4/04/2007

There's A Kind Of Hush

Since I've been carrying a few extra pounds around lately, I've decided the best way to shed them is to head for London and spend the damned things.

I've lined up a few things that I feel I must see and do and otherwise plan on a lot of sightseeing and not worrying about how much everything costs. This is easy for me because when it comes to math, I've got the brains God gave a table. No ongoing conversions in my head everytime I buy something, no siree! I've already forgotten that 1 British pound = 2.26 Canadian dollars. Come what may.
One of the things the guide books seem to be very hush hush about is that if you play your cards right, it's possible to get an audience, no, not with the Queen or even Helen Mirren but with beloved cyberstalking icon Coaster Punchman and his brilliant accomplice Melinda June.

Currently on 'vacation', CP is no doubt selling all his Strategic Sales Secrets with MJ acting as his fence while avoiding stepping in swan poop in her badass boots. My job will be not to appear completely travel drunk after a 7+ hour overnight flight that begins this evening. If you have any questions for them, please feel free to post them and I'll be sure to pose them. The questions, not the people.

Special preparations for this trip - I watched Snakes on a Plane. What better way could there be to say I hate you! to yourself than by settling in with an entertaining, disgusting, and anxiety inducing pre-flight film than this? It was pretty enjoyable but I won't be remembering that if an overhead compartment should suddenly spring open; I'll be screaming, pushing old people down and looking for safe haven inside the drink cart. My other special preparations include thinking about packing. This could happen at any time so I'm ready for when it does.If I'm not able to get any blogging time in, rest assured I'll miss nearly each and every one of you. Cheerio! Or is it Cheery Oh! Either way, it's time for breakfast.

35 comments:

Tanya Espanya said...

I miss you already.

Beth said...

I wanna go. May I stalk you while you stalk CP?

Flannery Alden said...

Sigh...well, I'll keep a stiff upper lip, wot!

Cheers, govn'ah!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Make sure to interject during the pre-flight safety demonstration to inquire about their emergency snake bite procedures and to determine which waitress, er flight attendant has received sucking-out-venom training. Then insist that that flight attendant be your personal assistant for the duration of the flight.

And do get Melinda June to show you where you can get yourself a pair of those kick-ass boots. I think you really need them, and besides everything is so cheap over there!

I miss you. Bring me back something nice.

668 aka neighbour of the beast said...

i want those boots!

ps.. have a good time.

Dale said...

You're just saying that so I'll lift the restraining order Tanya.

I'll have to ask Beth. Yes, the answer is yes.

Cheers Ms. Alden, don't hold the lip too long, it'll stick like that!

I'll just give the waitress my order 'leave a little of the venom in, I've got a blog to run!' Barbara. Somehow I think I'd lose if I tried to wrest them from MJ's feet.

Thanks 668. You want them in her size or yours?

Old Lady said...

What do you mean 'nearly'?

Mob said...

Have fun sir, and stay out of the lavatory with your rutting, I believe that's also a hotbed of serpentine activity, based on a documantary I saw awhile back.

lulu said...

I knew I was right!

BeckEye said...

I wonder how different "Snakes on a Plane" would be with a Brit in the lead role. Someone like Hugh Grant. I guess "I'm tired of all these m*f'ing snakes on this m*f'ing plane" would be replaced with something like, "Bloody hell. The serpents on this aeroplane are making me go quite daft."

Dale said...

Just being a smartass Old Lady, not like me is it?

Haha, I think I'd like to see a list of the documentary titles you watch Mob but I will heed your advice.

Lulu, you big ruiner! :-) You was right.

And the snakes would be pasty and have only crooked fangs Beckeye.

Tumuli said...

First Shroomy, then CP, and now you? So much British revival and resulting vacations. Wish I could board a plane and come along.

Dale said...

There's still time Tumuli, head for the airport now!

X. Dell said...

Breakfast will be the best meal you'll find in the UK.

Happy landings. I haven't been back to the UK since '84. I'd like to see it again, but I recall that the last time I was there, I bought pounds for $1.31USD. Can't think of paying a couple of clams and change.

How I envy you. Have fun. Try to stay out of the papers.

