The Heartbreak of Psoriasis

I live my life by a series of rules and these help me make sense of my unordered universe. They are also made in an easy to break format in case any particular rule turns out to be ridiculous.

My latest rule has to do with the treadmill. I'm not a big fan of most forms of exercise and so I decided that in order to walk away a little winter flab, I needed a new rule to help me.

Watching television while I'm walking seems unnatural. If I could fit a couch on the treadmill, I might reconsider. I've tried reading while walking but without those large type books for people with uncooperative eyes, it's too hard to maintain focus. I'd also rather sweat over a book than onto one.

That leaves me with music. Finding the right treadmill music is a daunting task. Melinda June has a treadmill mix that she mentioned but I always have trouble getting my mix to match my stamina and I wind up wanting to crumple and fly off the back.

My new rule is that I get on the old mule and hit random on the iPod. I stay on for 12 full songs no matter the length. I figure that with a few songs clocking in under a minute, I'm golden, that is unless a few of the songs over 13 minutes decide to visit.

The tally so far for 4 attempts at unbecoming a sloth are 2 x 51 minute sessions, 1 x 50 minute sessions and 1 x 41 minutes. The combination of listening, guessing and praying makes me sweat more than the walking does but so far, the rule stands.

Johnny Cash comes up a lot and I like that. Songs I've never gotten around to listening to come up and that's a good thing too. Even some of the quieter songs have shown me moments of motivation.

Should there come a day when this rule becomes unwieldy, I'll trash it and wait for a new one to show me its grace and keep walking on.

I don't have psoriasis but if I did, I'd blog about it.


gifted typist said...

The thought that went behind that strategy is elegant, almost quantum in its complexity; Einstein would have been proud.

Personally, I've always thought of exercise machines as modern-day iron maidens.

Chancelucky said...

I hope you don't have Beethoven's 9th symphony as a single track on your Ipod.

A couple weeks ago, I was on a hotel treadmill and they had tv's attached to each treadmill. Something was a littled different about mine and I was getting one of the pay per view movies on the hotels cable system, Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore Words and Music.

I wound up working out way longer than usual just so I could get to the end of the movie.

lulu said...

My gym has individual televisions on the machines that you plug into with your headphones. I try to plan my visit so that I can hop on a machine while CSI or Law and Order is starting, that way I *need* to stay on the machine for a full hour. If I don't have those last 10-15 minutes of suspence waiting for me, I will just poop out after about 40 minutes.

Tanya Espanya said...

Why don't you watch Amazing Race while you race on the treadmill?!

chelene said...

You know what I always loved on the treadmill Dale? Trance and house music. I could zone out and not even notice the burning pain in my hamstrings.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

That's a good approach.

I make lots of workout mixes, because I need to stage them so I have good fast sweaty songs for the cardio, followed by mid-paced ones for weights and then slow ones for stretching. But if I could just randomise my music, I wouldn't need to make a new cd every few weeks or so. Think of all the time I would save!

Tenacious S said...

Dale, with all the music I could listen to, I almost always listen to The Mehtadones-Not Economically Viable. Their general BPM's are roughly in time to my workout gait. Gets the job done for me every time.

mellowlee said...

I love that 12 song rule. I haven't worked out in ages, but when I did, it always helped to make up games like that to pass the time. One game was I would increase the intensity by one every minute, until I reached the point that I was maxed out, then i would decrease by one every minute until I reached the bottom again. I would do this for anywhere from 20 to 40 minutes. Your rule sounds way more entertaining!!!! whew, Im le tired now!

John Mutford said...

No Ok-Go routine?

I don't think I could do the treadmill thing. TV requires couch sitting and chips.

Glad to hear the psoriasis thing was a hoax.

Valerie said...

Psoriasis Psucks.

Especially when the hand that you have to hold (for a play) is covered in it.

BeckEye said...

Here's some treadmill music:

"Walking After Midnight," Patsy Cline
"Walk This Way," Aerosmith
"Walk on the Wild Side," Lou Reed
"Walk Away," Squeeze
"Walk On," John Hiatt
"Take a Walk," Split Enz
"I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)," The Proclaimers

You get the drift. I'm very literal.

BeckEye said...

By the way, if you're going to complain about the interview I was given, why don't YOU interview me, Mr. Big Stuff?

Splotchy said...

