Love + 1

Based on the last few haircuts my usual guy has given me, I have no qualms about cheating on him with someone else; my vanity will always trump the feelings of the blind guy with the scissors.

Barbara’s tales of potential hairdressing disasters was harrowing enough to get me thinking about some of my own heady escapades.

For many years I went to the old tyme barber shop down the street and enjoyed it. It was like a little bit of small town friendliness in the big city. Usually, I avoid that kind of crap but I somehow fell into an easy routine with the proprietor, a little small talk, the usual shorter on the sides, longer on the top and everyone went home happy.

This guy was older and wore huge glasses but I was sure that this was just a failure to progress with style rather than a serious vision issue. My opinion changed the day he put the wrong attachment on the clippers and took a swipe right down the middle of my head starting at the front and working back.

He’d cut me to the quick. He said ‘oh…I guess I’ll have to do it all that way to even it out’. I gulped and said ‘okay’ and went into shock for the next two days. Luckily for me, the escaped mental patient look was ‘in’ for the 3 weeks or so that it took for my hair to really start growing out again.

From there, I went to a new guy who was personable and very capable. After a few very satisfactory cuts and small talk that wasn’t too tedious, he died of stomach cancer.

That led me to my ice fishing, blouse wearing guy who may or may not have degenerative sight issues and then to another new guy who I was not impressed with.

Before booking a flight to try out Bubs’ guy, I made one last attempt to reconcile with the industry. I went to a new place near work, looked the guy square in the mirror and told him if he didn’t do a good job, I wouldn’t tip him, I wouldn’t be back and I’d make sure everyone in a 20 mile radius knew that it was his fault I looked like crap. Somehow, it worked. Let’s hope the fear keeps him consistent.

Now, can anyone tell me why hairdressers always seem to have the shittiest looking hair?


Johnny Yen said...

My barber for years was bald, but a great barber. What does that say? Had a hell of a time finding a replacement when he retired.

Tanya said...

What's a hairdresser?

You want to go to Robert's guy? I think he's in Commerce Court.

Chancelucky said...

You mean you're not an escaped mental patient? Now, all my illusions are ruined.

Mob said...

The wife and I have a lesbian couple who do our hair, I dunno if that makes any difference, but I've never been dissapointed.

Before that it was a different woman, maybe the key is to use a female rather than a guy, in my experience.

When I was young, dad always took us to a blinding barber on the south side of town, complete with the barber pole rotating outside. That gentleman managed to cut my ears with his clippers enough to nearly draw blood on several occasions, I begged for a different choice, the mother and I ended up at a damned Supercuts, the girl made it look decent, and I never looked back.

Old Lady said...

Because a cobbler's children have no shoes, that's why.

Bluez628 said...

I think their hair looks shitty from all the dying and crap they prolly do to it on their down time.

Melinda June said...

First of all, that was a deft pop reference there, dale. If that show's up on your random 10 I will laugh at you, though.

Secondly, I am an advocate of having perfect hair. Just ask someone who has good hair where they go. I know that seems like a woman thing. Maybe it would be more guy-like to just bitch to them about your shitty barber and hope they volunteer the info. But get a decent haircut, my friend.

Dale said...

It sounds like he grew hair there toward the end Johnny Yen. Is it so? They shouldn't be allowed to retire if they can still cut it.

I've seen Robert's hair. I'll stick with the new guy Tanya.

Use you illusion Chancelucky. It may still be so. Once I escape.

Do you have pillowfights and stuff afterward Mob? This sounds like it could work. I am sorry for the loss of your ear, your dignity and the whole Supercuts thing. They only told you it looked good.

Why are you the only one that makes sense Old Lady?

They need to let down something other than their hair at those times Bluez.

Thank you Melinda June, I enjoy being deft. The song we're referring to is not in my roster but I remember it at least as well as you do!

I would like to have perfect hair but never really have or will I'm afraid. Your pal Tom will be able to give you a review of it in about a week.

Creepy said...