"jew" "girl" said...

have the best time, daleish. london is a ball and a half. hug yourselves for us.

peace out,
jewgirl

Grant Miller said...

Don't forget to tell the flight attendents about the snake in your pants. They love that.

chelene said...

Have fun, London rocks!

Allison said...

Oh, those boots are most excellent.

Have a great time, and try to pick up some new slang!

Coaster Punchman said...

I don't think you'll see this before you leave, but in case you do, we are writing to warn you that Mindy is quite spazzy in person for the first half hour or so, until she calms down. Kind of like one of her former daschunds.

668 aka neighbour of the beast said...

uh, that would be my size. i can then wear my matching gloves with them. i need to get some leopard tights as well. oh hell, i want the whole edith prickley outfit!

Johnny Yen said...

Dale, I'll leave you with the advice my ten-year-old stepdaughter gave me for my trip to Seattle:

"If the movie on the airplane is 'Happy Feet,' just watch the first couple of minutes-- that's the best part."

Vaya con dios, mi amigo.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Dale! Dale! Come back, Dale!

PinkFluffySlippers said...

"when labels attack" gets my vote for Best Label Ever. Have a splendid trip Dale.

gizmorox said...

Yay for England! Have a good time!

Bubs said...

Another lucky jet-setting bastard!

Safe journey!

Chancelucky said...

Have a great time Dale.

mellowlee said...

I hope you have a great time Dale! Take lotsa pics!

Winter said...

I'm so upset, this is all too sudden.

I've had no time to prepare.

The Freelance Cynic said...

If that's your idea of Britain you about to be let down.

And it's cheery Ho actually. Geeze, bloody foreigners...

John said...

I usually end up with the passenger in the window seat with Irritiable Bowels on a Plane.

JDC

Dale said...

Made it with little to no trouble at all. Stop.

Having a wonderful time. Stop.

Glad you're not all here. I've got things to do. Stop.

Stop. Dale. Stop!

Jill said...

Did I read well?? You gonna miss us??
I need to trick the baggage compartiment to open just for ya!!! I'll be laugher way more loud than now!!

Dale said...

So far I haven't been arrested X. Dell so I guess I'm doing okay. My best breakfast so far was a bacon sandwich. You can get a bacon & sausage one as well which I shied away from. Day One's full English breakfast was good though, if a tad artery clogging.

Tons o' fun so far Jew Girl. I even saw some sort of Jewish gathering going on in Hyde Park. I think I heard your name being chanted too.

Haha, I'll save that for the ride home Grant Miller and see how the reaction is.

It does too Chelene. Tell me why you're not here again?

She didn't wear those ones Allison but the one she had on were kick ass red! Attempting to gather slang as I go.

Her tics and pops were barely noticeable CP but that's because I was so drunk. Lucky for all concerned I think.

668! You just said the magic words: Edith Prickley. I loves me some Edith. Years back I saw Andrea Martin's one woman show 'Nude Nude Totally Nude' and she revived some of her beloved characters from SCTV and Edith was a showstopper.

Now that's a smart kid Johnny Yen. I actually watched 'Notes on a Scandal' with Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett and it was excellent. Judi was intense.

WP - It's too late baby now it's too late...

You're a sweetheart Pink Fluffy. Things are going splendidly.

Thanks Gizmorox, it's fun all the way.

You say the sweetest things Bubs. I am indeed just what you called me.

Thanks CL. I have a feeling I'll have lots of reading / catching up to do when I get back.

Your wish is my command Mel, I'm probably into the hundreds of photos by now.

Winter, I didn't want to give you too much time to react one way or the other. On your toes is the way I like it.

I accept any and all corrections because I am indeed a mindless foreigner. But I am generally Canadian and polite as well. You asshole.

Always check seatguru.com before you book your seats for good tips on where they put the babies and irritable bowel types John, it's heaven sent.

Oh hi Dale, you're shameless and ridiculous.

Jill, that's pretty funny. If only you could have managed it, I would have been screaming while you laughed.

wonderturtle said...

"What better way could there be to say I hate you! to yourself"

Heh.

Dale said...

WT, elusive blogging lovely, how've you been?