7/21/2007

We Got The Beat

In our building concourse, muzak plays continuously for reasons unknown to me. Are the footfalls of the working man so abhorrent that they need covering up with watered down versions of yesterday's hits?

It's loudest in the morning when the building is virtually empty. As I walked through the other day on my way to find a life restoring beverage, the tune playing was one I didn't place immediately. After a reach far back into my brain, I realized it was a very horns heavy rendition of Donna Summer's Bad Girls.

Right on cue, two female security guards came into view striding to the beat. It made me smirk which made them regard me suspiciously. I wanted to explain by singing 'Toot toot, heyyy, beep beep' but I think they probably would have arrested me.

I make no comment on what these two should be charged with:

28 comments:

Beth said...

I'm a bit disappointed that you held back on the tooting and beeping.

BeckEye said...

I remember at once place I worked, they played a version of that Nelly/Kelly Rowland song "Dilemma" with all the rap verses cut out. So it was just kind of a monotonous beat and then the chorus part kicked in with a girl (not even Kelly Rowland, I don't think) the "no matter what I do..all I think about is you" part. It sounded ridiculous. I must've heard it about 100 times. Strangely enough, i never killed anyone.

Chancelucky said...

Yhey still have muzak? When I was a kid, it used to be ubiqutous. I was shocked to learn from my dad that stores had to pay twenty five dollars/month to have Muzak ported through their PA systems. Can you imagine the evil genius who made all that money off the idea....all of these galleys of slave musicians playing in front a microphone, an overseer with a whip "Don't play that, too hip....little bit too interesting,....no soul here....50 lashes for that oboe player in the corner....

T said...

Heavy accumulations of melanin = good dancer

Small accumulations of melanin = stay the hell off the dance floor

kate said...

lmao... ok so you couldnt have known that in high school... when I was a total goodie too shoes, I decided to gather a group of girls (also those with thus far unnoticed virtues...) for the school talent show... We danced to Bad Girls. We, of course thought the irony was histerical! I will tell ya I got a lot of attention after that! Perhaps its that toot toot thing you were mentioning... I have no idea what that means (probably a good thing or I would be red with embarrassment right now!)

Sooooooooo you, Dale int he bee costume... would like me to interview you. hummmm means I need to do a bit of digging around here then. better clean the closets I am gonna get nosey! =]

chelene said...

We don't have any music anywhere in our building. The last time I heard muzak was at the gynocologist's office. It was a version of Don't Let The Sun Go Down on Me. Which seemed appropriate in a strange way.

anandamide said...

the one in the green coat is a dude, right?

Evil Genius said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Evil Genius said...

Dale,

This happens to me two, three times a week. If not more.

Chancelucky,

The creator of Muzak was a simple opportunist and in no way associated with The International Brotherhood of Evil Geniuses, The Evil Genius Association of America, The Society for the Advancement of Evil Geniuses or News Corp.

-EG

Danny Tagalog said...

It sounds like heaven compared to here, where you get Beatles Muzak style blaring out of drinks machines and coffee shops.

Bad Girls is more preferable...

katrocket said...

That video is hilarious... I wish more drag queens would make inane videos featuring songs from 30 years ago. It's far more entertaining than today's pop princesses - and in some cases, more attractive.

Old Lady said...

Ahhhh Beep, beep!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I love how you can hear their shoes clomping around on occasion. They must be just stomping!

Mel said...

Great. Thanks to you I will have "toot toot beep beep" in my head for the rest of the day.

SJ said...

Beep beep? I didn't know Road Runners sang!

Johnny Yen said...

Your post made me think of a scene in "The Full Monty," where the guys were standing in the unemployment line; the piped in music was playing Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff," and the guys all gyrated identically at a certain point in the music.

Coaster Punchman said...

Is that a heated drying machine? Where can I get one?

X. Dell said...

Around here we have cops who dance with no music playing (save the tunes of the different cars). Sometimes it takes everything I have not to laugh at them, for in NY, laughing at a cop usually results in ten years....of hospitalization.

Security guards are often off-duty cops too. One is never safe.

BTW, the last office building I worked in had a live solo jazz pianist. I think I would have preferred the Muzak. After all, I used to like "Green Dolphin Street."

Grant Miller said...

Did you get frisked?

Chancelucky said...

Evil Genius,
Sorry, I didn't realize that "Evil Genius" was a registered trademark.
I guess the inventor of Muzak was just a Demented F*&*! instead. Hope that one's not subject to copyright/trademark etc.

pistols at dawn said...

I would argue that ruined versions of Donna Summer songs are far more preferable than songs you really like. I was shopping in a grocery store when a Muzak version of the Replacements' "Skyway" came on. I begged Muzak to leave a few of my childhood heroes intact, but it just kept going...

Dale said...

Welcome to my world Beth, imagine the light I could have let into their dreary lives!

I'm pretty sure I've heard that one at work too Beckeye. I applaud you maintaining your usual composure.

I had the word ubiquitous in my post Chancelucky and then I wondered to myself if it was so ubiquitous anymore and took it out. Someone pays for it just so they can watch the peons like me go crazy.

Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes. Hi T.

What if I did know that Kate? Okay, I didn't mean to scare you. That's pretty funny. Yes, interview me if you will, it'll help keep my brain juice in place.

Too bad it wasn't a father/son practice Chelene!

Dude doesn't even look like a lady does he Anandamide?

The lip synching you mean EG?

I try and block it all out Danny but it works its way back in when I least expect it, it all creates a horrible din.

It was more entertaining than the Donna Summer version of the song from whatever Divas show she was on Katrocket. That was horns heavy too.

That could stand in for Ahhhh, Freak Out! Old Lady.

Could be where those Aussie fellers got the idea for that show Barbara.

Mel, you're welcome.

They do a lot of things SJ, mostly when you're not looking or listening though.

I remember that scene Johnny Yen, it was pretty hilarious.

Sorry CP, they're not available in your area.

Sage advice X. Dell, they'll make your life miserable and put you in the hospital (the cops and the solo jazzercizers).

I can't answer that without my lawyer present Grant.

Evil Genius is very sensitive Chancelucky, years of locking himself away with nothing but the work of a Demented F*&*! to keep him company.

Muzak is a cold mistress Pistols, you should have clapped your hands over your ears and ran.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Muzak? Seriously? Even when I go to Walgreen's Drugs, they have the Eagles going. Malls pump Kenny G-type jazz, if they pump any music at all.

Yet, you guys still have Muzak? It must have been Mulroney's parting shot.

T said...

I may come off as racist sometimes, but someone has to speak-out about dancers.

X. Dell said...

(1) Geez. My laundromat's really boring by comparison.

Tumuli said...

Talking about sad, sad girls...

Megan said...

I always feel sorry for bands I hear on the grocery soundtrack. It's not really muzak, but still. . .do you think Jimmy Eat World ever intended to be background noise at the A&P?

Dale said...

And now we have Mulroney's son hosting Canadian Idol to keep up the tradition of bad music Wp!

I'm glad it was you T.

(1) You have to bring the ghetto blaster in sometime X. Dell.

Perfectly spoken or sung Tumuli.

Who needs music while grocery shopping anyway Megan? It's all a plot to distract us.