Only AC/DC on the treadmill.

Brian Young's voice will motivate you.

Go now! Run! Run! Run!

Beth said...

I used to get books on tape for the treadmill. Mysteries work especially well, since each chapter ends with a hook to keep you listening.

Flannery Alden said...

You could add some shorter songs such as, Minimum Wage, by They Might Be Giants. That song even has a whip-crack for motivation.

"jew" "girl" said...

that's clever. I hate exercise, too. I just hate it. it's vile. I know some people love it, but I've never been one of them.

I'm going to give your method a shot. it's so doable.

thanks, babe.

glad you don't have psoriasis. my bestie has it and, oy, it sucks. still, I'm thrilled it would be a bloggable.

Johnny Yen said...

You better not put "In-a-Gadda-Da-Vidda" or "Supper's Ready" on your ipod-- you'd get more exercise than you ever bargained for.

I use my little shuffle when I'm at the gym and use the handy little timer they have (45 minutes). It allows me to ignore the televisions there.

I like your idea of an exercise machine with a couch.

Melinda June said...

This is a good policy, dale. I think the suspense would kill me, though. I much prefer knowing I am two songs away from collapsing to just collapsing at random.

Dale said...

They are a little torturous Gifted Typist but Einstein? I have a feeling he'd shake his fluffy white hair at me.

Again with the torture? Chancelucky, I'm not so sure Huge Grunt and Droop B. would have kept me going too long.

That's dedication Lulu. I shouldn't say this out loud but I've only ever seen one episode of CSI, the one with the ginger man and have never seen Law & Order.

Brilliant suggestion Tanya. I bet I could run as fast as that midget anyway. If she wins the million though, I guess she'll feel 4.5 feet tall!

Makes sense Chelene, I like your programming skills.

Time you could be spending blogging Barbara! You'd better get on that.

I must look that up Tenacious S and have a listen. Do they have at least 12 songs?

Mel, I do that too, change it up and push myself a little now and then but now I let the music help me out.

I was scratching my head about whether to mention OK Go John so thanks for taking care of that. Chips? Yes please!

Ewww, that does psuck Valerie. I'm sorry I didn't wear a glove that time.

Literally enjoyable Beckeye. And I wasn't really making fun of your interview was I? Oh, yes, I was. Maybe I'll try and come up with some non walking related questions for YOU.

Do I have to wear Angus' uniform Splotchy?

Not a bad idea Beth. I did try that once but my huffing and puffing was a bit distracting especially after the author cut in and chided me for interrupting his flow.

Whip cracking might do it or an extended play of Devo's you know.

Give it a try Katie. You've now give me my new favourite word, bloggable. I've written some new lyrics for an old song:

Everything is bloggable
In its own way
From the summer sunshine
To a friend's psoriasis oy vey!

The timer's a good idea too Johnny but right now, the couch sounds a lot friendlier and less judgmental.

It may be the suspense that's keeping me going MJ but I'm trying not to overthink it. There's only so much policy work I can get to in a day.

Mistress La Spliffe said...

Johnny Cash has an album of children's music out, called "The Johnny Cash Children's Album," which is perfect.

I walk around places rather than with treadmills but now that my MPFree self thinks about it, that album would be class-A walking music.

gizmorox said...

That's a really neat idea. I tend to stay away from treadmills in general, but when I do walk, I'm with Chelene on the dance/trance/techno beat.

Jill said...

Don't you have a great park near your place?? It would be much more pleasant with the good weather to come!!

Bubs said...

If you played the Velvet Underground's "Sister Ray" 12 times in a row and stayed on the treadmill that long you'd be the fittest person I know.

Dale said...

As long as it's better than Anne Murray's children's album Mistress, I'm in. Un elephant sur mon balcon is not my idea of a good time.

I may have to inspectigate further Gizmorox, as long as I don't have to wear a white suit.

Good weather does mean more outside walking Jill, you're right. Lots of good parks to hit.

I will never be the fittest person you know Bubs. Just running from my past should be plenty to keep me fit but the chips and pop trail me everywhere.

X. Dell said...

You aparently aren't suffering heartbreak either. Otherwise, we'd hear about that too.

Sounds to me that you've already made sense of the dream you mentioned in the previous post.

Dale said...

I don't make sense at the best of times X. Dell but I'll walk my way through life just the same.

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