11/07/2007

Something To Talk About

It's been a rough few days for me and I've had a hard time concentrating. I tend to shy away from writing about personal issues although from time to time, that has happened.

This is one of those situations where you've heard people say "I never thought it could happen to me" and you take stock, realize how lucky you are and move on with your life thankful that it wasn't you.

It's different now. I've become one of those people. I never thought it could happen to me. My first thought was Isn't this something that is supposed to only affect women? Well, now that I've had treatment and done a bit of research, I realize that's simply not the case.

I fretted my way through Monday and Tuesday feeling sorry for myself and thinking about how this would change the way people view me and decided today, I had to bounce back and try to move on with my life. I might as well just go ahead and say it, loosen the powerful grip it's had over me. My name is Dale and I had static cling.

My pants spent the better part of the day trying to ride up my legs and a good half a can of Static Guard did absolutely nothing to solve the problem. I feel better getting that off my chest, almost as good as when I pulled those wretched pants from my legs. Maybe things will work out after all.

57 comments:

pistols at dawn said...

You know, I had this problem once before myself, and it turns out that even my pants think my ass is amazing and can't get enough of it.

Tanya Espanya said...

I like tight pants on you.

Suzel's Sass said...

The trick is to spray your pantyhose also.

Distributorcap said...

i can only imagine what happens when if you get the heartbreak of psoriasis

Jacy said...

You scared me for a moment and I thought you were going to say you had an ovarian cyst or something.

Static cling tip: moisturizing lotion. I even spready some on my tights in the winter when I am wearing a skirt. Yes, sounds weird. But it works.

Slather up those legs, hot stuff -- there will be less cling.

And come to dinner on Saturday night. You can be my date.

katrocket said...

I would enjoy the better part of my day a lot more if only I could spend it riding up your legs.

anandamide said...

Oh Dale, be strong. You can beat this....

Franki said...

Gawd, I thought you had breast cancer.

chelene said...

I thought breast cancer too but I'm relieved that you only had a temporary bout of male cameltoe.

jewgirl said...

daleish, what a horrific and devastating experience that must have been for you. was the peeny caught up in cling, too? that can be a good thing or so I'm told.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Haven't I been saying that you would look really sweet in a kilt? Get yourself a great big sporran too and you will never suffer the heartbreak of static cling again.

Jacy said...

I actually thought breast cancer too ... the bastard scared me.

And male camel toe just made me laugh out loud, Chelene. Tasty!

Blowing Shit Up With Gas said...

What's in Static Guard, anyway?

Beth said...

A camel-toed Bee Boy. It's a visual that tickles my imagination.

Marni said...

Male camel toe -- oh lordy I needed that this morning.

Dale said...

I don't know, I think you look fat in that Pistols, but I'd never say it.

Yes you do Tanya.

Suzel, where were you when I needed you?

I wrote a post once called The Heartbreak of Psoriasis but as I recall it had nothing to do with it Distributor Cap.

I wear my ovaries on the outside and they look fine Jacy. Thanks for the tip but I'm worried once I started with the lotion, well, never mind. Saturday looks like a bust, I've got a date with my 14 year old dentist and all his Little Tikes dental instruments.

That sounds great Katrocket but how would I get you off?

Beat what Anandamide? Was there an offer somewhere in there?

Sorry Franki, and I wonder why nobody takes me seriously. I'm a schmuck.

The cameltoe, now you've put that in everyone's mind Chelene you dirty dirty girl. If I'd been a better writer, I would have made mention that it was the lower half of my legs that were the problem, I just hike my pants up like that everyday.

Katie - see above. The peeny is accounted for and feels good always.

You have not been saying that Barbara, at least not to me. I'm not sure it's a look I could pull off although the kilt, well, that'd be easy enough.

Sorry Jacy, I live in my own head so I'm never sure what reaction anyone will have to anything. Thank you for caring. Lotion?

Thousands of tiny scrubbing bubbles I believe BSUWG. Actually, I don't know, I prefer not knowing about better living with chemicals dilemmas until I see them on the news.

Anything that tickles you Beth makes it all worthwhile. You're welcome.

How bad did you need it Marni? How bad?!

Holly said...

I can't believe no one has suggested already that you just stop wearing pants. I am pretty sure you would look FABULOUS in a utilikilt.

Chris said...

If there's anything I can do to help you during this difficult time, say the word.

Skylers Dad said...

Can we at least start some sort of fund-raiser or something? I feel so powerless out here...

Allison said...

I was actually worried for a second. Geez. I should have know better.

John Mutford said...

I'm afraid I'll no longer be able to comment here. I'm prejudiced against any man who can't master static electricity.

Chancelucky said...

Clearly Dale, you're just an electric personality. I read the thing and I kept imagining it as one of your audio blogs. What's up with that?

Old Lady said...

This is what happens when a person doesn't visit often enough. Last in the comment line, Sigh! Shame on me. But...being a person who likes to make lemonade out of lemons, When I am statically clingy
I roust about the office touching people, sparking them full of life and ambition and hate and discontent. Love ya baby!

Bubs said...

You poor thing.

We had a problem in the office years ago, in our old building, with one of the computers going on the fritz. Turns out the problem was static electricity, and the solution of our IT people was to give us a spray bottle of Downy fabric softener to spritz on the carpet around the work station occasionally. We were the most Downy-fresh smelling detectives around.

Keith Kennedy said...

blue jeans only - they never cling!

Now if you start having a period, let us know right away

Jill said...

If you stop thinking about me, your concentration will be way better!!
And do I have to go and show you how to do laundry to have static free clothes?? And try natural fabric, I think they tend to have less static in them!!

