The bagel and coffee shop in my building is run by a cute little Korean lady who used to be there every day. Now she’s there occasionally because she’s off busy attending the charm school my mother runs.
Once when I was starting to grow a beard, she encouraged me on by asking me about it and then yelling at close range KEEP GOING! I took this to mean she approved of me showing a little less face.
I hadn’t seen her in many months and this was fine by me as the folks running the place now are kinder, gentler and make better coffee.
Today, I spied Our Second Lady of Tact back on her old perch and holding court with 4 or 5 customers. She saw me and waved me over with a big smile. I imagined she’d greet me as I got closer with a hearty How have you been? or a Long time no see! Nope.
--You’ve put on a lot of weight! What are you doing?
The other customers looked me up and down , something I generally encourage but was now taking longer than I felt necessary.
-Um, well I guess I’ve put on a few pounds since I quit smoking.
--Sure, 10 at least. I hope you lose 10 pounds before I come back next time.
-Haha, well, yes, I hope so too.
I started to back away and to my relief, didn’t hear that noise that accompanies those wide load trucks when they’re put in reverse.
I shouldn’t say it but I really hope she’s not back tomorrow.
I want a BLT bagel, extra bacon.