9/27/2007

Sticks and Stones


My relationship with the Korean Bagel Lady has reached dizzying new heights and that’s not just the caffeine talking.

I was there with a friend the other day and adding my usual milk and sugar to the coffee when the Korean bagel lady started nattering at us. When we were finished not understanding each other, I turned to my friend and asked “Did I put sugar in this already?”

The bagel lady didn’t miss a beat - “Dumbass!” she called out and went back to wiping the counter.

At this point people will say we’re in love and there might be something to it. Her coffee sucks.

41 comments:

Margo Moon said...

Well, Dale, I'm not just people, okay? I say you two are in love, sure. But there's nothing to it.

Chris said...

I can just see you two cuddled up under a blanket on a cold winter's night, watching a romantic comedy on DVD.

Actually, I have no idea what she looks like, so the vision is slightly cloudy.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Whew, the Baron Dale von Sacher-Masoch.

Tanya Espanya said...

You should post a picture of your girlfriend so Chris can have nightmares.

And can I also call you dumbass?

Beth said...

Damn. That b*tch is gonna steal you away from me.

BeckEye said...

Oooh, "dumbass." Marriage is just around the corner!

Evil Genius said...

I wish I had someone to call me dumbass. *sigh*

X. Dell said...

Out of all of the "nattering," you only picked up on the word "dumbass?"

Hmmm. Selective perception is not a positive indicator of affection. Perhaps you should look for more signs of abuse before seriously considering her to be attracted to you. The fact that you tolerate bad coffee is already proof that you have an affection for her--unless you have a Starbucks fetish.

pistols at dawn said...

Like Morrissey, you are hated for loving. I suggest writing a song about it.

Andi said...

Did you squeeze her ass shortly after?

Suzel's Sass said...

Damn, next thing you know she'll be slipping you tupperware bowls full of kimchi with your coffee. Dale and Korean Bagel lady sitting in the tree............

Marloes said...

Might you have to move to Korea to provide for her and the rest of her family, I wish you luck, people there are even harder to understand
Nothing wrong with two sugars by the way...

Bluez said...

She really called you a dumbass?

LMAO

Chancelucky said...

Dale,
She does sound perfect for you. Are the two of you registered somewehre. I know Macy's and Target here do online bridal registry.

I'm so excited. First Tanya has her son....Now an actual online nuptial.

T said...

Tell her to start providing those little flavored creamers so you don't have to keep track of your lumps.

-Compliment her about her lumps while you're at it, -for laughs.

Distributorcap said...

keep copious notes -- you have the next "Friends" or "Gilligan's Island" in the making

Dale said...

Clearly there's nothing just about you Margo Moon but you're right.

Does it have to a subtitled rom-com Chris. Your vision is slightly cloudy just like the coffee and for good reason.

A masochist from way back Write Procrastinator, you read me like a book. A very short book, possibly with pictures.

I'm pretty sure you have called me a dumbass Tanya but I like it, see above.

Not without a fight Beth, how are your coffee making skills?

Will you stand by me Beckeye? And then between us?

Evil Genius: Dumbass!
Not the same I know but don't say I never do anything for you.

Most of the nattering wasn't nearly as funny as her calling me names X. Dell. The most likely reason for continued abuse is my laziness at not walking a little farther for better coffee.

In this case Pistols at Dawn, the title would be more along the lines of I Am Loving the Hatred. Poor Morrissey, he should hang out with me more often.

It'd be a long reach over the counter and past the apron Andi but I'll consider it next time.

Now that her husband's busy working at their other business, maybe a little kimchi on the side is what she's after Suzel!

2 sugars, 2 milk for me Marloes. You seem sweet enough already but a little extra doesn't help. Maybe I'll tag along next time when she goes back to Korea. She goes back for a month each year.

She did indeed Bluez. We all laughed pretty hard. And I blushed. Why? I don't know.

I think if I had to, I'd register at a liquor store and cultivate a little bit of a drinking situation.

I wonder how it would go over T if I walked up and said 'hey, lovely lady lumps!'? Speaking of those creamers, have a look at this. Me no trust.

If you have any casting notes, I'll need all the help I can get Distributorcap. And I need a cameraman too since you've been hanging out of those windows lately filming the Sex and the City movie.

gifted typist said...

Espanya makes a wicked Vietnamese iced coffee AND will call you dumbass, if you ask nicely.

Jacy said...

Okay, I need some background. Does she lash out at you with affection, or do you have some kind of long-running feud.

