2/02/2007

On Minimum Wage and Pickles

The current minimum wage in Ontario is $8 per hour. According to many, it’s still not enough to live on. Eventually, the talk is, it will be increased to $10 per hour. That’s fine by me although I'm not sure what impact it will have where it’s most important: how many pickles the girl at Subway is willing to give me.

It’s not often that I ‘eat fresh’ but when I do, I want it to be an experience that will carry me right through the afternoon. I ordered the BMT (assorted mystery meats) on Italian Herb & Cheese bread (delectable).

The girl asks what I want on it and so I pick a few toppings just to be sociable. Then we get to the pickles. Now, pickles are something that give me pleasure, nothing funny, I just love them. I remember back to my old A&W days when there would be big buckets of pickles there for dressing the burgers. I could have stood there and scooped them by the handful to eat them but of course, I never did that. I bobbed for them.

‘Lots of pickles please’. She puts 4 on; 4 pickles on a whole damned sandwich. I say, ‘could I please have LOTS of pickles’? She puts 2 more on. ‘I said LOTS’ and she throws a couple more on (moron). It almost looks like enough so I take it and go, sulking just a little.

I’m not sure that giving this girl a $2 per hour raise is in my best interests. If she can’t be bothered to make an effort to listen to me at $8 per hour, will she at $10? Can she live on $8? That I don't know. What I do know is I can’t have a satisfying lunch and afternoon on 8 measly fucking pickles.

I bet Jarrod doesn’t have to put up with this shit.

35 comments:

Chris said...

I KNEW those rumors about the Canadian Pickle Famine had some merit to them! Thanks for confirming my worst fears, Dale.

justacoolcat said...

Sounds like quite a pickle your Gov't has got you in.

chelene said...

One of your labels sounds like a proposition from a horny Russian guy who doesn't have a firm grasp of the English language...

I'll let you guess which one.

lulu said...

It sounds like you and I order the same thing at Subway....and I always have to urge the counter person to pile on the pickles.

Tanya Espanya said...

Dale, are you sure you're not pregnant too? I am loving me some Baby Bicks!

And I bet Chelene is a horny Russian guy, you know she loves her some vodka!

Jill said...

An 6 inch or footlong??
And didn't you know, pickles are expensive!!
No matter how they are paid, some don't have any attitude to work with the public!!

Zed said...

Why don't you just order a PICKLE SANDWICH on Italian herb & cheese bread with BMT on the side? That might work better.

Dale said...

It's all about teaching people Chris. And then holding them. You're welcome.

They're my bread and butter Justa, what can I do?

You know I love you right Chelene? Really really. That's fucking hilarious.

Shall we go together Lulu and give them a bit of what fer?

She's a Russian boozebag Tanya.

How big do you want it to be Jill?

Zed. Another one. Come and show me how to live. Great suggestion.

Old Lady said...

You can have my pickles.

Bluez628 said...

Did You Know?
If a cucumber in a pickling solution ferments too quickly, carbon dioxide can build up in the vegetable. Sometimes, this causes the cucumber’s insides to explode, yielding a hollow pickle known among picklers as a “bloater.”

Perhaps she was looking out for you. One doesn't like to feel too bloated yanno. Hey, you could have exploded!

Creepy said...

"Now, pickles are something that give me pleasure."

And you call ME a pervert?

Barbara Bruederlin said...

hahaha Chelene - you win!

Dale, you should have called upon your basic A&W training and started bobbing for the pickles yourself. I'll bet she would have handed them right over then.

Jill said...

You are suppose to be a big man, so...

Writeprocrastinator said...

It's nice to know that Subway is stingy with the food and toppings, world-wide. Do you think that Jarrod actually eats at that place anymore?

Allison said...

They do the same thing with olives. Why is Subway depriving us these sweet treats?

Too bad pickles aren't like sweet n' low. Carry an extra one around. But that would be odd. Oops.

Geeti Das said...

Maybe this girl is following the law of marginal utility, and figures that at 6 pickles a sandwich you reach the optimum level of pickles per square inch such that the expenditure on raw materials required for the production of the sandwich is at the point where the outlay per sandwich is at the minimum possible level permitting the highest possible profit within their capacity to meet the demand. What she doesn't realise is that, in your case, the demand is elastic. Damn, I hope I remembered high school Economics correctly, otherwise I've just made an ass of myself...

Who's Jarrod?

mellowlee said...

teeheee, bobbing for pickles totally made my saturday.

Tenacious S said...

