1/02/2007

Dance Anyone?

To be back in the office when I feel shouldn’t have to work for a living at all is one thing, but to fire up my work email and find a message from the building ‘concierge’ about desperation and hope? Well, it’s nearly too much.

The message describes a singles gala dance to be held on New Year’s Eve. The email wasn’t sent until December 28, 2006. Who doesn’t already have plans by that point? Oh, right, the singles.

The larger tragedy is not that the singles have to pretend to cancel other plans to attend but that the the heading of the email was New Year's Eve Single’s Gala. Why am I picturing a solitary sap in an ill fitting suit holding a dried up corsage while the light from the disco ball mocks him? And why would I mention my prom night at a time like this?

No matter where you put the apostrophe, it’s all a bit of a catastrophe isn't it? Singles? You’re sad. And even my building concierge knows it.

45 comments:

Chancelucky said...

Dale,
Is your building concierge male or female? Whole different anecdote depending on the gender :}

Coaster said...

I never make any plans. Why didn't I get the invitation? Damn! I may not be single, but I am still a loser.

justacoolcat said...

A building concierge turned matchmaker? I'll bet his/her card has the title of "Senior Social Engineer".

Monkey McWearingChaps said...

I'm sorry I stood you up.

Zed said...

Go straighten out the concierge, Dale. He needs to be stopped. And he needs to know that memories of your prom, wearing the ill-fitting suit and holding a dried-up corsage, have caused your PTSD to kick in once again and that you're going to forward your psych's bill to him.

You don't have to tolerate this behavior--after all, you're The Dale, man! The Dale!

Tanya Espanya said...

Why are you acting so coy about the dance? I have a picture of you handing out the name tags!

Tumuli said...

Contrary to what some would have us believe, there is nothing sad about singledom.

At any rate, you and everyone else probably had better, more creative plans than what the concierge had in mind.

Grant Miller said...

You can dance if you want to.

Coaster Punchman said...

Why am I credited above merely as "Coaster?" Is damn new Beta Blogger or whatever they call it these days acting up again??

Dale said...

The concierge is more of a service actually Chancelucky than a specific person although if you requested help, perhaps you could specify who you wanted to deal with.

You are not a loser Coaster. Coaster?

But what he really wants to do is direct, Justacoolcat.

If you're going to keep standing me up Monkey, I guess I'll have to take it sitting down.

So many things set off the PTSD Zed that I've lost track. I just talk to myself now but only charge myself half. That's progress right?

Sadly Tanya, all the name tags are the same: HELLO! My name is ... LOSER.

That's just sad Tumuli, the denial. Okay, you're right, I know. It's okay to sit and listen to the song What Are You Doing New Year's Eve on repeat all night.

You're a genius Grant Miller. Only, you don't want me dancing. Not without a lot of drinks.

It's because you're a loser Coaster Punchman.

Tanya Espanya said...

But you don't feel like dancin'
When the old Joanna plays
Your heart could take a chance
But your two feet can't find a way
You think that you could muster up a little soft, shoop devil sway
But you don't feel like dancin'
No sir, no dancin' today.

Dale said...

Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Even if i find nothin' better to do
Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Why'd you break down when I'm not in the mood?
Don't feel like dancin', dancin'
Rather be home with no one when I can't get down with you

wonderturtle said...

Are we overlooking the possibility that the concierge sent this e-mail only to you under the GUISE of sending it to everyone in the building? Then, when it's just you and the concierge standing over the punch bowl, you'll look into each other's eyes and laugh and laugh and dance the night away. Ah, the oldest trick in the book.

larry h. said...

No concierge where I am living. Still single, but most of the holidays I spend with family. The last time I decided to spend it with strangers was waiting for the millenium in Times Square. Maybe its just me, but I never saw the big deal. So I return to tradition and hang out with the family. That never fails. And by the way, Happy New Years.

Dale said...

I'm so in love with you right now Wonderturtle for your hilarious explanation. Just the guise of a couple of guys.

Of course you're right Larry H. I've no idea why people want to be in the midst of all those other people. There were thousands here at our city hall in the heavy pouring rain to ring in the new year and I don't get it. Parades either, why?

Beth said...

Sneering at The Singles? I'm hurt. I'm off to pout in another corner of Blogspot.

Dale said...

Oh Beth, don't accuse me of a sneer crime! I love the singles, especially the American ones! Just look!

Tanya Espanya said...

