She showed up today after I'd waited nearly a full week. I wasn't even sure I'd ever see her again, the lady who left her basket of peaches and that coffee mug on the train.
Good Samaritan that I sometimes am, I carried those damned peaches around for a couple of days before they started to sour just like my feelings for her. I threw them out but wondered how long I should hang on to the mug? If it hadn't been brushed stainless steel on the bottom and ceramic on top, the kind of mug that could insulate you from nearly anything, I might have tossed it too.
I settled in today and she spied me before I saw her. She plunked herself down on the seat across from me and gave me a big smile. Did you enjoy my peaches by any chance? As soon as I got off the train, I knew I'd left them behind. I wondered if anyone would pick them up.
I smiled at her and dug deep pulling the mug from my briefcase. I was just about to let her have it when she said My mug!! I would have just thrown it out by now if it had been me! And that's when I let her have it. I threw it at her. Hard. And then hopped off the train just before the doors closed.
Alright, so maybe I didn't throw it at her. I gave the mug back to her and she was really thankful and sweet about it. But I will have to go on the run.
I'll have to switch cars now to avoid taking on a new best friend who wants to chat all the way home and who can now recklessly abandon things at any time knowing I'll be there to pick up the pieces. What would my main Jews think? And where are they anyway?
Just another day in the life of a true hero riding the rails.
32 comments:
OMG that was too funny. Great post. I'm surprised you didn't smack the peach bitch.
Dale,
I don't know if you meant it this way, but the tale of the lady, the peaches, the mug, and the metro makes a terrific short story (or at least it sketches it out) or a perfect blog post.
I love these little personal dilemmas we sometimes drop ourselves into. My problem is that I usually forget about them about three hours after they've happened. You caught that sudden weird sense of obligation to complete strangers perfectly.
Okay, didn't mean to turn this into blogger's workshop. :}
Dale and Peaches sittin' in a tree....
xo
jw
Should've made the peach cobbler!!
That's the closure I was needing for that story.
I swear to God, I was scrolling through your blog yesterday and thought about the peaches and mug albatross combo with which you'd been stuck.
She'll come looking for you on the next car, you know....
That's so funny!!! I never talk to people in transit. A very drunk guy tried to talk to me once but I got off the skytrain at the next stop. I will have none of that thankyouverymuch. I think it's amusing how people stare blankly through each other or at the ceiling, or pretend to be reading or talk on their cell phone just so they don't have to acknowledge the people around them. My favorite is when people fall asleep on the skytrain or bus. I have no idea how they can do it. I would be scared of being robbed or of snoring, or as you mentioned in an earlier post, drooling :)
You know Dale, there's something that's almost symbolic about her leaving Peaches and a mug.
In view of your summary that she has a tendency towards wanton abandonment maybe the conclusion would be...
"She's a peach and you were almost mugged".
That's hilarious...
*Laughing out loud while at my desk at work, my boss is looking at me like I'm insane*
Gretta
Another heartwarming post. You strengthen our collective faith in humanity.
She could probably take me Bluez, I'm 6ft tall but she's wiry and an athlete. I'm scared of everyone so I'm exceedingly nice. Until I get to my blog.
Thanks for the kind words ChanceLucky. I appreciate your take on things. Now how much for the *free* workshopping?
Jen - When I was telling someone at work about it, the first thing out of their mouth was - what'd she look like? :-)
I still regret that Old Lady because it sounded so good. I probably would have botched it but next time, maybe I will!
She probably will Mob. Glad to put your mind to ease. I was happy to give the damned thing back finally. Now I've got more room for my lunch and other essentials. Like so much stuff to pack my briefcase that I couldn't possibly use it as a lost & found next time.
They look for me Lee, I've got some sort of geek magnet on that draws them in. I could scowl and mouth the words feck you and they'd still smile and start talking at me. One of my many curses! Good for you.
Or I could have gone with something like this Ben -- of all the train cars on the line, this peach had ta walk inta mine. It was only a matter of time before I was 2 cups of coffee into the case.
Does he look at you like that anyway though Gretta or just when you're laughing?
CP! But I hate the people! I'd better go check my philosophy. You're not being a false prophet are you?
Finally, closure! I was wondering what happened. In the movies, that would be a "meet cute" and romantic hilarity would ensue. Personally I wouldn't want a woman who couldn't keep track of her peaches.
Next time she sees you she'll just leave flowers and a note, since you were too dense to pick up on the peaches/travel mug courtship gesture.
