9/01/2006

Fit To Be Tide

I can’t remember the name of the song right now but it’s a Ruth Brown tune. In the middle of it, while the music continues, she starts talking. Mostly about how tired she is. One line always cracks me up -- she says I’m tide, T-I-D-E, tide. Ruth’s got some real gems in her repertoire.

This morning at work, someone stopped by my desk. It's casual day on Friday here and as you'd expect, a lot of people take a great deal of liberty with the concept. I still feel a modicum of fear that others will not find me at my most presentable. I had on some decent blue jeans, these shoes, and a white cotton long sleeved shirt.

A coworker, filling out his track suit in ways the manufacturer surely never intended, came over to ask a question and seemed surprised like I don’t look like a million bucks every day. Why are you all dolled up? I told him I didn’t know what he meant. He said that’s a white shirt, pretty fancy. Yes, and you’re nearly as bright as my shirt. I replied I guess I hadn’t thought of it like that. Trying to get all of your white in before Labour Day huh? Is it any wonder I’m often dumbfounded? He waddled off eventually which I thought was rather nice.

When I’m not telling people to suck it or go fuck themselves, I’m generally known to have good manners. At lunch today, I had decided on pizza which was very tasty. Halfway through eating, I felt my face flush with embarrassment. Jennifer and I are sitting there yakking away when I realized I had forgotten to introduce the pizza to the front of my white shirt. How could I you ask? Well, imagine my horror at this faux pas. I promptly introduced them and as you’d expect they got on like a house on fire.

The concourse we were in is the type that has several stores you might never purposely find yourself in but it does have a pharmacy. (I’m aware that most women think of a drugstore as a little bit of heaven but I just like them because they’re useful and they give Air Miles). So, we stopped in at the pharmacy and got one of those bleach pens to see how it would work. Jennifer assured me they were grrrreat!

We sat on a bench across from a clothing store, and she proceeded to demonstrate how it worked* and then I took over. Although I hated to break up the new friends so soon, I put the pen to work at once. While dabbing, I looked up to find 2 cashiers and 2 customers in the store across from our bench pointing and chuckling in my general direction.

One of them mouthed So does it work? I stood up and called out proudly I love my bleach pen! It works like a dream! And best of all, it’s reasonably priced! They laughed, we laughed, passersby ignored us and I sat back down. After all this activity at lunch and now back at my desk, all I can say is now I’m T-I-D-E too. Every day is Labour Day around these parts.




*These directions sound as though they might work on more than one thing:
Press tip several times to release solution. Rub tip gently. When necessary, add more liquid and continue to rub gently. Wipe with damp cloth or napkin to remove excess solution left on fabric.

20 comments:

Chancelucky said...

If you regularly drink white out, pizza shouldn't be able to leave stains on your white shirt.

lulu said...

I like those shoes.

Holly said...

It's great that you were able to separate the pizza from the shirt. I once introduced some bleach to a very pretty green dress I was wearing and that was it; no pen in the world could change what Clorox had wrought.

Dale said...

Good point Chancelucky but I'm only wearing the whiteout on the inside, my secret shame.

Courtesy of Steve Madden Lulu. I love them and they're comfy.

That's not a happy ending Holly. The Tide pens, according to my coworkers, are fantastic with everything they've ever tried them on. After I tried it, I looked closer at the packaging and it said that it doesn't work so well on grease, I proved them wrong.

chelene said...

Nice shoes. Steve Madden is the coolest!

If you need me I'll be in the bathroom with those directions.

justacoolcat said...

The directions don't only sound like they could work on something else . . .

Beth said...

I'm T-I-D-E myself, my tomato-based friend. And a little hot after reading those, um, instructions. Hope you and your bleach pen have a wonderful weekend.

Old Lady said...

Old Lady's homemade remedy for 99.9% of stains on ANY color fabric. Enough Dawn dish detergent to cover the stain, rub into stain, then squeeze fresh lemon juice on the stain and rub in. Put it in the washer like that!

Mob said...

I've been giggling aloud for a about five minutes after reading the instructions.

That guy should write for Penthouse, that's some good stuff.

Dale said...

Chelene! Your camera have a self timer right?

Coolcat - what? I can't hear you over the sound of you washing your hands.

Am I tomayto based or tomahto based though Beth?

Old Lady - Does it have to be Dawn? Tony Orlando's still looking for them and he can't find them so what are my chances?

Like all of us Mob, you are easily titillated. Oh no, should I have used that word?

mellowlee said...

Oh...My...GOD Dale, that is the best post I've read in a while :D You are on fire FIRE I tell ya :)
ps
I think you would be a much better spokes person than that ex soap star/Regis co-host, Kelly whatsername. I just want to slap her silly.
Ok, I'm going back to re-read that post :D

Tenacious S said...

Those instructions, oh my!

Hey, Lulu! I think you need a bleach pen. No, I'm not being smutty. I really do think you need a bleach pen.

Dale said...

Hey Lee, glad you laughed, it was pretty funny. A few people at work mentioned Kelly Ripa so I just YouTubed the commercial. Oh God, she's awful. Her best stint ever was this commercial parody for Tressant Supreme on SNL. Check it out.

Aren't they something Tenacious S? Now I'm worried about Lulu but only a little.

I'm sure this is unrelated but there is someone at work who pretty much requires a staff of 3 around her at all times just dabbing her with the bleach pens all day long.

Coaster Punchman said...

Not exactly a family oriented blog like CPW, are we?

mellowlee said...

That commercial parody was great Dale thanks! :D

Dale said...

If the ratings board or parole board ever catches up with me CP, I'm fuc..in trouble. There is no other blog quite like CPW.

Glad you liked it Mel. I laughed when I first saw it.

X. Dell said...

Well, if your pizza sure got on like a house on fire, you're in luck. There are firemen in town.

I have to find one of those bleach pens. I am a very gracious host in terms of food and clothing.

Dale said...

I wouldn't want to involve too many hoses X. Dell. It worked fine with me and the pen. They're pretty good, I can recommend the Tide one and the Ruth Brown.

Anomie-Atlanta said...

Prada....fabulous Friday footwear!

Dale said...

Not quite Prada but good enough for me Anomie-A. Steve Madden.