4/21/2008

Honeypot's Spring Line

Ah, spring. The plastic bags are in the trees, the sun is shining like it means to stay and my neighbor Honeypot has emerged from hibernation.

In less than a week, the old gal has played hostess to four spectacular backyard fires and is a definite shoe in to re-light that pesky torch should the I.O.C. run into any more trouble.

She's also been busy spring cleaning. How can I tell? Several garbage bags await rescue and as it's a week early for pick up, milady has made sure they have some company. The couch formerly gracing the backyard may have witnessed one startling romp too many and has been dragged curbside. The sight just brightens the whole neighborhood.

Click photo to behold the glory.


Not having a clothesline hasn't stopped my Honeypot from hanging her clothes out either. Eaves troughs until now have been too singularly purposed don't you think? It may not be evident from my surveillance photo but be assured, there are several sweatshirts in her signature red hanging just above that old pot, not unlike the way they hang on her.


I think I've asked this before but now I'm pleading, won't you be my neighbor?

47 comments:

Flannery Alden said...

Not unless you burn that place to the ground first. ::shiver:: I don't know if I could be your neighbor if it meant living amongst the honeypot cooties.

chelene said...

All I thought when I looked at that picture is, "thank Jesus that couch can't talk."

Bluez said...

Yanno I almost tagged you for a meme taking a pic from your front door and then one from your back door. Thanks you saved me from having to do that meme.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Hey that's the same couch I hauled out to the curb 15 years ago! I always wondered what happened to it.

Mob said...

Yikes.

I fear what would happen if she caught you in surveillance mode with your trusty camera.

I feel for you though, I once had hillrat neighbors upstairs who did nothing from dawn til dusk but stand outside on the balcony watching everyone with jobs and lives come and go. It was all very The Balcony Has Eyes and quite disturbing.

Falwless said...

Given the sofa and the sweatshirts, it's now clear to me why she wasn't named Moneypot.

The Freelance Guru said...

Ya'll should go say hello. You might get a free sofa.

FranIAm said...

You know, I have always wanted to live in Canada, so sure.

But are you going to start blogging about my trash too?

I mean, I just can't have that Dale, although I am willing to let go of my leopard print swimsuit for you.

Dale said...

I'm hoping she'll burn it to the ground all by herself Flannery. My yard's nice, I promise!

Absolutely Chelene, it spent last summer in her backyard and I shudder to think of the shuddering that might have taken place in, on or around it.

I covered it just like that Bluez!

You want it back now Barbara don't you?

I was in full stealth mode to snap the photos Mob. "The Balcony Has Eyes" is now my all time favourite fake movie title, thank you! Haha.

Falwless, I wish I'd said that! Hilarious.

It wouldn't be free from potential disease Freelance Guru but I can go over and put your name on it if you'd like.

We're generally very nice Fran so come on up and I promise - no trash mocking for the first 60 days.

Beth said...

Okay, I hang my clothes to dry from my porch railing — but I try to do it overnight and bring them in with brekkie. I just love the smell of fresh air on clean clothes.

Chris said...

DUDE! I feel your pain. My neighborhood is a cesspit.

Hey, go here if'n you're bored:
http://picasaweb.google.com/cradloff/070905NeighborhoodTrash
Those photos were all taken within a block or two of my house here in Sioux City, Iowa. (Odd that Sioux City's airline designation is "SUX.")

SkylersDad said...

Prior to hauling my couch out to my yard, I always make sure it has those grandma doily things on the arms. Just cause I am such a classy guy!

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

I have a soft spot for anyone who has fires in their backyard. In fact, Honeypot should've burned the couch. Man, that would've been way cool -- soak 'er up w/ gasoline, leave a long trail across the yard, and drop a match... guaranteed spectacular You-Tube-worthy footage!!!

Suze's Sass said...

Please don't tell me Honeypot is moving! Please don't tell me Honeypot is moving to the USA!!

Chancelucky said...

Dale,
I"m a little concerned about the way you know the exact number of times Honeypot has had backyard fires, monitor her trash pickup, and take notes on her hanging laundry to dry (she appears to be very ecology conscious). IT's clear to me that this isn't just neighborly interest.

I'm sure all you need to do is ask her for an invite to one of those backyard fires. Korean Bagel Lady might not approve,but your visit with your neighbor would make for an interesting blog.

You should be thinking of us rather than just your own private sense of horror and dread.

Elizabeth McQuern said...

That couch is the gnarliest thing I have ever seen.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Are you sure you don't live near me in TN?

Writeprocrastinator said...

"The couch formerly gracing the backyard may have witnessed one startling romp too many and has been dragged curbside. The sight just brightens the whole neighborhood."

The couch voted by criminologists to be the least desirable to run a UV light over.

pistols at dawn said...

Honeypot, I didn't even know how much I missed you 'til you came back, bearing a couch that assuredly has enough STDs to beat even the sauciest Armada.

Allison said...

Place the couch in a student ghetto and it would be gone within seconds.

Oh, and you're missing a "u" ;)

Grant Miller said...

Do you live next to the set of "Hee Haw?"

katrocket said...

That's a new level of gross:
"Sofa King gross".

Bubs said...

I forget, does Honeypot have any dogs? That would kind of complete the picture.

Leonesse said...

I need a new couch. Whats the address?

X. Dell said...

(1) I would love to have Honeypot as a neighbor. Her proximity could be profitable with the right lens filters.

(2) It was very thoughtful of her to leave a couch out there so that the garbage bags could rest during their wait for the garbageman.

Berry said...

Wait... a "startling romp"?

