Everybody's Got A Special Kind Of Story

I leafed through an issue of Hello Canada! magazine recently to see what all the Canadian celebrities were up to but had a hard time finding any.

There were plenty of features on people like Her Thighness, The Duchess of Pork promising to eat all the land mines or something like that and of course it's always a kick to see David Beckham who never gets magazine time but where oh where could my beloved Canadians be?

Then at last, I found one. Hello Alan Thicke!

Alan and his lovely child bride were featured in a glossy spread giving me all the evidence I need that Canadians can be just as creepy as creepy people from other lands.

When asked about his son Robin's music and lyrics, Alan had this to say:

He's always loved the ladies and that always fuels anybody's ability to write about romance. I love his romantic side - I think it's a little strange that my wife and I put on his CD to listen to late at night. It works for us, too!" [Laughs]

I laughed too, right through the puke.

Was it wrong for me to expect more from the man who co-wrote the theme song for Diff'rent Strokes?

Oh Canada!


Writeprocrastinator said...

He's been corrupted by America, Dale, plain and simple. Give us five years to make a difference in your life and you will either:

A) Have Alanis write hate songs about you.
B) Have your future wife indicted for gambling.
C) Have you and your fourth wife making the sign of the two-backed beast (and I don't mean a camel) to whatever tracks your offspring have laid down.
D) And so many, many, more things that can't be printed in a blog without involving Interpol.

C'mon Dale, come to the darkside, come stay in America.

Chancelucky said...

Talk about a show that produced its share of weird post-celebrity lives.

1) Kirk Cameron maker of movies for Fundamentalist Christians
2) Tracey Gold
3) Allan Thicke who left Gloria Loring for the babysitter then started his own talk show.

I remember seeing the last episode of Thicke of the Night. He had on Ralph Nader to show how serious he could be.

Surely there are other notable Canadians to write about in Canadian gossip magazines.
1) Pamela Anderson
2) Shannon Tweed
3) Jesse Palmer
4) Terry Puhl
5) Paul Anka
6) Jim Carrey
7) Corey Haim

Jacy said...

That is quite gross! Ewwwwww!

Chris said...

Thanks for implanting the Diff'rent Strokes theme in my head for the rest of the day. And for implanting the thought that Alan Thicke is doing it to his son's voice.

Looks like I'm gonna need another shower.

Coaster Punchman said...

I thought I had already learned more than I needed to know about Alan Thicke from the "Growing Pains" edition of "True Hollywood Stories." Thanks a heap.

katrocket said...

Face it, Canadians are just too well-behaved to make the tarnished pages of Hello! It's hard to get face time unless you're dropping your baby (or your panties) while drunk driving.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I feel so unclean! Must scrub harder!!!

Andi said...

Ugg, Alan Thicke is creepy. *vomit in mouth*

BeckEye said...

It takes a strong, strong man to laugh through his puke. I salute you.

Flannery Alden said...

Oh, Canada, indeed!

anandamide said...

This "using your kid's music to create the mood" thing is a Freudian nightmare, but to put it all in perspective, the American version is Jessica Simpson's dad going on and on about his daughter's breasts. THAT'S creepy.

pistols at dawn said...

Wow. Just...wow. Babymaking music by an actual baby you made is not babymaking music, however meta it may be.

wonderturtle said...

Yes, that is bile I'm tasting. I think he is overcompensating, see Exhibit B, his use of the phrase "loves the ladies." Repellent.

Beth said...

Alan Thicke is the best they gave? What about Suzanne Somers?

Tenacious S said...

You know, he's doing his time. He's pimping vacation time shares. Now that's success!

chelene said...

I have only one word: eww.

T said...

Whoa people! Don't men get romantic inspiration from the groin-area? Alan's just getting 'inspired' from the fruit of his own loins.

-Just be happy he doesn't have a daughter in the music industry... (or does he?)

Jill said...

He is weird, but who the hell is he??

Grant Miller said...

Alan Thicke is pretty creepy.

Dale said...

Write Pro - I've been hoping Alanis would go down on me in a song. If I have to move to get what I want, the price might not be so high. I love multi-part comments especially if they're all about hate and vice and sex and danger. Are you American?

Another multi-comment. And from another American! Hi Chancelucky. I hated to invoke so many ghosts by posting this but now I've got ideas on so many other 'celebrities' I can write about. Poor tiny Paul Anka was on Canadian Idol tonight and it was in a word, sad.

Quite, Jacy, quite!

I'm guessing you need the shower because you felt dirty Chris and not because you got dirty with the idea! And hey, at least I didn't mention the theme from Facts of Life: You take the good, you take the bad...

He could be the new Hasselhoff if he keeps it up CP, they might need to redo the THS.

You may be right Katrocket. Nah.

I've tried Barbara, even Brillo is ineffective. We need a new scandal.

Are you sure you're not protesting a little too much Andi?

I do it for the blog Beckeye.

We're something else Flannery.

That is awesome in the worst way Anandamide.

Only in Canada Pistols. I mean America, he lives there now, he's yours!

Repellent is the nicest possible thing you could have said Wonderturtle.

Suzanne's busy hawking stuff on QVC no doubt Beth. And she's American.

And he's got that Thicke head of hair Tenacious S.

Succinct Chelene. I like that almost as much as longer comments.

I don't think he does T. but as Anandamide mentioned, Jessica Simpson's dad is creepy enough for a whole brood of Thickes.

Jill, he is your father.

I didn't mind him so much before this Grant but I won't be returning his calls next time.

Jill said...

TRy again, Dale!! I look too much like my dad to not be his daughter!! SO that dude isn't my father!!

Dale said...

Is your dad Darth Vader Jill?

Writeprocrastinator said...

"Are you American?"

Quoth the Bowie, "I'm afraid of Americans." Creeps like Thicke just skeeve me out.

X. Dell said...

I dunno. If I'm having sex with the old lady, the last thing I want to hear is my son's voice. I couldn't think of more effective birth control.

Canada has interesting celebrities, other than Alan Thicke. There's Captain Kirk and Scotty, Alex Keaton, and of course Dorothy Hoogstraton is a legend in some circles.

But I have to root for Dan Ackroyd, a fellow conspiracy theorist.

Dale said...

I love that Bowie song WP, I'm forgiving you for the Brenda Blethyn/Peg Bundy comment from a future post.

Don't forget The Littlest Hobo X. Dell!

xdelll said...

How could I forget The Littlest Hobo? I've never heard of it.

If that's a Canadian dog, he must have triggered massive suspicion. After all, his name is London, and he's a German shepherd. Wouldn't the Mounties want to know his true nationality? And the fact that he just wonders freely, doesn't anyone worry whether or not he'll infiltrate some ultra-secure area?

Dale said...

The Mounties could never keep up with London X. Dell. We didn't have a lot of channels growing up so he was a mainstay.