Dear Fred,

When you lent me your copy of Superman Returns, you mentioned that you found it a bit boring. You were right. I know you were right because all around me sit stacks of folded laundry and that just doesn't happen for nuthin'.

This might be a loaded question but when did Kevin Spacey start sucking so hard? I'd rather have had Margot Kidder shave her head, put a few teeth in and play Lex Luthor. At least then, when that wheezy kid said 'you're bald' to him, she might have tossed off an 'oh yeah? well you're short!' remark and redeemed the moment.

If everyone we know gives Parker Posey a dollar, do you think she'll stop saying yes to shit like this? I'm willing to send her at least one, maybe even two.

Am I being too hard on it? After all, there was a decent use of surround sound and Brando hasn't seemed so alive in years.

The next time you tell me something's boring, please speak up louder.

As penance, please listen to Five For Fighting's Superman.mp3 on a loop for the next 2 1/2 hours and we're square, okay?



chelene said...

Dale, I can pinpoint for you the exact moment that Kevin started sucking: Pay it Forward. Helen Hunt (Queen of Suck), that creepy kid from The Sixth Sense, along with a horrible, maudlin screenplay...Kevin has never recovered. And he never will.

I miss the good Kevin. But alas, he is no more.

Chancelucky said...

Haven't seen it, but I knew it must have been bad when my teenaged daughter rented it and didn't watch it all the way through.
I think there was a year where he did Life of DAvid Gale and BEyond the Sea. MIght have been a case of too much creative control. I think back to Usual Suspects where he was very good, but came in very measured doses.

Flannery Alden said...

American Beauty. After the success of that movie, he lost all perspective.

Allison said...

Kevin Spacey has been dead to me for awhile, I find him rather boring. I can't say anything about this film, but I think the piles of folded laundry speak volumes enough.

Eva said...

Seems like I stopped watching Kevin Spacey at exactly the right time. The last film I saw him in was American Beauty and he was still credible in that. The secret is in knowing when to fold em.

Jill said...

I still did not watch it...
Thanks, it's been a while since I didn't listen to that song!!(but I'm certainly not listening to it for 2 and 1/2 hours!!)

justacoolcat said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again "Damn You Kevin Spacey! You steal all my parts."

Sidenote: He took the chrome off my old 68 Cadillac.

As for the shittiest/best Superman yet. I didn't think it was that bad. It was an amusing theater film and the acting was "there" unlike another popular superhero film.


"" <---gratuitous air quotes.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

WTF! For some reason, that was me logged in as Eva. And the kid accused ME of stealing HER life!

X. Dell said...

I'd almost be willing to donate five dollars to make sure that dull, formulaic movies never get greenlighted.

What the hell else can be done with Superman? Kill him? (Oops, that's been done.) Marry him off to Lois Lane? (Oops, that's been done.)

Don't screenwriters read Captain America? Let 'em die in peace.

Coaster Punchman said...

I could have told you that movie sucked without even seeing it. But tread gingerly when talking about my girlfriend Parker, lest I fire you, re-hire you, pull your hair and fire you again.

Dale said...

Alright, so everyone's smarter than me, I get it! I will say that I love superhero movies generally, I was just bored. I didn't really care for the Chris Reeve films either though.

You're probably right Chelene, why did he get into those films?

I started to watch Beyond The Sea but it was making me never want to hear Bobby Darin again Chancelucky. He was great in Usual Suspects.

If he'd only asked you Flannery! He was great in that too.

Volumes of fluffy cotton towels, is that its own reward Allison?

Eva. Gabor or Everything? Haha, I love how musical your laundry is.

You can have a listen or two Jill, I won't make you do the 2.5 hours.

You're right perhaps Coolcat, too much acting and not enough WOW! My spider sense is tingling, be nice!

I thought it was someone hanging me out to dry Barbara.

X. Dell, I'm with you. Let's pool our $6 - 7 dollars and make a difference!

She's my girlfriend, back off Coaster Punchman. If you want her back, you'd better start advising her on role choices!

Jill said...

Are you getting soft??? I thought you would have done everything to torture us!!!

SlayGirl said...

Yeah, I wondered about the casting of Spacey in that role as well. He just didn't seem to fit the character of Lex Luthor.

Molecular Turtle said...

Dale, you should also avoid 300 it's a suck vest as well. Love the five for fighting haha.

Scarlet said...

Where do I send the dollar for Parker Posey. She better do something to redeem herself. Kev is no loss, but Parker....oooh yeah.

**looks around as people stare*** Maybe I got a bit animated talking about Parker?

***slowly walks towards door**


sKincarver said...

No, Dale...you're not being too hard on it. You should've duct taped, sodomized it and then punched it in the face for crying after.

Go see 300 and wash the taste out of your brain.

Shroom-Monkey said...

I like Parker Posey, she makes me think of falafel and I love falafel... yum!

Johnny Yen said...

Thanks for the warning on the movie, but I'd fight all of you and Ryan Adams (her current boyfriend) for Parker Posey, if I were single.

Old Lady said...

Parker will be ok, so will Spacey, you know how fickle Hollywood is.

Comic book movies are becoming trite.

gizmorox said...

Superman was pretty and all but did kind of suck overall. I'll never forgive Bryan Singer for abandoning the X-Men franchise for it. Instead of one kickass X-Men 3, we got two shitty superhero movies. Thanks, man. And I'm probably the only person that never liked Parker Posey. Except maybe in Dazed & Confused.

Dale said...

I only wanted to torture the person who set me up this time Jill. You're for next time.

I could have done at least as good a job Slaygirl and I wouldn't have tucked my pants into my boots in that dorky way. Why does Hollywood never listen to me?

Hey Mr. T, I wondered about 300, it's gotten some iffy reviews. I'll see it eventually no doubt though.

Email me and I'll give you the address Scarlet. Totally on the up and up. It's a dollar a day now, you know that right?

Ah, 300 gets another mention. I'm curious about it Skincarver but hear it's not as good as Sin City was. I actually walked out of Sin City, maybe a wrong time/wrong place thing but then loved it later on second look.

She makes me think of interesting characters and occasional brilliance but not in this one Shroom Monkey. Falafel? Yes please.

Could turn out to be quite a cage match then Johnny Yen, good idea on the disclaimer.

I'm sure they'll be fine Old Lady, I just hate to see talent wasted. We need some new heroes I guess.

You're forgiven for not carrying around a pocket full of Posey like some of us Gizmorox but I agree with the Singer Suckage. I didn't mind X3 as much as some but there's always room for improvement. How can something that costs millions and millions not end up fantastic?

Jen said...

>Margot Kidder shave her head, put a few teeth in and play Lex Luthor<

that would have been

n.v. said...

A dollar ain't real unless it jingles. Am I right, Dale?

Dale said...

Another petition may be in order then Jen? If we start now, maybe we can get her in the next flick?

Some people are afraid of change N.V. but when it comes in dollar form, I'm okay with that.