6/14/2007

Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Wheelchairs

A lot of people in wheelchairs just look bored to me. I wonder if they long for a sense of speed and adventure? In my usual generosity of spirit, I am offering help.

Knowing how much fun those little remote controlled cars can be, I thought, why not remote controlled wheelchairs? With people in them.

After a few minor modifications to the chairs and providing complimentary helmets, all that would be left to do would be wait for the looks of joy on those faces as we, the bored and able bodied, helped them whiz their way right into a real life smash up derby! It's not like anyone would get much more hurt than they were already, right?

To any disabled folks who might find this offensive, please let it be known that I do not support dwarf tossing, that's just mean.

29 comments:

Tanya Espanya said...

Like that dude that was stuck in the truck earlier this week...

jin said...

I am evil.

But it's your fault.

I knew not how sick I was until I laughed uncontrollably at this post.

bad, bad Dale

Allison said...

Well, so long as there are complimentary helmets.

I can't vouch for all, but I used to work with a few individuals, wheelchair bound, and they did enjoy it when we picked up the pace while walking.

Flannery Alden said...

You are an evil genius. I doff my hat at you, good sir.

Evil Genius said...

Wait, wait, wait. Who is a what now, Ms. Alden?

No offense, Dale...but that is not a term I can have people throwing around lightly.

(p.s. New York Doll now in my queue.)

mellowlee said...

I've lost track of how many times I've nearly been mowed down by someone in a power wheel chair, whizzing down the sidewalk! Hehe!

Saviour Onassis said...

FYI... My brothers wheelchair has sport tires and has NO handles on the back, so he can't get pinned to the front of semi-trucks. I don't really think he would object to a remote control, as long as he was the one holding it.

Rent the movie Murderball if you want to see some rock 'em sock 'em wheelchair action. It's great...

Bubs said...

You could give them jousting lances, kind of like "Medieval Times" on wheels.

Here's a title for the documentary you can make about it:

"Steel Rims of Glory"

Doc said...

bubs: You just plain crack me up, sir! You need to come to Tiki some night!

Doc

Beth said...

Steel Rims of Glory: I think I saw that on Spectravision.

Dale said...

Are you talking about your soon to be born baby again Tanya? I wouldn't say you're truck sized, well, I would but not to your belly.

It's always my fault Jin, I thrive on the blaming and shaming.

I insist on the helmets Allison at least for the people controlling the chairs.

Mildy evil Flannery, doff away!

Clearly Evil Genius, you are an evil genius, I mean, it's right there in your name. Plus, that tie!

It's our turn Mel, once I get a couple of legal things checked out, I'll let you help me control them.

Gee Saviour, where's the fun if there's not at least a chance of getting pinned by a semi? Actually, I remember hearing about Murderball and seeing a clip and it looked pretty amazing.

I love it Bubs, how should I credit you?

Don't worry about me Doc, I don't need to go to a Tiki night, sniff.

I'm going to need a crew, promo materials and hair Beth. You in?

Barbara Bruederlin said...

It's all fun till sombody puts an eye out.

Old Lady said...

Well, most have joy boxes now.

John Mutford said...

Dale, sick.

Barbara, And here I've been saying "It's all fun and games when somebody puts an eye out." Ooops.

Flannery Alden said...

Evil Genius, I only called Dale *an* evil genius, not *THE* Evil Genius. No offense intended. Maybe I should call Dale Mad Scientist of Humor?

And Dale, you can come to Tiki anytime you want. I'll save you a seat.

Chancelucky said...

Dale,
you need to see Murder Ball.

Johnny Yen said...

That poor kid in the wheelchair on the grill of the truck sure didn't look bored...

Dale said...

I love it when that happens Barbara, give everyone a break and time to recharge their batteries!

Oh the joy of a joy box or a joy stick or just plain Joy!

Thank you John, yes, I am. And clearly, so are you.

Yes Flannery, there can only be one THE Evil Genius, I agree. Tiki? Yay! Sounds like fun.

I plan on it Chancelucky. The clip I saw was actually pretty interesting so I'm not sure how I haven't seen it yet.

Thanks for the link Johnny Yen. I vaguely recall hearing about it with my exceptionally poorly tuned nose for news but now I'm up on it. Just like Tanya.

BeckEye said...

I'm afraid of people in wheelchairs. Their arms are freakishly strong. Unless they're quadruplegics. I will go to hell if I continue along on this stream of consciousness, so that's all I'm sayin'.

gifted typist said...

Dale Robert Munsch wrote a kids book about a kid who gets a "monster wheelchair"
It's called Zoom

Coaster Punchman said...

If I were in a wheelchair I would use it as an excuse to abuse strangers verbally.

Jill said...

Do you think it was not invented yet???
And Bubs idea is way better than yours...

X. Dell said...

You could also fly them around in remote-controlled helicopters or airplanes. That might clear up the sidewalks a little, and a dogfight is much more fun to watch then a demolition derby.

jewgirl said...

sweetie, I think you just invented a new category for the handylympics. you go, daleish.

why aren't you into dwarf tossing? I'm very upset about this new development. what about midget wrestling, is that still on the to do list?

Dale said...

Stay cool in all that potential heat Beckeye. I'm afraid of Americans.

Thanks for the tip Gifted Typist, I'll have a look.

What do you use when they call you on it now CP?

Yes Jill, Bubs has the best ideas and that's why you should fall in love with him and only comment there. Thanks!

Brilliant X. Dell, I'm on it.

Only publicly will I deny my willingness to toss dwarves. That TLC show Big World, Little Midgets would be a lot more interesting if they threw the midges around more.

deadspot said...

Did you see the episode of Father Ted with the old priests' soccer game? Ted tried to fix the game by hooking up a remote control to one of their wheelchairs.

Jill said...

You'll miss me!!

Berry said...

HAAAAAAA-HA-HA-HA!! Oh my god I've missed reading you.

Dale said...

I didn't see it Deadspot but now I can totally picture it now! Sounds pretty damned funny.

Yes of course I will Jill. Enjoy!

Berry! Oh Berry! Where have you been?