9/07/2006

Snow Angels

I hate winter for a few good reasons. I can never seem to get warm enough, I still recall clearly what an aluminum light pole tastes like and I can't stand all the bundling up just so you don't die. Winter can be credited though with teaching me a couple of valuable lessons. Travel back with me if you will to a time when Dale was just as passionate but much, much shorter: Grade 4.

I was walking home for lunch one blustery winter day with a couple of kids who lived a few doors away when their dad, a delivery driver pulled up. He hurried us into the back of the van and let us out across the street from their house. He drove off, we called out our see ya after lunch goodbyes and headed for our respective houses. I decided to walk a few more steps down the sidewalk before crossing.

As I made my way into the street, there was just enough time for my brain to whisper at me never run out from between parked cars and BAM, I was down. I'd been hit by a half-ton pickup truck! The corner of the fender hit me at hip level and took me down fast. Blunt pain registered and all of a sudden I couldn't see anything but it felt like I was flying.

I was wearing a snowsuit and this, combined with very icy road conditions sent me into an uncontrolled human skid. As the driver fought to stop his truck on the ice, I got to my feet just in time for him to BAM! me again. This time he clipped me in the side of the head.

I was knocked off my feet again and went for some more freestyle sliding and spinning. I ended up more or less in front of my house which was my goal after all.

I'm not sure what the odds are that someone can be hit by the same truck twice in the span of about 15 or 20 seconds but I do know that it can be done.

While I lay there trying to get my bearings through blurry eyes, the panicked driver got the truck stopped and tore off running into my house. As luck would have it, he knew my parents but not me.

I've just hit a kid with my truck ”he blurts to my mother. She in her unwavering wisdom says Bring him in and I'’ll call the ambulance”. I'’m pretty sure you'’re not supposed to move an accident victim but really, I was in no position to argue.

He scooped me up and laid me down on the couch and started to cry. My mother tried to comfort him but then suddenly shrieked Oh my God it's Dale!! You know this child? Yes! It's my son! and the waterworks started flooding the living room.

As I lay there semi conscious, my older siblings started arriving home for lunch. My brothers immediately whispered comfort to me -- what'd you do you little asshole? and god you're stunned. Someone finally managed to call the ambulance and its arrival restored order to the proceedings.

I ended up in hospital for 3 days observation and some really bad meals causing me to wonder if my mother had offered to help cook while I was there. The family visited in shifts and I even got a couple of small gifts. The best present of all though, was when I heard that a girl in my class burst into tears at the news that I had been downed. It made me feel special.

The snow angels were really smiling down on me that day I guess. I still make sure to look both ways before crossing the street now and I never run out from between parked cars. As for the aluminum taste that I can't get off my tongue? Well, maybe I won't try that again this year.

23 comments:

chelene said...

Wow, Dale. That's a really scary story. Hit by a truck. You should be dead...

Wait a minute.

Injuries, shock, trama. THREE days of "observation" and a miraculous recovery.

Nice try, Jesus. I'm onto you. Prepare to start handing out the miracles, "Dale".

jin said...

OMG!!!

I don't know what else to say!

You did make it sound rather LOL funny, though. I hope you meant to do that. Cos I did LOL.

(I'm going to hell anyway so it really doesn't matter! ;-)

Tanya Espanya said...

I NEVER get tired of this story, god, I love it!

Do you remember what the small gifts and meals were?

Tenacious S said...

You should be glad that happened in the winter. The snowsuit probably saved your life.

Coaster Punchman said...

"I ended up in hospital for 3 days observation and some really bad meals causing me to wonder if my mother had offered to help cook while I was there."

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

That was funny, what you said!

CP

mellowlee said...

Whoooaaaaaa! That's insane. Poor little Dale. Very well writen :) It reminded me of A Christmas Story. I frickin LOVE that movie! That kid has nothin on you Dale. Wow!

blog Portland said...

Hit by the same truck twice? That's fucking hilarious. Even moreso because you're still around to talk about it!

Oh, and I don't like winter either, but none of my reasons seem to matter anymore.

Mob said...

Ah, the lure of the flag-pole and its fabulously metallic taste.

I'll suggest a move to Texas, my friend, if you don't like the cold. There's about a month of actual winter, and all the heat you can suffer through.

X. Dell said...

Amazing you weren't hurt that badly--other than the hospital food.

I'll save the jokes about getting hit in the head with a half-ton pickup truck. Too obvious.

Beth said...