And I have to say that I thought the same thing as Chelene and Franki!!

genn6 said...

wear pantyhose next time so your legs look nice when your pants ride up.

I thought you were aiming for breast cancer...that happens in dudes too, but fortunately it was only an electrical wardrobe malfunction.

BeckEye said...

Yeah, I thought this was going to be like that very special episode of "Golden Girls" when the slutty one hit menopause.

Maybe it's that steel plate you had put in your left ball, from the war. You're not a firecrotch, you're a magnacrotch.

X. Dell said...

Thank goodness. For a second there I thought you were going to tell us you had uterine cancer.

Dale said...

I think I'd look better than that guy in the ad anyway Holly! Sadly, I'm the only one that ever suggests I go pantsless.

Chris, I had a word in mind but it didn't stick, it's gone. Thank you for your support.

That's a terrible feeling Sklyer's Dad and I don't want you to feel bad so fundraising is definitely alright by me.

I think I should have known better Allison. But I don't.

If it hadn't happened to me John, I'd be boycotting me too.

It means you're too lazy to read anymore Chancelucky and you just want someone to talk you to sleep.

Never last Old Lady! I like your suggestion, next time, I'm going to reach out and touch. Statically clingy - love that.

Justice never smelled so good and less like doughnuts I'll bet Bubs!

What about occasional spotting Keith? Jeans is a good answer!

That's a fairly sensible solution Jill. Are you feeling okay? I am trying to stop thinking of you too.

I remember the guy on Oz who got breast cancer Genn6. I'm sticking with socks for now though if that's alright.

Magnacrotch, magnadoodle, that's me Beckeye. Am I the slutty one then? Or was the very special episode of Blossom I'm thinking of?

I'm pretty happy it didn't work out that way too X. Dell. I don't need any medical surprises.

Jill said...

I should stop writting commenting here when taking medecine, then!!
Does that mean that the headache I've been having the last 4 days is you trying to get into my head??

Jill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
radialrelish said...

?

gifted typist said...

Dale, I'm so sorry. Do they have ribbons for static cling? I'll buy one. And if they have a Run for the Static Cling cure, I'm there next year with your name on my back.
Be brave, my friend.

Andi said...

*spraying you down with Static Guard*

Evil Evil Genius said...

How the hell do you get 35 comments on a post about static cling? I can't even read them all. I will assume they are all witty and clever (I am also assuming red has not commented.)

julia said...

'How the hell do you get 35 comments on a post about static cling?'

You see what a secret heartbreak it is for so many.

mellowlee said...

Whatcha need is a box of Bounce fabric sheets to go with that nifty tide stain remover pen *G* Have a great weekend Dale!

Writeprocrastinator said...

Smokey The Dry Cleaner sez- Only you, can prevent static cling and that will be $24.50 for the three outfits.

Tenacious S said...

That's tragic! Rub softner sheets on your legs next time.

Leonesse said...

Stop humping the cat.

Bluez said...

you can read my comment under your last post.

Now, who's the dumbass!

Johnny Yen said...

I find that just not wearing pants solves that. I just have to make sure to wear one of my nicer pairs of boxers then.

larry h. said...

Hello mate, just had to drop in and for a while I was getting worried ... until I discovered it was about static cling. Ah, such clever wit, my good man. Could have been worst, mate ... like testicle cling. Aye, talk about awkward AND annoying.:)

Marloes said...

Isn't this something that is supposed to only affect women? Excuse me?....I have never been staticly clinged in aal my life!
Maybe you should start shaving your legs?

Jill said...

You are starring in a movie at my blog, Dale!!

Coaster Punchman said...

Scared me for a second there. I thought I was going to have to stop making fun of you.

Grant Miller said...

Shorter posts, tighter pants please.

Dale said...

Jill, I'd rely more on your doctor(s) than my blog at this point.

Radialrelish - !

Thanks GT, it's been a tough go but it looks like I'm going to make it. I guess we'd have no problem having the ribbon stick to our coats though would we?

It was so bad Andi that even the gods of Static Guard were powerless!

Evil evil Genius! You know yours is the only comment I read. Red who?

I'm not sure who has the biggest break in their heart by this point Julia.

You've got a good memory Mel! I have one of those pens at my desk and one at home. I think I should have a holster actually.

I'll pay anything Smokey but apparently it's only you who can prevent it, not me!

I've going to try every remedy suggested should it happen again Ten S. The problem was that I seemed to be fine all the way to work and then it started to act up.

They're not related Leonesse, I swear.

I saw them there Bluez but it's still me, never fear.

Maybe I'll try it next time with just the boxers Johnny, less screaming perhaps.

Hey Larry H! Testicle cling is not good unless...never mind.

Another excellent suggestion Marloes. I'm going to be quite a looker when I'm done.

I blowed up real good Jill.

Never stop CP, promise.

The shorter posts I can't promise Grant but I'll work on the tighter pants right now.

Jill said...

The worst, Dale, is Julia was responding to your comment, thinking that you would come back!!

Dale said...

She will learn in time Jill.

Berry said...

Did you at least take advantage of the moment to rubber a balloon against your pants and make it stick to the wall??

(Oh, how I've missed reading you!)

Berry said...

To rub.... RUB a balloon against your pants.

"Rubber" a balloon just sounds perverted.

Dale said...

Berry Berry Berry, going off and getting married in the middle of blog reading season, well, it's just not done! Okay, I forgive you. Rub a dub dub.

Jill said...

You should have include a picture of you legs with the static clinch...

Dale said...

Too late Jill, the calamity is over.

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