Like A Fat Kid On A Smartie

Twice annually, the building management here hosts a free breakfast buffet. One is for tenant appreciation and the other is for Christmas, presumably because Baby Jesus enjoys a nice croissant.

Set up on linen covered tables, it’s an elaborate affair replete with pastries, bagels and muffins, hot and cold beverages and live music! Baby Jesus likes badly rendered Top 40 and slightly jazzed up versions of off key carols.

Most of the people who work in this building earn much more money than they need but they still participate in the Running of the Slobs. Once the FREE FOOD light switches on, it’s stampede time!

Because people are greedy and horrible, they load up with as much food as they can carry, bring it back to their desks and then go head back to the trough for more. And more.

This year, a change in the process was initiated. Tickets were distributed, one per person. You should have heard the clamour --

Well that’s just stingy.

That’s ridiculous, a ticket for free food.

Why should I line up?

I’m not lining up for bagels.

Let me tell you, that line was longer than the one of people waiting to see how Blogger Beta pans out.

Every year when the Tenant Survey is distributed to everyone, I make it clear that I think that the food they keep serving to the fortunate should be donated to a homeless shelter or mission. This goes unheeded.

The only upside to the insanity is that I was able to scalp my ticket to a 270 pound coworker who was still a little peckish after breakfast.

I rule.


Berry said...

Never underestimate the power of a free bagel, that's what I always say.

Anonymous said...

The running of the slobs, everyone is being so witty and funny. My giggle button is working overtime. But I agree with you about the free food thing. I hate when people bitch about free food!!

Love smarties by the way!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Once a week we have a business meeting followed by a scientific presentation. There is generally a lunch provided. I have often seen people, who are only remotely related to our group, come into the lecture hall, load up a plate and leave, without so much as sitting down. The lure of free food indeed.

Anonymous said...

I know someone who would accept free tires and she don't even haf a car!

X. Dell said...

Running of the Slobs? Sounds like a charity event. Either that, or a test of machismo yearly held in Pamplona.

Your depiction makes me wonder if we haven't all become infantile about X-Mas, not worring about what we can do for mankind, but rather concentrating on the goodies we can indulge in.

Of course, you'd think that jazzed up Christmas carols would kill not a few appetites.

BTW, I finally got around to doing that tag you issued everyone last month.

Bubs said...

Don't think of it as scalping, Dale. Think win-win.

chelene said...

I'm beginning to think that "free" is a code for "act like a selfish bastard" to some people. They tried to do a free holiday breakfast in my office building when I worked downtown. People bought their children in and had them load up on free stuff. The next year they only allowed one item per person. The crowds thinned considerably.

Dale said...

I do tend to underestimate although I know better Berry. What's up with that?

There were so many different names I wanted to call them but that one just seemed appropriate Old Lady.

That's pretty horrible Barbara. You must get some sort of stun gun for these stunned ones.

It's you right Tanya?

Pamplona was on my mind there X. Dell. I'm all for consumerism as it relates to things I want but I try not to be too horrible at the same time. I'll be over directly to check on your blog.

I wondered what happened to win-win Bubs. I haven't heard it in a while and it used to be bandied about quite heavily. Thank you for keeping it warm.

Thinned was a good choice of words Chelene. I hate the selfish bastards, they take away from my 'it's all about me' thing.

Writeprocrastinator said...

I hope you charged top dollar for that ticket.

Holly said...

I am getting ready to go to a running of the slobs holiday buffet.... except that it's pot luck and I'm expected to help fill the trough people line up at.

So I cook something good, then get there early for the best pickins. But I don't take a plate back to my desk; instead, I sample the tastiest morsels, then get the hell out, because why would I want to hang out in the conference room and watch my colleagues chow down, especially when there's no booze to be had? Now, free vodka shots at work--that I might hold a ticket up and queue for.

Mob said...

You are quite the entreprenuer my friend.

The running of the slobs, indeed.

I was amused with your trivia, but what did Jesus enjoy on his croissant?

Not trying to be clever, just thought you'd know...

Dale said...

Of course Write Procrastinator, I care but I'm not blinded by it.

I'm changing my line on lining up Holly. I will line up for free shots.

Piety and a little butter Mob, that's what Jesus goes for. He has to get in line behind everyone else though, no jumping.

Anonymous said...

Never underestimate the ability of people to whine. The kids at the school I work at complain about the free lunch they get every day.

Of course, it is pretty awful. But it's free.

Geeti Das said...

Christ! You're a good man, Dale Whatever-your-last-name-is. But one thing has me confused: is this a residential building or an office or some combination of the two? Are your coworkers also your co-tenants? How does that work?

katie schwartz said...

oh my god, that is so fucking funny! I am peeing from you! "running of the slobs" and the petite broad who was "pekish after breakfast"

dale, I love you so hard right now. you're so funny.

welcome to my world. my heeblettes on an after temple latke fest.

Dale said...

Even if it's awful, they should shut up and be glad it's there Johnny Yen.

It's an office tower Geeti. So my company has several floors but there are other companies in the building. The people who own the building host this Free Food Fest for we the people.

You assume it was a petite broad Katie, there are lots of slobs of all varieties around me! Glad you laughed.

Coaster Punchman said...

These sound like my kind of people.

darling24_7 said...

I think thats a neat for the building to offer that.

Your idea of donating that food to the shelter is also good.

I hope people remember to do that on their own.

Happy Holidays :)

Dale said...

Coaster Punchman - Are you greedy, horrible, peckish or just prone to stampeding?

Hello Darling - you're hungry aren't you? Have a cookie. Happy holidays to you too.