Omigod! And yet, under the nimble typing fingers of Mr. Passion, it's funny as hell. Were you hurt at all, Dale, or just banged up? And I second CP's laughter over your mama's cooking coaching for the hospital.

Dale said...

Chelene I'd ask you to get down on your knees but I don't know you that well. :-)

I was going for funny Jin so you're safe for now.

Tanya, it's funnier when it's not in print isn't it? You know with the funny hats and costumes and the blood? I got a yellow slinky dog (head on one end, slinky in the middle, tail on the other end) and my brother D. twisted it up and broke it within minutes of getting it home. I got a new toothbrush (I considered it a gift) and I remember the oatmeal and the scrambled eggs. The only good food was those little individual boxes of cereal (heaven). And who put the word meal in oatmeal anyway?

You're right Tenacious S. In the summer, the snowsuit and road would have had a different relationship altogether. I wore it all seasons you know.

Thanks CP. I just read your story and want to know how our parents didn't end up in jail for all their misdeeds.

I've never seen it Lee but doesn't the kid do the same thing with his tongue? I know people who say it's their favourite. I need to sit and watch it. Maybe after The Ref this year.

I want to know your reasons Blog Portland. And I'm glad you got a laugh out of it. One time in a training session at work, the instructor said Well, unless someone's got a good story to tell, I guess we'll have to have a quiz. A friend piped up immediately and said Dale got hit by the same truck twice in Grade 4. I had to tell the story to a group of relative strangers but they liked it okay because they got out of the quiz. See how easy it can be to change lives?

I should at least visit sometime Mob. I could always come back once a year to stick my tongue to the light standard right? My nephew lives in Texas now and loves it.

I'd expect nothing less than for you to take the high road X. Dell. And in case it comes up in future, no, I don't know Chip.

Just banged up a bit Beth, the snowsuit (or SkiDoo suit as we called them) really did save me. Glad you got a laugh out of it. I live to amuse. Go read CP's harrowing tale now.

gizmorox said...

That is quite the story, and funny as all get out. And as much as I hate ice, it probably helped you out. Think of the road burn that would have been involved if you'd skidded across the pavement in summer. Ouch.

Old Lady said...

Yup, you gota angel!

shroom-monkey said...

Holy shit Dale! That is insane....

I once got run over by a volkswagon bug, not quite the same, just some major bruising but hell yeah, I learned to never jump out into a road...

Kids are dumbasses......
It is a miracle we all made it to adulthood.......

Echo said...

That is some fucked up shit...

Bella Rossa said...

Holy crap, Dale! That's a hell of a story.

I had two opposite reactions at the same time. #1, I thought of the two kids I went to high school with who died in separate winter-related traffic accidents wherein tow trucks that pulled up to help them unstick their cars hit and killed them, and #2, I laughed. Yes, I feel bad about that. Poor little Dale.

And to think, my chief complaints about winter are dry skin and a shortage of sunlight. Never got hit by a truck like you did. (Twice!)

Bluez628 said...

" was knocked off my feet again and went for some more freestyle sliding and spinning. I ended up more or less in front of my house which was my goal after all."

omg I laughed at that part, sorry!

It IS possible to hit something twice. I know because I hit a deer twice within 20 seconds. He didn't make it and either did my car. :-(

Beth said...

I read CP's story! He always has to trump you, doesn't he?

Dale said...

Hey Giz, it did help. I mentioned something similar to Tenacious S in the comments up there.

I was a lucky fellow that day O.L.

A VW bug Shroom Monkey? I would have just flicked that right off me. I wanted to take on something a bit more challenging. Dumbass move huh?

Yes Echo. Yes Echo.

Well Bella Rossa, they say no two skins flake alike but I know of the winter heartbreak you mentioned. I survived and made it a funny story, your school mates, that's some fucked up shit.

Hey Bluez, I wanted you to laugh. I don't find you killing Bambi's mother quite so funny but that might just be me. My b-in-law hit a moose with a Pacer once. He was lucky to walk away from that one alive. And the shame of driving a Pacer to begin with.

justacoolcat said...

Am I the only one who read this as an explanation?

Dale said...

So young and yet so wise!

Dale said...

Beth, I skipped your comment. Oops. I simply cannot believe the audacity of that CP fellow. Hmph. :-)

Holly said...

My god! Dale! What was I doing in September of 2006 that could possibly have been important enough to miss this post!

I'm just glad your recovered and went on to live a happy (?) and meaningful (?) and theatre-filled (that one I'm sure of) life.