11/19/2006

5 Gross Things

With a little bolstering from the posts of Coaster Punchman, Old Lady and Pink Fluffy Slippers, may I present, a game of tag involving 5 Gross Things.

1. I had an accident at school while in Grade 2. Although this post is called number 1, my accident was not. What's that smell?

2. My friend's sister married a farmer a few towns away. One day my friend invited me over there to play, we were probably 12 years old at the time. We watched silently as they put a rope around a cow's neck, put the rope through a metal loop on the ground between the barn doors, attached the rope to a tractor, drove the tractor until the cow's head was down at the loop on the ground and then put a bullet between its eyes. Then they hoisted it up in the middle of the barn, slashed its throat and we watched the blood drain. Then they peeled it. And we went back to playing.

3. At the monastery where my sister the Sister lives, there is a child Saint encased in wax resting in a glass tomb with some of his bones exposed and a little vial of his blood. That creeps me out still. Bury the little fellow already.

4. I loved going to the Saturday matinees at the local moviehouse as a youngster. One film that frightened the hell out of me was called Island of Terror. In it, strange creatures with multiplied by splitting in two. When they did this, there would be a gelatinous mess which looked like it had long noodles in it. That evening when I went home, my mother was just putting chicken noodle soup on the table. I didn't throw up but I couldn't go near chicken noodle soup for years after. I have a copy of the movie but have never watched it.

5. In Grade 10, I was reunited with someone at our brand new high school that I hadn't seen since my early school days. We were standing there talking before class and she stuck her finger in the still soft and sticky putty on the window. Then she said: Remind you of anything Dale? Like that time in Grade 2? I almost hemmoraged on the spot but kept my cool and convinced her that she had a faulty memory and it must have been someone else.

Anyone else care to play? I dare you. No, I double dare you.

19 comments:

Coaster Punchman said...

I horrified by the cow story. Yes, I eat meat. Yes, I'm in denial of the suffering of those poor gorgeous creatures. Sigh.

Anonymous said...

I have nothing. Not one gross thing has ever happened to me. I will poll some people I know, and I come up with anything good, will post.

You and your friends scare me.

Anonymous said...

The cow is horror story gross. Yipes.

Regarding the Island of Terror, did you ever realize those probably really were noodles in the movie?

I want to smack that 10th grade smart-aleck for you.

jin said...

LMAO @ # 5 !!!
You are BRILLIANT Dale!

I'm with Tanya...I know other peoples gross stuff...seriously can't remember anything ever happening to me like that...unless it's buried in one of the other 4 personalities?!!?

Dale said...

It was the strangest thing CP, very surreal and it didn't affect my love of beef or anything. Until I read a book called My Year of Meats and that put me off it for quite a while. I have my periods where I love it though.

You are perfect Tanya, almost like Jesus but he had shorter hair.

A little gross I know PFS. They probably used Campbell's soup too in the movie. I'll have to watch it and see how bad it was really. And yes, I remember her well and the horror I felt.

Don't let the others out Jin or you'll have to set up even more blogs!! :-) We're all brilliant.

Monkey McWearingChaps said...

Dale, monastery...sister lives at...WTF? I love how you toss out these details so breezily. No big deal, my sister lives at a monastery.

Did she have a sex change? Is she a nun? I thought only monks got to live at monasteries and nuns had to be cloistered at nunneries in the Swiss Alps to save Maria and Herr Von Trap from Nazis.

Spill man, spill!

Anonymous said...

Don't you just hate it when people remember things you assume they have long forgotten? No. No, they haven't forgotten. They're just waiting for the right moment to spring it on you--like the embarrassing Grade 2 incident. Oops! haha!

The cow story will haunt me for days. That's so disgusting!

The dead child saint...saw something like that in Italy and I still see the tiny little hands in my mind's eye. Er, thanks, Dale.

Okay, I'm freaked out and running away! Help, help! Running like the wind!!

:)

Dale said...

Hey Monkey, I love it when I breezily throw you all off kilter like that. I've mentioned somewhere way back that I have a sister who's a nun. She is in a cloistered order but they still call it a monastery. I think she's in charge of the baby graveyard.

Isn't it Ride Like The Wind Zed? I think you're running with the shadows of the night. Oh God, I've slipped right into one of your 80's parties again!! Excellent. Sorry to haunt you. Moooo.

Coaster Punchman said...

I'm glad to know you were sufficiently detached from your feelings to continue eating meat, Dale. See, childhood trauma has its advantages.

Hey Zed, your profile pic looks like my new cat. (Or the cat I hope to be getting in December - I have a fondness for orange tabbies....)

Jen said...

#2...

*cringe* *shudder*

Anonymous said...

I can tell you but will you post it?? I ran to an expensive and rather snooty store to see if they had a shirt for my husband. I was carrying my 3month old baby on my hip and trying to look like I belonged there and not be intimidated by the sales people. After looking around for awhile I felt something wet on my leg and looking down I found that my entire side and leg were covered with baby sh@t, the really liquid, orange/brown breastfed baby stuff. I have never gone back to that store and never will. I have other gross moments, more personal and painful, but a bit too close to reveal at this time....yikes, thanks for bringing all THAT to mind...

Dale said...

I love childhood trauma CP! More more more!

I didn't realize the impact #2 was going to have. Or did you mean number two? Hi Jen!

Anonymous - I would have given up the baby. It's not fair that you don't get to shop there anymore! I love that story but feel bad for the embarassment.

steve said...

I loved part 5... always nice to be remembered, no?

X. Dell said...

Um, nothing embarrassing has ever happened to me. But if it did, I wouldn't hgave known about it.

Dale said...

She was evil but I have to admit she had me Steve. She was the type who would correct teachers over word pronunciation.

I almost believe you X. Dell.

Anonymous said...

One time, way back when, First time out after having my son, I went to the bank. I remember having a light blue button down oxford shirt on when my breasts became engorged with milk as I sat there with my purse in front of me. I made an excuse and left with two HUGE wet spots on my shirt. Ok its not gross but I never went back to that bank again nor did I breast feed my second child.

P.S. I meant to respond to this post a few days ago but I had to have a frontal labotomy after reading Coaster Punch's gross stuff.

Dale said...

I saw you over at Coaster Punchman's Bluez. His blog is most excellent and his 5 things were pretty damned funny and gross. Your story sounds embarrassing but at least you can write about it!

Anonymous said...

Yeah I left out the part where I left a big puddle of breast milk on the womens desk and ruined a good purse.

Dale said...

Another reason to sell the kids and buy more purses Bluez.