4/23/2007

Learn To Dance With Dale

Whenever it rains, as it is now and ferociously, I'm reminded of what a bonehead I am. It's not of course the only time I'm reminded of this but let's stick to this bit of business shall we?

A while back, I'd bought some new shoes. Like a good shoe owner, I'd decided to spray them to protect them from the elements. The best place for this is outside on the backyard deck as the smell of that spray'll knock you out, at least if you're doing it right.

I sprayed the shoes and went on to wear them many times with the confidence of a man who knows his feet won't turn colour if the shoes get wet.

Some time later, I was sitting and watching television. The chair I was lazing in sits beside the sliding door leading out to the deck. The sound of rain is so soothing isn't it, especially if you're warm and dry?

Something suddenly caught my eye! I jumped in surprise at seeing a sight I couldn't reconcile for a moment. Footprints! On the deck! Had someone been standing there watching me and suddenly bolted? No, who has that uninteresting a life?

It was the outline of where I'd sprayed my shoes. They looked like those little learn to dance diagrams. When I say sometimes I scare myself, I mean it. My fear quickly washed away turning this into one of the few times I've ever actually heard laughter in the rain, my own.

Dance anyone?

38 comments:

Tanya Espanya said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA! And you make fun of me for liking the name Olivier? Nerdo.

Bluez628 said...

LMAO!! That was too funny and SO something I would do...

BeckEye said...

This post reminded me of three things all at once: "Footprints" by Squeeze, "New Shoes" by Paolo Nutini and Dance Dance Revolution, the game that will make you feel klutzier than you ever knew you were.

Fearless said...

It looks like someone murdered two pairs of shoes on your porch.

gifted typist said...

I think it's sweet. It does look like dance steps and this implies the great times that were had on that deck. You can almost hear the laughter against the '40s swing music on a warm summer's night...

Flannery Alden said...

It looks like a bunny hop...if so, I'm in!

X. Dell said...

That's really funny. Although I wouldn't rule out government surveillance. After all, you presumably sprayed your shoes the one time. Yet there are two different stains there.

I think the Mounties are secretly using your deck to waterproof their boots. It's a conspiracy, I tell ya'.

Tanya Espanya said...

Oooh, Beckeye, yessss that Dance Revolution thing looks like fun!

Jake's Mom said...

Who else but you could think of protecting the spot where you protected your shoes!
I like your humor in connection with the mundane things in life.

John Mutford said...

If the spray protects from the elements, does that mean those footprints are there indefinitely? Too funny. My mind would have raced to the same creepy conclusion. Fortunately, I spray my shoes under a tarp, pass out from the fumes and my god, is that a chicken?

Coaster Punchman said...

It's just a jump to the left! And then a step to the riii-iii-iii-iii-iiight!

Sorry, just had to.

chelene said...

Hilarious! The difference between you and me is that I would have locked myself in the bathroom for an hour or so before I realized the truth.

Dale said...

I'd make fun of you anyway Tanya. I'm choreographing a dance right now for the new baby when he comes. I call it Dance of the No Way Am I Babysitting.

Glad you laughed Bluez, get spraying.

I know your #1 and #3 but I'm lost on the Paolo, I'll have to look that up Beckeye. Any video of you that could start a Dance Dance Revolution?

Those shoes were already dead when I showed up Fearless.

You're far more poetic than I am Gifted Typist. I should put some music to the post and see if the outlines start moving.

It makes me so hoppy to know you'll join in Flannery. When can you get here?

X. Dell, I'd never rule out government surveillance or the Mounties angle.

Being heavily pregnant Tanya, I'd suggest you limber up with a game of Twister first.

I like that you're basically calling my life mundane and getting away with it Jake's Mom.

I'd have to see the size of the chicken's feet John. They'll be there a while I'm sure, them's good chemicals.

My label was left incomplete for just that reason CP. But now it has a riii-iii-iii-iii-iiight! Thank you.

Chelene, I'm very brave after I stop screaming and shaking and realize there's nothing to fear.

Beth said...

Oh, Dale, you really need to spray a foxtrot out there.

In downtown Chattanooga, there's a stretch of sidewalk with dance steps in the cement. It's so much fun to dance down the street!

Bubs said...