Love this story.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Isn't dumbass the Korean word for hot studly stud?

Around here we get all excited when there is a new Korean bagel lady story. Like when the Eaton's Christmas catalogue used to arrive.

Bella Rossa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bella Rossa said...

I think Korean Bagel Lady and Mama Gin should get together for some tea and bowling, along with my niece's Filipino grandma, who, if people don't put napkins over their food if they get up to use the bathroom or refill a drink during a meal, yells "Cover food! Flies will come!"

Mob said...

I simply adore your sitcom romance, and it's been fun watching it slowly develop over the months.

Maybe if you did hook up with her and she moved her wacky family into your place it'd be enough to roust your lousy neighbors?

Beth said...

I make one helluva great, strong cup of coffee (dark French roast, of course). And I can utter bitchy phrases under my breath, too.

Jacy said...

Was the deleted comment something racist? If so ... whoever you were ... for shame!

Jane Austen Jr. said...

Haha, I just read through your Korean bagel lady stories, and they are absolutely hilarious! Gotta love people like that...

wonderturtle said...

Shit. The "Bagel Lady" that day was actually me in disguise. There. I said it.

Tenacious S said...

I don't know what's worse, having insults hurled at you with your coffee or being served by someone who is over-caffeinated and perkier than hell. Scared the living shit out of me this morning.

Jacy said...

I just went back and read them all too. Hilarious. She's a character.

By the way ... George Strombolombolambadaloupoulus?

Shortest legs I've ever seen on a man. Check them out next time you see him. Daschund legs.

chelene said...

Could a threesome with Bagel Lady and your neighbor be on the horizon?

Bluez said...

You coulda had a honey bagel this weekend had you played your cards right you dumbass!

Dale said...

Those coffees she makes are amazing considering the ingredients Gifted Typist. And we've both called each other much worse, sometimes even to the other's face!

It's a long running sparring match Jacy although I inevitably lose, mainly because I speak English.

My mom still has the last Eaton's catalogue published Barbara. Maybe I should get it and use it as a weapon if things get out of hand with KBL?

The sound of all that cross purpose cackling would make the terrorists give up Bella. I'm going to work on getting them together. I love the Flies Will Come! line.

Will I ultimately be remembered as Jack Tripper or Mr. Furley though Mob? I couldn't handle any more crazy neighbors right now, not without more time to type.

Talk dirty to me Beth. And get me a coffee while you're up please.

Don't tell me you're not racist Jacy? The meeting's off!

Hey Jane Austen Jr. Thanks, glad you're enjoying them. She's definitely a character I couldn't make up.

I guess I'll recognize you now when I bump into you Wonderturtle. You're shorter than I imagined.

Anyone over-caffeinated scares me too Tenacious S. It goes beyond the call of duty.

Yes, George is short like most people on the teevee Jacy. It could be those ridiculous low rise jeans he wears. When Kevin Smith was on the other night, he called him 'Stradivarius' in the opening rather than Strombolombomambolopolous.

It could be Chelene and I'll take pictures as long as my involvement ends there!

Why did I just lose my appetite Bluez? Oh, because of what you said, hahaha. If you could see her through my eyes.

Coaster Punchman said...

I thinking along Bella's line here. I think a combo Mama Gin and KBL video would sell like hotcakes.

jewgirl said...

and she's a raging cunt.cunt.cunt.

Dale said...

You know it would CP, they'd be internet sensations at least and we'd get a three picture deal but on YouTube.

Let a little bacon into your life and forgive Katie. Okay, she's a cunt.

Writeprocrastinator said...

"A masochist from way back Write Procrastinator, you read me like a book. A very short book, possibly with pictures."

See the Korean Bagel Lady pour hot coffee on Dale. Pour, Korean Bagel Lady, pour.

See the Korean Bagel Lady pelt Dale with bagels. Pelt, Korean Bagel Lady, pelt.

Dale said...

That's one of my favouritest comments ever WP, hilarious! Someone should really pimp you and your writing!

Writeprocrastinator said...

"Someone should really pimp you and your writing!"

That would be this person.

She'll charge twenty-five cents a line and any lewd acts with dangling participles cost extra.

Dale said...

Dangling participles are always extra but they're so worth it WP!

Old Lady said...

Welllll, if the shoe fits, ya know what I mean, know what I mean, knudge, knudge, wink, wink.

Dale said...

I'm a dumbass from way back and the evidence is everywhere Old Lady!