Katie Schwartz posted a hilarious essay on what she'd do if Jesus showed up at her door. She's linked to the chosen people who've also welcomed him in. I never want anything to come between me and my favourite Jew that we can't eat our way through so I offer an attempt to address the question myself.
Jesus is the one with the x-ray vision right? Just before he rang my doorbell (I prefer when people knock), he'd be bound to see me scurrying for a few quick sprays of my Believe in God Instantly Faith Enhancing Breath Spray. Mmminty!
There's nobody at the door. I guess the spray doesn't work.
If he had shown up, I'm pretty sure he'd look like Phil Hartman in a bedsheet and I'd try and be cute and call him HeyZeus! and he'd just hover there unimpressed. I'd invite him in praying he didn't pick my favourite chair to sit in but you know he would.
I'd be terrible with the small talk and ask So, what do you think of Christopher Hitchens' new book God is not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything? He'd look down, pick a piece of fluff off of his robe and drop it right on my freshly vacuumed area rug.
I'd say, oh hang on, I'll put on some music. I Been Redeemed.mp3 by Meryn Cadell* would start playing and midway through, he'd stand up and poof! disappear. I'd laugh and call out Come back anytime Jesus! You're a helluva guy!
*Meryn's cd Angel Food for Thought has been re-released and it's about time. On the track above, she accompanies herself as she did when she would perform it live, with a tape recorder playing back her own voice. I love you Meryn!
I'm already smarter
1 day ago