, swooping by on a rope whenever the security guards turn around and whoosh go the signs.

Chancelucky said...

Matchmaker, matchmaker steal me a sign?

I thought the weather in Canada was just always cold.

Chris said...

I've been to Canada. Heavy weather there.

I gotta see that Fiddler on a Hot Tin Roof thing that everyone keeps talking about. I feel so nekulturny.

deadspot said...

Theft and Freud Awareness?

Allison said...

Hey, I like the weather channel and actually miss not being able to watch it. Its important to know the windchill. Perhaps not, but I envy the laser pointers they get to use.

Mob said...

I laughed for about ten minutes at your first line.

Perhaps they want to see if they can get you for something bigger, and they're waiting for you to get bold and roll a chair out with you at the end of the day.

Bluez said...

Career Opportunities
Interested applicants should submit their resumé marked PERSONAL AND CONFIDENTIAL to:
National Insurance Crime Bureau
ATTN: Human Resources Department
1111 E. Jew Street., Ste. 400
Des Plaines, Illinois 60018
FAX: 847-544-7102
Or E-mail resumé to: Idothebottledanceat night@nicb.org

Go ahead, make your day...

Falwless said...

It's all already been said by others before me. But, I was here. I carved my name into the booth.

pistols at dawn said...

Will you play the role of the young girl who Tevye wants to set up with someone? Because that's the part I'd cast you in.

BeckEye said...

I just stopped by to say that if you make one more Bindy Irwin backup singer crack, I'm going to feed you to her crocs. No, not her shoes. Odiles.

VE said...

I wonder if War and Peace is available in that ticker tape format...

Coaster Punchman said...

You could have small talked about the ticker tape breaking down.

katrocket said...

Your irony-based theiving only makes me love you more, Dale.

Old Lady said...

What? I don't get it!

X. Dell said...

If you were a rich man, you could tell the sun when to set and rise.

Okay, probably not. Still, you could fix that screen crawl.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Steal this comment.

Cap'n Ergo Jinglebollocks said...

huh. Is pinching the theft signs Zen, Postmodernist or Deconstructionist?? I don't know...

Gifted Typist said...

Could remember if I'd commented or just thought something, I guess I just thought it:

You post and the picture created an optical and audio illusion that Eugene Levy was doing the talking and the sign stealing.

Funny that...

Dale said...

So to steal your heart, I must be even more criminal Elizabeth. I see now.

Never will I look out the window Fran, I might walk through one by mistake but that's it!

Catch me if you can Bubs/Javert! I'll swing to safety on the rope Write Procrastinator's given me!

We keep it cold even when it's hot Chancelucky, keeps the igloos intact.

Now that's a show I'd watch Chris. You should check out another of Write Procrastinator's homes: The Bad Lieutenant's Wife.

As long as it doesn't turn out to be schaudenfreude, I'm all for the name change Deadspot.

I'm all about wind chill values in winter and humidex advisories in summer Allison. Should I tape some info from the channel for you to watch?

They're definitely building a case Mob and when they roll that chair out with me on it, I hope they read a list of my accomplishments!

I think they stamped Do Not Re-Hire on my file there Bluez.

It's always mysterious but enjoyable when I see one of your carvings Falwless.

I see myself as more of a hat, I think I could really pull that off Pistols.

Sorry Beckeye, I shouldn't tease you about your part time lover Michael Johns and his being dispatched from the airwaves of American Idol. You know I love you at least as much as he does. Go Bindy!

I can get it to you VE but the shipping cost's a bitch!

This is only one of the many reasons I need you Coaster Punchman, I have no logic centre!

Love, love me do Katrocket. Need any signs?

You don't get it because I've stolen it Old Lady.

I'd set up a channel that looks out the window for me X. Dell.

I thought of deleting the comment and then commenting on it Dr. Monkey but I'm afraid of your power.

I'm not sure Cap'n Ergo but they're tasty when fried in a little butter and piled high.

The eyebrows set you off perhaps Gifted Typist, I'll have them worked on.

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