11/26/2006

And Now Your Feature Presentation

My favourite funny Jewess Katie Schwartz posted a movie meme that I enjoyed so I've taken it and modified it slightly.



1. Popcorn or candy? It starts out with popcorn and then I lose interest and switch over to candy. It's usually not until I leave the theatre that I realize my pants are covered in 'topping'.

2. Name a movie you've been meaning to see forever. The Passion of Joan of Arc. I have it, I just haven't gotten to it. Making out with cookies takes up a lot of my time and some things just give way.

3. You are given the power to recall one Oscar. Who loses theirs and to whom? Julia Roberts has to personally hand over the one she got for Erin Brockovich to Ellen Burstyn for Requiem For A Dream. I liked both films but there's no question about who gave the better performance.

4. Steal one costume from a movie for your wardrobe. The costume from Batman Begins – that comes with the body right?

5. Your favorite film franchise is....Lord of the Rings. The way they doled it out was franchise like. Did I just cheat?

6. Invite five living movie people over for dinner. Who are they? Why'd you invite them? What do you feed them?

First of all, before any successful dinner party, I think there should be a little mix and a mingle...

i) Hey, Darren Aronofsky! Come on in! Although I wasn 't a big fan of it, here's some Pi for you. Tell me a little about what it was like to work with Hubert Selby Jr. and adapt his brilliant novel into your fantastic film Requiem For A Dream. And what’s up with your new one, The Fountain?

If he started getting too intense, I’d introduce him to

ii)John Cameron Mitchell – sitting there eating his licorice drops and jelly roll. Hey John, Hansel needs some sugar in his bowl, heh heh. Tell us all about the pressures of following up your huge indie Hedwig success like and sell us on the idea of seeing Shortbus.

When the talk about sex starts to get boring (it eventually will), I’d have to turn and say, Have you met…

iii)Catherine O’Hara? – She’s just waiting for the mac and cheese to finish baking. We’d laugh and talk about how weird the business is and how I simultaneously believe she should be film’s most successful comedienne ever but am glad she’s not because then she’d be all weird and wouldn’t come to my parties anymore.

It would be hard tearing myself away but how can you be rude and not say hello to…

iv)George Clooney – He’s the only other person on earth aside from your humble host who looks that great in a tux. Still got that silly pig at the villa George? Cancel the chops, George’ll just share Catherine’s mac and cheese. He’s so down to earth.

Just as we were all getting really comfortable and relaxed, in walks...

v)Bjork! She never shows up! Quick - order some Fjallagrasamjólk! I always seem to run out of Icelandic Moss Soup at the wrong time. What’s that dear? You want to recreate the death scene from Dancer in the Dark again? Surely you must have another party trick or two up your sleeve? Why don’t you tell us all about your upcoming projects (and try not to scare the other guests)?

When I reflect back on that night and realize that I forgot to invite the adorable Amy Sedaris, I’ll be inconsolable until she calls and invites me to one of her shindigs proving once and for all, she’s the bigger man and the better hostess.

7. What is the appropriate punishment for people who answer cellphones in the movie theater? No more anytime minutes ever.

8. Choose a male and a female bodyguard from a film: Neo from The Matrix; The Bride from Kill Bill

9. What's the scariest thing you've ever seen in a movie? The spiderwalk that Regan does in The Exorcist (an extra scene that was added to recent dvd releases)

10. Your favorite genre (excluding "comedy" and "drama") is....documentary especially if it deals with music.

11. You are given the power to greenlight movies at a major studio for one year. How do you wield this power? I would give directors, writers and performers with experimental ideas the budgets to help them realize their vision. Could it be any worse than the thousands of cookie cutter projects that get the go ahead all the time?

12. If Jesus were to submit a synopsis of a documentary about life in America since 9/11, what would his p.o.v. be? I think he’d start with a ‘What I Was Doing That Day’ segment and then go straight into a Paradise Lost and Regained thing.

13. Down in front all you troublemakers - I'd really like to see every damned one of you do this quiz and post it on your blog. If you don't, I'm calling an usher like the ones we used to have when I was a kid - no fucking around, big flashlight, not afraid to use it.

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

I like pea soup.

Anonymous said...

I like pea soup.

katie schwartz said...

omg. daleish. you are so perfect! I loved and I mean FUCKING LOVED your dinner party with the stars.

I am so glad you did this. It was worth begging you to do it :)

too funny. too perfect. you are flawless.

Anonymous said...

It's usually not until I leave the theatre that I realize my pants are covered in 'topping' i JUST WANT TO SAY ONE THING...

IS THAT WHAT YOUR CALLING IT NOW??

"TOPPING?" LOL

I'mma call you peewee from now on

Coaster Punchman said...

I agree that Dale is flawless in all matters known to me. This reminded me of our earlier discussion on the merits of various movie theater candies.

I will have to think about this questionnaire. It may be too smart for my pea-sized brain. (I like pea soup as well.)

Grant Miller said...

Wise move on the Cell phone answering schmucks. Unless they are doctors.

Creepy said...

Yeah Dale, your "pants are covered in 'topping'?" What kind of theaters do you go to, the same kind Pee Wee Herman frequents?

wonderturtle said...

