11/13/2006

Marjorie Would Be Proud Of Me

Although I eat healthy every day (according to me), I thought it was about time I sat down and thought about thinking about how I'd become a monster.

As I sat there snacking and immobile, I considered a few points, not the Weight Watchers kind, but points just the same. I'm no professional but my logic made sense to me and therefore is probably worthwhile. Some of my findings include:

Salad - a very effective Feta cheese delivery system. The divine taste of Feta proves the existence of a higher power and is therefore safe to eat every day.

Potato chips - too obvious: It says Zero Trans Fats right on the bag and therefore is good for you. Enjoy with or without a side salad.

Coca-Cola - no skull and crossbones on the label anywhere means this sweet and tasty drink is perfect for any time.

As I was feeling a bit peckish, that's about as far as my research went. In conclusion, I cannot blame my diet and therefore pronounce genetics the culprit. Since there's nothing I can do about that, I'm considering branching out and trying some new foods. Anyone for a hot fudge sandwich?

24 comments:

Jen said...

hot fudge sandwich?

- I'm in.

Anonymous said...

see the whole genetics things strikes a twangy cord with me. ..

all the women in my family are chubbies. (including me!!! im hot. lol) so like we all were blaming genetics until we realized we were all raised to eat the same stuff. tortillas refried beans rice carnitas (pork!!!) and all other fatty foods. Hell! My family buys lard by the block!

okay now i feel all fat and sassy. ;p

mellowlee said...

I like your logic Dale!

Bubs said...

Sounds like you're off to a fine start.

Personally, I believe strongly in a diet composed of the important food groups:

Beans, bacon, whiskey and lard.

Coaster Punchman said...

I am happy to confirm the findings of this research on nutrition. Since I don't think George ventures far beyond the confines of CPW, I will confess that tonight instead of his leftovers I enjoyed a Nathan's chili cheese dog with cheese fries and a Diet Coke. (While I don't dispute the superb nutritional value of regular Coke, I am trying to preserve my teeth, especially since I dropped my meth habit.)

Geeti Das said...

Apparently someone in the Us recently came up with a fried Coke snack. Kill two birds with one stone. Don't know if it involved cheese, though...

Creepy said...

That's funny, when I had to drop my Coke habit I started a meth habit. Meth has no sugar as far as I know...

thetruthisthelight said...

there was an old joke years ago. I think Red Skelton had it in one of his sketches. If I remember correctly, it was him who picked up a bag of candy, read the label, then up-ended the whole bag of candy into his mouth. A woman then scolded him for going off of his diet. Red, not to be out-done, pointed to the price tag of 25 cents. "For 25 cents it can't be but so fattening!" he exclaimed.

Tumuli said...

I'm also health-minded these days, counting calories and such. Simply increasing vegetable intake while eliminating beef, fried food and snacks helps considerably.

I eat salad and "greens" everyday, but sugar remains my cocaine. I just can't live without it. The day ends much more lusciously with a mini Reese's peanut butter cup melting in your mouth. :)

Anonymous said...

Let's put our heads together and come up with a genetics vs eating vs exercise manifesto. If it is acceptable for a person to have a 'high metabolism' and they just can't gain weight no matter how much they eat (urge to kill) then the vice needs to be versa.

Beth said...

Always blame your parents. Guilt's good for them. And can I have a cherry on that sandwich?

Dale said...

I knew you would be Jen, you've got excellent taste.

Genetic tricks, and yes, I'll have a lard sandwich please. Sassylass.

It's flawless MLee.

I'm guessing matches are outlawed at your house Bubs.

Meth be damned, I'm sticking with the regular Coke and heartily approve of your choices CP.

They can just add the cheese on later Geeti, it's only an extra 50 cents.

Meth is good food Creepy.

Hmm, tbe light went out. I don't get it.

A mini Reese's cup? This sounds absurd. Unless you're eating 4 or more at a time Tumuli. I'll need to see your chart.

We definitely need more vice Old Lady. I'm on board.

I do blame them Beth, all parents, worldwide. One cherry coming up!

Tenacious S said...

Dale, you are a genius. The carb/fat/sugar combo is pure perfection. Sure, chips and dip are good, but no sugar. Ice cream, yummy, but no carbs. Hot Fudge Sandwich? How did you think of this?

X. Dell said...

I think I could for a hot fudge sandwich, as long as it's not on rye bread (perhaps iced raisin cinnamon).

Anonymous said...

I've been eating peanut butter and hershey's syrup sandwiches lately. In moderation of course.

thetruthisthelight said...

I think Red was trying to say the more expensive a product was, the more calories it would have in it. Like I said, it's an old joke. Scratch that from the list!

Anonymous said...

Oh the humanity!

I could enjoy a banana split deep fried in coke every day. How I love me some coke.

As a last resort I had a pepsi this summer after Robert's mum left from her week-long visit, because there was no coke to be had (it's a well known scientific fact that Quebeckers only drink pepsi), and I have to say, I liked it. It tasted sweeter or something.

Dale, you should get pregnant so then you're societally sanctioned to blimp up and no one will caress your flabby waist and whisper in your ear, "You don't need the dressing."

I currently weigh 148 lbs, by the way, up from my usual 125-132 range! Bring on the Peanut Buster Parfait, suckas!

Anonymous said...

And Marjorie says, "Dust … it’s actually very low in fat so you can eat as much dust as you like"

justacoolcat said...

"Anyone for a hot fudge sandwich?"

Add some Sour Cream, breading, and deep fry it and I'm in.

Unless ofcourse that is sexual innuendo, then hold the breading.

chelene said...

I'm with Cat! I thought that was some steamy sexual innuendo. Mmmm.

SlayGirl said...

Here Here!

Dale said...

Tenacious S - I think it up and then work everything out in the test kitchen.

Mmm, iced raisin cinammon sounds great X. Dell. It may warrant a little extra hot fudge even.

I hope you checked the Hershey's recall before you indulged PFS. Sounds tasty though!

Makes more sense now that you explain it to me Susanthelight.

Pepsi is nearly as loving as Coke is and I'm not even French. Although I know how to. You get extra points for mentioning Marjorie and her origins Tanya. Clearly, no dust in your head.

Coolcat, hold me, I'm breading. Chelene, we'll be right over.

There there Slaygirl.

Zed said...

The Irish lived on potatoes for centuries! And they're fine... And when potatoes are in chip form, they are so thin, they couldn't possibly have any calories. So be sure to dip them in some luscious French onion dip or some other creamy dip!

As for Coca-Cola, any product with an image of Santa Claus right on the label for two to three months out of the year is a GOOD--and good for you--product.

Coca-Cola = Santa = Joy = Eating goodness

You know it's the truth, Dale... Excuse me, I'm hungry now. Got to get to my fridge...

Dale said...

I love your logic and can barely believe I'm about to hire you as my new nutritionist and life coach Zed!