Delta Dawn

My morning routine involves avoiding everyone until I’ve arrived at my desk and had at least a few litres of coffee.

On the long elevator ride up to the second floor this morning, a woman I don’t know perkily announced “This is Friday for me! I’m so excited!”. I started to muster my patented wan morning smile when I took in what she was wearing.

There’s nothing quite like the sight of a fifty something woman dressed in a schoolgirl style skirt, knee socks and a white shirt and tie to force a genuine ear to ear grin from me. “Good for you!” I said and made my escape.

Apart from older people trying to interpret youth through clothing, today on Trend Watch, I’d like to ask for help on another puzzler.

In relation to the incident mentioned above, while I might have said It was my biggest smile ever, a number of people might have instead written BIGGEST. SMILE. EVER. I've been seeing THIS. EMPHATIC. EVERYWHERE.

WTF man?


deadspot said...

I would have written Richard Scarry's Biggest Smile Ever. That's just how I roll.

red said...

I think Echo, author of _Eat. Shit. And Die._, may be able to explain.

Allison said...

"On the long elevator ride up to the second floor this morning."


Jane Austen Jr. said...

Haha, "LOL" drives me nuts too!

Andi said...

I'm guilty of the period/caps thing, so I'm just going to slink away in shame now.

BeckEye said...

I usually don't use the caps, but I will use the periods. I think it all stems from Comic Book Guy on The Simpsons who would always say "Worst (insert item here) ever." But it was his halting delivery that made it sound so...EMPHATIC. Like one of his heros, Captain Kirk.

It doesn't work in all situations though. Like, "Biggest. Smile. Ever." may not have been that funny, but describing the 50 year old Britney-wannabe you could've said "Best. Outfit. Ever." or "Most Delusional. Old Lady. Ever."

What makes me an expert on this? Absolutely nothing. I'm talking out of my ass now. Best. Ass. Ever.

Keith Kennedy said...

Until you put on the school girl outfit you'll never understand the punctuation - so don't worry about it.

pistols at dawn said...

You know, if you read the dressed as a schoolgirl sentence without the 50 year old woman part, it's a lot hotter.

Mistress La Spliffe said...

Punctuation reflecting intonation. Remember the early nineties when people would spit out 'oh - my - god' with pauses and insistence you could express with OH. MY. GOD.?

Didn't change. Just evolved. Proving evolution isn't. always. a. progression.

Old Lady said...

Hey watch the old lady chat!

anandamide said...

Geez, now I feel all self-conscious in my schoolgirl skirt and knee high socks.

Thanks a million Dale. This has been the MOST. HURTFUL. POST. EVER.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Oh no, do you think I shouldn't have worn the tie? WHy didn't you SAY something in the elevator? Now I feel like a fool!

And I feel only slightly better knowing that Beckeye has the Best. Ass. Ever.

T said...

You should have said, "Too bad your last day of the week wasn't yesterday", or "Where does your daughter work?" or "Most she-males wouldn't have the courage to wear that".

Actually, it was nice (and a little pathetic) of you just to smile.

Evil Genius said...

Was she a Sophia Lauren fifty-something? Because that could be hot! Or as the kids say these days -"hawt."

Flannery Alden said...

Beckeye nailed it. Best. Interpretation. Ever.

Flannery Alden said...

BTW: I use that punctuation thing A LOT. I'm not ashamed either. That's just how I roll.

Chancelucky said...

you make the Toronto area sound like the most terrifying place, we need to get back to Canada. Out time in Victoria was like OUR BEST VACATION EVER.

Bella Rossa said...

Hey, I'm creeping up on middle age (or early middle age? Where's the cutoff, anyway?), and I was wearing a schoolgirl kilt night before last onstage, but it was as part of a pissed off punk schoolgirl ensemble, and more stagewear than streetwear. Hopefully that gets me off the hook.

Jacy said...

Do you mean the periods, or the all-caps, or both?

The periods thing has been driving. me. fucking. crazy. for. years.

To combine with all-caps is POSSIBLY. EVEN. MORE. OBNOXIOUS.

Tanya Espanya said...



Jake's Mom said...

From this 56 year OLD broad...oops you did it again.

X. Dell said...

Writing is a lost art, obviously.

BTW, what's that flower she had on?

Dale said...

You're a roller for sure Deadspot. Can I borrow your papers?

I must track down this Echo, he seems a private fellow these days.

It's amazing how long it can seem Allison when you're trapped with a Munchkin.

I always question Jane Jr. whether the person is actually L'ing out loud, in most cases I think not. When people actually use LOL in conversation, it's even more ridiculous. They did a bit about it on 'Californication' recently that was funny. I use that 'haha' too.

No slinking Andi! I just notice the proliferation and don't understand it. Or perhaps I'm mad I came to the trend late.

I've seen that ass Beckeye and yep, Best.Ass.Ever.! You're probably right about Comic Book Guy too, I never even thought about it.

Keith, interesting, I don't think it comes in my size though.

Much hotter Pistols but sadly, there are parts of the vision I'll never be able to edit.

You say you want an evolution Mistress? Well, alright. I do remember the Oh.My.God. now that you say it.

There's a fine line between lady and ridiculous Old Lady. You fall somewhere in the range that reads perfect.

When you refused not to buy those photos back from me Anandamide, I knew I had to lash out at you somehow. Now will you play nicely?

Did Beckeye say she has the best ass ever Barbara or is the best ass ever? Now, I'm confused. Normally, I'd tell you to your face but you just seemed so earnest yet sad.

It's all about the pathetic response for me T. While I disparage everyone, I rarely have the dark heart to crush them with my laser beam eyes.

A nice dream Evil Genius but no, not remotely Sophia-like. And the socks weren't argyle.

Flannery Alden! Good for you! Although you should be ashamed. But not for the Beckeye comment.

The only truly terrifying place in Toronto Chancelucky, is inside my brain. Victoria is lovely, come back and then pop over to Toronto, it's only a 5 hour flight.

The answer is right there in your name - Bella. The cutoff does not apply to you. By the way, rocking comedy showcase you did. Chicago may never be the same.

It's the way it looks/sounds Jacy. I just see it everywhere and I wonder, still I wonder, who'll stop the pain?

You're guilty as charged Tanya. How should you be sentenced?

Doing it is fun Jake's Mom! Look at you in your short skirt!

Could it be a faded rose thrown out by Tanya Tucker X. Dell? Or something from one of Helen Reddy's discarded bouquets?

Writeprocrastinator said...

Ooh, on this Canadian Thanksgiving, be thankful for the fact that she didn't ask you to spank her.

Marloes said...

OMG...silently sneaks away in her jeans and way to young t shirt

Coaster Punchman said...


Anonymous said...

isupposeitsbetterthansusingnoperiodsatallin asentence

Dale said...

I thank baby Jesus for that and many other things that could have gone horribly wrong WP.

No sneaking away Marloes! Stand and be counted. I saw someone on the weekend who looked like you, or your profile photo anyway.


Oh Bluez, are you trying to kill me? That makes me nuts!

Anonymous said...

my job is done

Dale said...

There may have been some prior insanity Bluez but you're definitely exacerbating it.