I like that--all that's missing is the white dotted lines between the steps. You need to get out there and spray in a few more steps before th next rain.

The Freelance Cynic said...

Haha I'm totally going to have to try that.

gizmorox said...

That is hilarious!

Marni said...

THAT is great!!!!!

Tenacious S said...

That was water repellent spray wasn't it? Maybe you should just go ahead and do the whole deck. Seems to be a much easier application than most deck sealants.

Coaster Punchman said...

Why do I keep missing the damn labels on this blog? It's just evidence that sick minds think alike.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Dude...




..that's...



...the....


...ghost...


...of...


...Gene Kelly.

You can only exorcise him by playing the laser disc of "Xanadu," backwards. Not the DVD, that only gets rid of Olivia Newton John, the laser disc.

BTW, I'm having a jealousygasm. I showed this to the Missus and she says that you are funnier than me.

668 aka neighbour of the beast said...

ha ha!

seattle too, has a street with dance steps in it. and yes, i have been caught trying to foxtrot. it's damn hard!

Keith Kennedy said...

That stuff you spray on shoes to make them weather-proof is strong enough to take the paint off of a window sill.

Yea, I learned just like you did.

Now I only do it on the driveway - right next to the oil spots!

Jill said...

It depends which one!!!
And are you willing to teach it to me??

Chancelucky said...

Those are tough footprints to fill there. You think they might be the same size as OJ Simpson's Bruno Magglio's? If so, you could be in a for a major reward.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I always slip my hand into the shoe, hold it at arm's length and spray away, thereby waterproofing my left arm and any passing birds in one shot.

By the way, your first suspicion was correct - that was me spying on you. When did you buy that nice lamp that's beside the window?

Grant Miller said...

Cute picture. But I've never sprayed my shoes. Does that mean I'm uncouth?

gifted typist said...

Dale, that comment a few comments up was the most inclusive multiple comment response I've ever seen on one of these comment rolls. I'm taking notes.

And BTW, the music would be Moonlight Serenade by the Glenn Miller Band

Dale said...

For you Beth, I'll spray a few different numbers. I need a drink or two before I trip the light fantastic though.

I may just do that Bubs but Beth gets the first dance okay?

You don't have to Freelance but I think you should too.

You should have seen the look on my face when I first jumped out of my skin Gizmorox.

Can I dance with you and the doggy too Marni?

Not a bad idea Tenacious S. It reminds me of that 'why don't they make the whole airplane out of the black box material' question.

You're in good sick minds company Coaster Punchman. As for why you're not reading my labels, I don't know. Doesn't sound very 'strategic' of you though.

With that comment Write Procrastinator, I think your marriage is safe, hilarious!

What's with all the dancin' in the streets 668? I'm surprised by it but I like it.

Doing it on the driveway sounds hot Keith, luckily this is not your parent's blog.

I'll take you for a whirl around the deck Jill, sure, do you know any French dances?

If they're his feet, I must retreat Chancelucky. I wouldn't mind a pair of Brunos though.

I thought you might like it Barbara, I got it at a store called Moss . I've proofed my arm too but I don't think I've ever hit the wildlife. Well done!

You're not uncouth Grant, you just live on the soggy edge.

Great song choice Gifted Typist. When you analyze your notes, let me know the results.

mellowlee said...

OH man, that is hilarious! :O)

Andi said...

Oh dear lord. lol I love it.

Dale said...

There's always room for more feet on the deck Mel and Andi! And it's supposed to rain again tomorrow.

PinkFluffySlippers said...

Clearly this is a new reason to buy more shoes. You must finish the dance pattern.

Dale said...

Hmm, not a bad idea Pink Fluffy Slippers, I'll have to get on that. I'd spray your slippers too but it might ruin them.

Jill said...

French dance, no. I know an Acadian dance, but just the two of us won't be enough!!!
Wear steel toe boot, I suck at that kind of dancing!!
Your deck seems kite huge!!! You lucky b.... We don't even have one, and I live in the country side!!!

Dale said...

Build a deck and we'll have a dance party Jill, everyone in steel toed boots.

Shooting Star said...

Learn to dance like the stars! here, here, HERE

Dale said...

A year later and now I get spam on this? You like the slow dances don't you Shooting Star?