I hates surprises.

Artful Dodger said...

Well it could be worse. You could be in S Texas where if someone leaves trash out like that, other people come and add to the pile. It becomes a community event.

lulu said...

She's classy!

Holly said...

For some reason I'm so much more flummoxed by the clothes hanging from the eaves (started to write "heaves," which seems appropriate) than by the vile couch by the curb. The vile couch will be gone soon but the "eaves as clothesline" thing could be a new feature that won't go away until winter, only to return every summer thereafter. And the sheer... audacious ingenuity of it also strikes me, unpleasantly, like wet laundry in the face.

I hope you get a new neighbor soon, Dale.

BeckEye said...

I typed like 5 comments to this yesterday, none of which were to my liking. My funny is gone! My funny is gone! Oh, woe is me.

I'll just say that I love you, Dale. Everyone likes to hear that.

Dale said...

Beth, you are absolved of all your sins by virtue of your excellent contributions to society and the blog world in general.

It's good to know I'm not alone Chris. Couldn't get the link to work though. That sux.

You're a classy guy Skyler's Dad. Even your comments arrive on doilies.

It would be awesome and I'm sure she's starred in more than one film in her day Patrick.

Can I have your address Suze? I want to send you something.

You got me Chancelucky. I just feel so, so left out! I want to be a part of it plus it smells like they have really good pot. Remember the window I'm too lazy to look out of to check the weather? When I'm watching television, I can see the flames licking at well, never mind.

Elizabeth - Stick with me kid!

I'm not sure of anything anymore Dr. Monkey. If I pay you, will you take her?

It would make for a good Geraldo reveal wouldn't it WP? Only this time, there'd be something to see!

She's like a port in any storm and that's just the way she rolls (over) Pistols.

I ain't missing "u" at all, haha. I'm never sure if neighbor gets the neighbour treatment or not Allison. I'll tell her to leave her stuff at U of T next time!

Sah-lute! Grant Miller. I think I might.

You're definitely an advertising maven Katrocket, it just sounds right.

I guess you could call them dogs cause they're always sniffing around Bubs!

Turn left at the cornfield and follow the signs to the dump Leonesse.

I'm trying to relocate her X. Dell so if you take her, I'll throw in the filters! Now who's thoughtful huh?

I hates them too Berry.

You know, I've seen that phenomenon here too Artful Dodger, often at those clothing drop boxes for Goodwill, people just pile all sorts of crap around them.

Lulu! I miss you when you're not here. She's classy with a capital K.

I can't wait to see what else ends up hanging there Holly. Yesterday, no lie, there was a man in her driveway with a beach towel around his head just leaning against the house. I need to move because clearly, she's staying put.

Beckeye, I love you too and that's all that matters. Love, Dale

mellowlee said...

Lucky lucky you to have such a neighbor Dale *sigh*

That couch just looks so sad!

VE said...

I'd be glad to be your neighbor. Can you help me take down this meth lab in the basement?

the princess said...

she's very resourceful, wha? ah spring cleaning. it's happening here too. i have not taken pictures yet though.

Distributorcap said...

dale - i will be your neighbor

you know in NYC if you leave anything like that out it will disappear by morning. even the rats like couches.

as for the clothesline --- does she hang her bras out to dry?

genn6 said...

Geez...where does she think she lives, the U.S.?

Old Lady said...

Dale, consider this seriously now, you thrive on curious characters in your life. Bagel Lady, Honey Pot, Odd Tubers. If Honey Pot moves who could possibly take her place? The peach cobbler lady? The tacky present man? If Honey Pot indeed moves I suggest that we, your avid readers, interview the next tenant. We want to make sure that you are suprised on a daily basis by your neighbors for our pruient interests!

Chris said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chris said...

Sorry 'bout the deleted post there... I'm trying to figure out how to get a link to work in these here comments. Pesky code...

This work?

My Neighborhood

James said...

I hate to say it...but your neighbor sounds like me.

Beth said...

Spreading the gospel of R.E.M. throughout the blogworld is so very important during these troubled times, and I'm glad you recognize the burden on my shoulders.

Valerie said...

Next time you should have some sort of "caption me" contest with pictures you take over the fence of Honeypot's world.

I hope she is spring cleaning, cuz that just means more blog material for you!

"Signature red"? Is that bad? I wear a lot of red too. I blame it on the "Color Me Beautiful" book my sister showed me when I was in junior high. I'm a Winter.

Dale said...

Good news Mel - it's gone! Finally! And so is the garbage. That just leaves the driveway which is strewn with junk and of course the backyard.

I love Meth! VE, call me!

Take photos before and after Princess and let us judge you.

Thankfully there have been no bras hung out to dry yet Distributor Cap. I could always move to NYC. Can you get me something rent controlled?

The audacity! Genn6, I don't think she knows where she is at all.

Old Lady, you're absolutely right. Imagine how boring life and blogging would be without such fine pickings? I'll give you first dibs on selecting my new neighbors.

Chris! You're living in a friggin' war zone by the looks of it. Should I ask Honeypot if she has room for you and Dagmar?

At least you have the class to wear a hat James. That counts for a lot.

We all count on you Beth and you never let us down. I'm loving the new album by the way!

Good idea Valerie! Better red than dead, am I right? Or in the case of a blog, perhaps better read than dead is more appropriate.

Jill said...

I will bee your neighbour, but i would do stuff just to drive you nut!

Dale said...

I'd take video and make you a YouTube superstar Jill.

Jill said...

Admit it it won't be only for youtube!Ìt would be for your personal collection too!

Dale said...

Of course I would Jill!