If it's a movie Chelene, it's a short film at best. Your comment made me think of the song Peach by Novel. Have you heard it? For anyone under the age of 19, this is a song about peaches.
Watermelon, coconut, fresh squeezed
juice drippin when I soak it up.
I know it's ripe sweet nectarine,
Can I have a bite get ya fruit on.
Strawberry, wit the chocolate melt,
Let me dip ya cherry in my glass of milk.
My bananas peel the skin,
We could have a fruit salad,
you can call a friend.
I can eat a peach for an hour,
especially when it's sweet not sour.
I love it when it's juicy,
doin somethin to me.
I can eat a peach for an hour.
Maybe we can talk for an hour,
maybe take a rain drop shower.
You can be my queen,
I can be yo king.
I can eat a peach for an hour.
Peach fuzz, no stem,
Rubbin' on the hairs of my chinny chin chin.
A special taste makes a fine wine,
I could crush grapes turn it into fine wine.
Girly girlies know what I mean,
that thing, whipped cream get ya fruit on.
All these girls all the same,
Mango, kiwi , tangerine.
dale,
I think she wants you to fuck her. hard. it's so, shorts-on-hbo. she wants you to sidle up to her and slide your finger up her skirt and inside her hot buttery flange.
you know, I think I'm kinda neash now.
Oh Dale... you're just too nice. I totally would have told her: "Nah, I tossed the peaches. But I kept the mug." ... and then put my nose back into my book without another word.
Alright, okay... so I wouldn't have done that. (sigh)... I would've done exactly what you did. You're right. You'll have to change trains now. Fucking people.
*fanning self* and those of us over 19 are either having hot flashes or need a cold shower.
Personally, I have never known a man to take over 2 minutes to eat a peach, although they do have a tendency to let the juices run.
I'm glad I don't ride the train
I would hate to have to lug around
peaches and various fruit
everywhere... that would suck
=)
I've never heard that song in my life, Dale! The sight of peaches is going to make me hot now.
The only song I know with a dirty peach reference is "The Joker" by the Steve Miller Band: "really love your peaches, wanna shake your tree".
Do you wear your cape on the train, or do you have a problem with it getting stuck in the doors? And what is your superhero name -- Passionman or Daledude?
Hey Bubs - Dense is probably the best way to describe me about 3/4 of the time.
Katie Schwartz you dirty dirty J! If only I didn't have the brains God gave a table, I'd think of a comeback.
I hate every last one of them Berry. Almost.
Lulu, one thing leads to another!
Hilarious Old Lady!!
Why not ride the train Jen? I'm right there to carry all the fruit and stuff.
Listen to the song up above Chelene if the Bolt link works. Who knew peaches were so damned suggestive huh?
Beth, I'm thinking of keeping the big S and just going with Supertard or something like that.
Did you know that sex therapists use slices of peaches to teach men how to perform oral pleasure on women ? Yup I saw that on HBO's Real Sex one time I did. I think that song was playing in the backround when they showed that class. Heh
Dale, I love that you did this great thing for a stranger and then worried about how you were going to avoid having to keep her as a friend. So dark. So hilaaaarious.
I'm learning all sorts of things about my body! Oops, that's Jerri Blank's line from Strangers with Candy. I meant, I'm learning all sorts of things from you Bluez. Cool.
I'm dark but not dank Dena. Come ride the train with me but sit somewhere else and message me every 5 seconds.
Hah! I second Chelene's comment about "really love your peaches, wanna shake your tree" and I've always wanted to shake your tree, Dale...especially because you're so TALL! Slurp!
That's right, you bested her by several hours when we was talkin' on the string and can thing this morning.
I'm one of those people who seems taller than I am. I mean I'm no Coaster Punchman (3'8") but I'm only 6'. My ape brothers are all taller than me. But I am slurpee. That didn't sound right did it?
I didn't imagine that you would return the peaches. Too bad she didn't leave behind earplugs as well.
Or her wallet X. Dell.
Maybe. If someone stole my wallet, they would actually wind up paying me money.
Is that because it's dripping in venom and only you have the antidote?
Good on you for being such a nice person, Dale! I salute you! Good Samaritans are hard to come by these days.
And good point about avoiding her...could you imagine all those boring ass conversations about "Remember the time I forgot my peaches on the train? Blah...blah..." Boring obligatory chitchat sucks.
The conversations have already started. If you hear about someone putting their head through the side of one of those train windows on Citypulse Angela, you'll know I've run out of places to hide.
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