I think Subway has quotas for each item. No more than two pieces of each kind of meat, four pickles, one squirt of mustard and a sprinkle of lettuce. Dale, you eat my sandwich. I know your frustration. I feel the pickle pain. I don't think raising minimum wage will get you more pickles, I think it will get you less. Subway will now have to pay her more money and that means three pickles from now on.

Creepy said...

Allison: is that a pickle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Dale said...

I'm just going to say thank you Old Lady and keep it clean.

So what you're saying Bluez is I owe her one? One what is the question now.

If you were reading more into my pickle pleasure than I intended Creepy, then you are my deviant hero.

I was too busy using the much touted but very ineffective death stare Barbara. It never would have happened if Chelene had been there.

Just in the right places Jill.

I wonder what Jarrod is up to. I wonder if I care enough to know. He never calls or writes anymore WP.

Clearly, a worldwide plot Allison. The dirty bastards. I've carried many things in my pockets but never sliced pickles. Try it with some vinyl pants and report back please, it just might work.

You're right of course Geeti, I think I remember something like that from high school some 200 years ago or so. Jarrod's the guy who ate only Subway subs and lost 16,933 pounds doing it. And then became their spokeslob.

Pressure's on now for me to save your Sunday too Mellow!

I will therefore assume my secret identity as THE MAN Tenacious S and quash her dreams for my own pickle salvation! Thank you for the inspiration. Mmmmm mustard.

Oh Creepy. I love the way you continually live up to your name. Sigh.

Mob said...

Sorry to hear about your pickle struggles with the Subway help. My biggest problem there is usually trying to get the clerk to not empty the mayonnaise bottle on my sandwich. They seem to use that as a filler a lot of the time.

Johnny Yen said...

Back when I could eat Subways (I have celiac disease, a genetic wheat allergy), the issue was mustard. I'd say "lots of mustard, please" and they'd put one line across. I'd have to repeat "lots of mustard. I like a lot of mustard." two more lines, repeat my line. Sigh.

I still dream about eating sandwiches.

X. Dell said...

I hope the lady at the Subway doesn't read this post. Otherwise, she might decided to take all the pickles off while you're not looking.

justacoolcat said...

Dale they may be your bread and butter, but remember one persons vinegar and water is pickle juice another's is just douche.

X. Dell said...

Justacoolcat, if you add cuccumbers, though, you get something more insteresting...in both cases.

Dale said...

I wonder if the buckets of mayo are cheaper then Mob? I generally choose mustard over mayo.

That sucks Johnny. If it helps (and why would it?), I still think about smoking (cigarettes, not meats). You could have the mustard without the bread but I guess that doesn't cut it.

We're not sharing custody anymore X. Dell.

Justacoolcat, please remember not to tell me how your weekend was.

X. Dell - you briny dog! Hilarious.

justacoolcat said...

Well, if you insist, I won't tell you about Jarod, a couple of handfuls of peoppers and a bucket of mayo, but you do have to tell me why Subway would decide to start putting rocks in their oatmeal wheat bread?

It's less tasteful than hiring Star Jones as Jarod's side kick.

Johnny Yen said...

Yeah, it just doesn't cut the mustard.

Sorry, couldn't resist....

Dale said...

Poppers or peppers Justa? You're a wild man. You've got all the ingredients for a fine installment of E! True Hollywood Stories.

I knew you had it in you Johnny Yen. Did you ever see Martin Short on SCTV imitating a first cousin of Katharine Hepburn at a hotdog stand? The big punchline mooooore mustard in that shaky breaky voice.

Coaster Punchman said...

I'd have to agree with Chelene on that one. I read the label before the story and was quite disturbed by what I was going to find out.

Be glad that Poor George was not there to side with the clerk before allowing her to throw out half your sandwich with impunity. Proletarians of the world, unite!

Winter said...

Wow 10 dollars. Here in the greatest country on earth it's still 5 something..

wonderturtle said...

Stinginess and pickles do not mix. Has this girl never read "A Christmas Carol"??

Dale said...

CP - no reading ahead! And the way I see it is, if the Prole can't fill the roll, I must be droll. Take that poor George!

Here in the land of super sexy living below the poverty line Winter, our $10 equals $8.46 of your greatest country in the world dollars.

Wonderturtle, will you come with me next time and help explain it to her? I'll buy you something.

Andi said...

That fact that you're willing to write such a touching story about pickles just screams that you're a very good man with the utmost taste in sliced hamburger dressings. Pickle lovers unite.

And that silly Subway girl can just stuff it. No more money for her.

Dale said...

Mmm, stuffed subs, or oven baked subs. Magically delicious Andi! Yeah, I'm going to hang around until I can get her fired.