Dale, maybe it was Wonderturtle what sent you the email? Some tricky.

And then I had to go and browse her site, and look what she wrote, "...It takes two weirdos to make an awkward situation..."

Maybe she is the lady with the straw hair?

Molecular Turtle said...

Dale,
That was the funniest thing I've read in a long time. I can totally picture that scene. It brought a single tear to my left eye.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I only wish I had a concierge to bring me dancing single boys on the big night. You must live in a fairytale palace.

Dale said...

I love Wonderturtle's site Tanya. She's a post mistress extraordinaire. Gee her straw smells terrific!

Ah, I'm so glad I got the good eye Wonderturtle. The right one's always trickier. Thanks for giving it up.

It's more like a dream I can never wake up from that I live in Barbara. I'll see if I can get you on the email list so you can be invited to gala's.

Yasamin said...

i have never ever ever ever done a singles thing. no singles dance, no singles cruise, no singles club anything. i just always felt like that was tooo cheesy for me to deal with.

but hey... to those who feel the need for it, good for them! lol

Yasamin said...

oh yah and happy new year

PinkFluffySlippers said...

I no longer fall for the bait of singles parties. A few years back I was going to a sort of new-agey church that threw a new year's "party". I thought it would be smart to attend instead of my usual sitting home alone. Turned out we were paired off with the person who happened to be sitting nearest. In my case, that was a 65-ish guy. Then we were forced to write and read aloud a bunch of confessional exercises about our hopes and dreams for the coming year. Nothing like forced intimacy with a (not attractive) stranger to make you feel really, really single. One good side effect though, now I really appreciate the opportunity to sit home alone on new year's eve.

Jill said...

Get over it!!! I have nothing to complaint about today!!
Get writting!!

Shroom-Monkey said...

I will always save my last dance for you.... and last dance and enough alcohol almost always gets lucky.....

Old Lady said...

Did my comment go through?

X. Dell said...

Actually I remain single on purpose so as not to sadden the life of any poor woman I meet.

I know what you mean, though. One thing that's worse than being alone is being forced to realize it over the holiday--as if there isn't enough stress already.

Dale said...

I'm glad you're objective about it Yasamin! haha. Happy New Year to you too.

That sounds like an experience and a learning opportunity PinkFluffySlippers. Next year, plan a recital and invite us all.

Yes Mistress Jill, I will try and be a better blogger very very soon.

I felt pretty good until the enough alcohol part. Cheeky Monkey!

It must have gone right through me Old Lady. Care to repeat yourself?

Glad to help make the holidays shine just that much brighter X. Dell! I'm an ass.

SlayGirl said...

I laughed at this post, from the mocking disco ball to the tag.

Geeti Das said...

Sad? I'll show you sad!

:(

Malnurtured Snay said...

Hah -- it's an Apostrophe Catastrophe! Personally, I enjoy spending New Year's at home with beer and movies and felines. (And Legos, did I mention Legos?)

Jill said...

DAmn!! I'm starting to be good at whiping you!!!

Yasamin said...

yeah but how's this any less cheesy than meeting and screwing people from the internet???? huh? huh? lol

Bluez628 said...

Hell I'da danced with ya!

n.v. said...

I resent this mockery.

Dale said...

Why thank you Slaygirl, I was hoping for the laugh in both places!

Poor Geeti! Keep it all inside, let it explode and then blog about it.

Legos are essential M.Snay! And the beer.

Wiping or whipping Jill? Eventually I'll need wiping I suppose. Thanks for cheering me up.

I love meeting and screwing from the net or anywhere Yas. Hush.

Bluez, thank you for stepping in. You're a super trooper.

Next year, I'm buying you a date n.v.

Jill said...

Whip!!! What is the fun in wiping(like wipe??)?

Dale said...

Whip it good.

Jill said...

Good boy!!

Dale said...

:-)

katie schwartz said...

my god, you're the king of comments, bubbie. but, you run one hell of a blog, daleish.

signed,
one of your biggest (literally. sphere) fans

Dale said...

You're rocking that t-shirt and it doesn't look so spherical so I'll still let you in on the blog ride Katie. I love the comments and if you count them, probably half of them are mine anyway so it just seems like it's busy.

n.v. said...

I don't want a purchased date. I want one bound, gagged, and there with no incentive.

Dale said...

You're on n.v. No incentive it is, the conquest will be that much sweeter for you.