I was thinking the same thing as Tanya: "hairdresser?"

I guess being bald ain't all bad.

Tumuli said...

Hairdresser, cosmotologist, beautician -- work 'em all to give you that wonderful new 'do. Or just whip out some scissors and give it a go...

Bubs said...

Dale, glad to hear you've (hopefully) solved your tonsorial dilemna. Just hope the new barber isn't resentful of your threat and biding his time...

By the way, this is a weird coincidence, I had a lengthy and involved dream last night about a haircut. Weird.

Mellowlee said...

Why is it so difficult to find a decent hair dresser or barber? whyyyyyy? I found a terrific one a year before I moved to Vancouver. Wish I could have brought her with me! Bad hair experiences make me cry!

jin said...

A woman is no better...even in an expensive 'salon'.

I recently quit going to my stylist of the last 10 years.

In the past year & a half:
She told me to bring in pics of how I wanted it cut. Ok, easy. I brought in pics & she said, 'Sorry! Forgot my glasses today, I can't see the picture!'
*Uh, WTF?!*

Next time I brought in a picture of Sarah Jessica Parker's short curly 'do. She said, "You can't have your hair like that. You work in a bakery!"
*Uh, WTF?!*

Last time, my hair was CROOKED!
I mean REALLY crooked, I had to fix it myself.

I cut my own hair a month & a half ago & it's never looked better... hmmm... wait... I guess the moral of my story is completely lost on you, isn't it?! Like you could cut your own hair...GEEZ! Don't do it! You'll blame me!!!
Forget I said ANYTHING!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I guess that's the secret right there, Dale - always make sure that your hairdresser is more terrified of you than you are of him/her. Short lease!

PinkFluffySlippers said...

I'll come up there and bring my Flowbee.

Winter said...

Post a picture already! And will be the judge..

Molecular Turtle said...

I have no idea why we tend to feel this strange obligation to hair dressers. I used to have one I went to all the time but the hair cuts just got worse and worse so I changed. I then frequently ran into him in my neighbourhood and felt completely akward. I say good for you more barbers should have the fear. I might even use the tactic

Saviour Onassis said...

I just got scalped, too!

I usually have good luck cutting my own hair, or having a stylist on set (film production has its advantages...) cut me... They do work that looks good THAT DAY... Not like salon bitches who know that when it grows out in two months, it will look fine.

I think it's SO COSMIC that we both get haircuts!

Oh, I know... Me, too!

Dale said...

We don't pay you to think Creepy. Your problem is not that you're bald that way, it's that you're not...never mind.

I'd put out an eye in no time if I tried myself Tumuli.

That's is strange Bubs, about your dream. I hope the new guy won't lash out at me next time.

Is it that they're all nuts or we're too picky? It's hard either way Mel.

Maybe you could open a salon in the back of your shop Jin? On second thought, hair and baking doesn't really mix so well. Ouch, I just cut myself. I'm not blaming you. Anymore.

I hope the balance of power stays right where it is Barbara.

Now I'm scared Pink Fluffy. Could I have some testimonials from your other clients first?

Come here and I'll show you Winter.

It's an interesting phenomenon Molecular Turtle. You weren't tempted to move?

Truly amazing Saviour, I never would have guessed that we shared so much backstory. Haircuts and commenting and stuff.

SlayGirl said...

I HATE bad hair cuts! I have found a person who knows my hair and always makes it look good. One summer I was going on vacation and needed a hair cut but she was on her honeymoon. I went to another place, by this time forgetting about all the crappy hairdressers out there, and my hair got completely butchered. This was right before I was to see people I hadn't seen in 10 years as well. The trauma.

Coaster Punchman said...

Ha ha ha! I have my own story related to this which was making my comment too long - which means I'll have to post. You'll get props, as always.

Dale said...

Wouldn't she have been surprised if you'd tracked her down to the honeymoon locale Slaygirl? Sounds like a bad situation.

I will stop growing my hair until you post Coaster P.