5/23/2007

Bittersweet Symphony

Recently, I inadvertently began infecting Tenacious S with bad songs in some of my post titles and comments. To prove my love, I offered up 'This Is Not A Love Song' by Public Image Limited recently. But now, I find myself reminded of something that is sure to bring her to tears once again.

Years ago, I worked with a lovely girl and the two of us got on like a house on fire, only without all that pesky smoke. We laughed a lot, covered each other's work and were generally as devoted as two platonic employees could be without rankling the feathers of her perfect fiance.

Any time one of us did something that benefitted the other, it was our habit to quote the excruciating Bryan Adams song by saying 'everything I do, I do it for you'.

Time went by, as it does, and the day arrived when my lovely friend and her perfect fiance were to be married. To my horror, the invitation announced that not only was it to be an outdoor wedding but it was about an hour's drive outside of town and at an old Scout's camp in the woods to boot. The potential for a haunted wedding seemed high.

My worries were for naught as the day presented itself as perfect. The sun stayed throughout, the site was charming and the little birds and woodland animals carrying my friend's train down the aisle chirped a lovely tune.

The service was a fine one and lasted just the right amount of time. The happy couple had just begun their reverse procession when out of the woods blared the unmistakable strains of that ghastly song '...you know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you...' They had wired the surrounding forest for sound and to me, it just seemed wrong.

As they walked by my seat, he dashing and proud and she wearing that new bride smell, I mouthed to her 'I thought that was OUR song' and she just kept on walking.

The horror.

28 comments:

Valerie said...

Would you say she was an Office Spouse?

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/the-office-spouse-rules-of-engagement?src=RSS_PUBLIC

Beth said...

How dare she cheat on your song! And how dare she use a Bryan Adams song ... even if he is from Canada.

Allison said...

That is a great label!

Tanya Espanya said...

I hope you broke up with her after that.

Chancelucky said...

Dale,
hilarious story. It's bad enough to ruin the trust with a co-worker by marrying your fiance, but to go so far as to include the song you make fun of together in the wedding program......Good lord, what's this world coming to.
Did you find out what theme music they played on the honeymoon? Perhaps they were using the groom chose it to have angry sex with his new bride.

Mmmm....this could be like Notes on a Scandal....Do you have a cat by any chance?

X. Dell said...

Nowadays, you can buy new bride smell in a can. That's a good thing if you're on your second marriage.

Congratulations to your platonic co-worker/friend. Hopefully, you can celebrate the golden anniversary together too.

mellowlee said...

Never mind that she cheated on your song, Brian Adams just does not suit a forest setting now does he? I wonder what music would..Enya maybe? :O) This post was so awesome Dale

Bubs said...

I can't believe how that bitch betrayed you. And on her wedding day...

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Was this right about when the Korean bagel lady started hitting on you? Are you SURE your coworker actually quit her job? Those bagel knives are pretty sharp, you know.

lulu said...

my BFF and I share "I will always love you" by Whitney Houston as our very special song. I would be crushed if I found out that she shared it with her husband as well.

BeckEye said...

Wait a minute here, Dale. I think you missed your chance. It was a cry for help. She was obviously trying to recreate a scene from "Robin Hood," where Kevin Costner broke up Maid Marian's wedding to that stuffy Sherriff of Nottingham. You could've been the Kevin Costner to her Mary Something Mastriontonionionio. You're such a schmuck.

The Freelance Cynic said...

I'd only get really scared if Kevin Costner came out of the trees and started firing arrows at everyone.

Mob said...

That's hilarious.

I also love that you and I both envision the same Camp Crystal Lake wedding when told about an old campground being the site of the nuptials.

Chh chh chh

The wife and I don't have a song per se, the closest we came was having the band at the engagement party play I Walk The Line when asked for a request.

Johnny Yen said...

You're an evil, evil man-- it's one of my favorite qualities about you!

hapabukbuk said...

that tramp.

Old Lady said...

How ignimonious! They should have used Don Juan Demarco's song.

Grant Miller said...

That's some fucked up shit.

Tenacious S said...

Dale, you rotten bastard! I love you! It only would have been made better if they had a whole Robin Hood theme going on. Oh wait, they were in the woods, they played the song...shit, they stole my idea.

Doc said...

Some bitches have no respect.

Doc

Coaster Punchman said...

Pizza face.

And Lu, PLEASE tell me you are kidding. If you ever play that song in my presence, I will hand you over to the Taliban.

larry h. said...

And the sad part about this "mess" was that she got Bryan Adams into this. It is so blasphemous that it should be punishable by firing squad. Sorry, but there it is.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Ah, it's just as well. You'd be known as a variation of that famous ad slogan, "Dale, the other man."

Besides, you missed Mike Nichol's cuing you on the other side of the aisle. You were supposed to go all Hoffman from "The Graduate" on her and whisk her away to the bus.

Dale said...

Interesting Valerie, I think I'm a Gabor now, I must be on at least my 6th or 7th office spouse.

I know Beth, indignity all 'round.

Allison, my aim is true.

I most certainly did Tanya, right after she broke up with me.

Can you imagine going with the fiance over the office spouse Chancelucky? It makes no sense. I don't have a cat but I can get one if the plot calls for it. I'm hoping that their honeymoon music was at least as good as Bette Midler's Schmutz Beneath My Wings American Idol performance.

You can also buy cheese in a can X. Dell but that don't make it right!

Glad you enjoyed it Mel but I think you're forgetting the Robin Hood film where the song was used. Enya's suitable for marriage or divorce.

Nobody mentions the victim Bubs. Except me. Over and over. I appreciate the support.

Oh Barbara, you might be on to something. Lately, the Korean bagel lady has been sending her daughter in to 'man' the shop while she attends to purported other business. I'm going to have to do a head count.

Lulu, I'm surprised the song itself hasn't crushed everyone involved. My favourite version or portion of that song is used in the film Hedwig & The Angry Inch.

I'm an absolute schmuch Beckeye. I am always a day late and a dollar short. In other news, I'm having Mastriontonionionio and cheese for dinner.

Kevin Costner scares me in every context Freelance Cynic so I'm gld he didn't make an appearance.

Love the heightened sense of comment with sound effects Mob! Great song for an engagement! When you review your vows, will it be under an honour guard of people holding Wii Remotes?

I'd like to thank you for this award Johnny. I am evil if necessary. Like a necessary evil.

Trash, tramp, it ruined my whole life Hapabukbuk.

I would rather have had Kenny G wearing a rooster costume playing the clarinet than anything else Old Lady, then we could have thrown rocks at him.

True dat Grant Miller.

Dale said...

All good ideas come from you Tenacious S. only on a slight delay like Newfoundland here in Canada which is in a time zone that sets them a half hour behind everyone else. Honest.

How can you mend a broken heart or a lack of respect though Doc?

Coaster Punchman, I will never eat pizza again but I will support you in handing Lulu over to the Taliban.

I'm worried about you Larry H. You make it sound like Bryan's reputation was sullied by the wedding and not drecky songs.

Jill said...

Had your heart broken?

Dale said...

You're not human if you haven't had your heart broken Jill.

Jill said...

Who said I was human??

Dale said...

Certainly not me.