Ha ha, pie! I get it!

And Catherine O'Hara, brilliant choice.

I'm starting to think about it...

chelene said...

As usual, Dale, this post was great...but...I have to disagree. The blinding heavenly light of Pierce Brosnan in a tuxedo makes Georgie look like a poodle in a tutu.

I would say something about your "topping" but I'm a lady.

Bre said...

if it does come with the body then you're my new best friend. Just sayin.

SlayGirl said...

Ooooh, I love The Bride from Kill Bill! I recently rented that movie and it was like driving by a car wreck: grousem, bloody, and I couldnt take my eyes off it. I would so love to be a movie samari chick.

Anonymous said...

Popcorn and Sno-caps.

Anonymous said...

Good call on the Julia Roberts thing. Ellen Burstyn is just fabulous.

Anonymous said...

i did it!

jin said...

Wow...so, if you AND Clooney were at the same party, in tuxes...it would be beyond amazing...huh?

*jin tries to picture this...*

Um, gotta go now...all worked up & no one to fu.. oops! I mean, the timer is going off, on the oven...you know...cookies n' stuff....

X. Dell said...

(1) Like I don't hae enough tags to do?

(2) If Bjork doesn't show, then there should be plenty of food for Amy Sedaris.

Dale said...

You're a supastah Tanya. Pea soup it is.

Hey Katie, I love being rewarded for petty thievery like stealing this from you. You too.

Hey Yas! I'm sure I know exactly what you mean.

I do recall our candy discussion CP. As I now see, your soup brain was amazing at the questionnaire.

Even the doctors, they should be busy healing Grant, not at the movies waiting for shit to happen.

Cum on Creepy, what are you on about now?

She's one of my many loves Wonderturtle. You better think THINK think about what you're tryin to do to me...

I called Pierce Chelene because I had the same thought but he said he only had the speedos from The Matador and I don't own a pool. Then I noticed George Clooney on a Vanity Fair cover and he was in. You're a lady like no other.

Haha, very good Bre. If I had that body, I'd have a lot more friends!

Step 1 - get the kickass leather samurai suit Slaygirl. Or wait, maybe some training first.

Sounds tasty Old Lady. Will you share?

Yes she is Gizmo, and good call on your Oscar grabback too!

You sure did Yas, nice answers and no topping in sight!

Maybe we'll get you to 'cater' Jin, I think you're a woman of many talents!

X. Dell: a) No complaining, I never tag you directly due to the fear factor and b) Amy would give me lots of pointers on successful party throwing I know. And then she could eat.

jin said...

You are VERY persuasive mister!
I did it.

...the meme, I mean...

;-)

Beth said...

Your pants are covered with "topping"? Are you back to hitting movies wtih Pee Wee?

Beth said...

I almost listed Catherine O'Hara on my meme ... but saw you beat me to her. But I'm inviting Clooney, too.

Bubs said...

I remember that crab walk thing from the re-released Exorcist. I thought it was freaky. My youngest daughter laughed hysterically, and pointed it out as one more example of how I've ruined her for being scared by movies.

I really liked your dinner party list. Shoot, I wish I'd put more thought into mine.

Yasamin said...

my blog hates me! Dale! Fix my blog! it wont work!!! Beta ate it!! i cant even log in properly!!!

Dale said...

You only did it for CP, I know Jin. I'll be okay. Sniff, sniff.

Who you calling Peewee Beth? Har har...loved your picks, pour me a drink.

You put just the right amount of thought in Bub. Pour me a drink.

Oh Yas, you know you get what you pay for right? That sucks. Don't you have to log in through Google now or something if you've switched? You know who the brain of all things on this stuff is? Justacoolcat...check his link on my bloglist. He might help you if you smile pretty.

SlayGirl said...

Samuri suit...check. Looking the part is important. I'll get the training later, uh, or let my stunt double do it.

SlayGirl said...

Samuri suit...check. Looking the part is important. I'll get the training later, uh, or let my stunt double do it.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Hey Dale, finally I made the trek over here...

I've never heard of the "Passion of Joan Arc," but I know that at least in the visual sense, there are no turkeys in the Criterion Collection. So consider me curious.

Damn, I only invited three of the five to my dinner and Catherine O'Hara would be the best last minute drop-in. Can you imagine Christopher Guest movies without her.

Is there really such a thing as Icelandic moss soup???

Dale said...

I like the way you even stunt doubled your comments there Slaygirl. You're one cookie who won't crumble easily. Hai Ya!

Hi Writeprocastinator, I'm glad I made it over to yours finally too, there's some great reading there. I can't imagine Mr. Guest's films without Catherine O'Hara and Parker Posey, they'd be so much less worth it all.

And yes, sadly, that is a real soup I mentioned. I looked up Icelandic recipes and that one stuck out like a big sloppy bowl of slime. I would ask Bjork ahead what she'd like.

Holly said...

OK, Dale, late comment here, but I finally got around to doing this meme myself. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.... and I want you to know, that if I could have five movie people AND one non-movie person at my dinner party, you'd be that non-movie person.

Dale said...

You're never too late Holly, I love it when you comment! And I loved your take on the quiz too.