9/20/2006

In The Cut

The guy who cuts my hair has a shop in the concourse of the building I work in. He’s generally reliable if somewhat difficult to understand.

English is not his first language but this doesn’t stop him, no siree; he natters on as though he really might be saying something. There’s the accent to contend with too, the kind you associate with Barbara Walters. I can easily almost understand about one eighth of what he says.

His clothing choices show him to be daring and unafraid of colour and form fitting fabric. When I think of the blisters on the fingers of those poor kids trying to get the stitching just so, well, never mind, I don’t want to make this about me.

He always asks my opinion of the big game or whether I’ve been hunting or fishing lately which he says loves to do. In my head, the reply is always the same: you know you’re gay right?

Yesterday, I stopped by, said hello to his scissors and then went back to work. A co-worker said to me what happened to your hair? That can’t be good right? It looks longer in the back, like they missed a spot. I got a second opinion from the hair goddess who sits next to me and she confirmed there was indeed a length issue.

I went back down and cut in on his next victim’s appointment; he had just finished prepping her and she sat there wet haired while I tried to discreetly let him know there was a problem. After surveying the problem, he said maybe you should put more gel. I said no, two people asked me what was wrong with my hair and I think you should even it out. He said okay like I was a moron but then sat me down and fixed it in a few short snips.

It could be that he’s blind now like my old barber but it’s probably just that he was daydreaming about ice fishing season. It’s only a few months away.

37 comments:

Old Lady said...

Probably some new style or he's just not that in to you!

Tanya Espanya said...

I didn't want to say anything, but it's true...He makes you look like you enjoy ice fishing...Why don't you go to Robert's guy? He's a Sicilian! Sizzle-ian!

Coaster Punchman said...

I don't think he can be gay. No gay stylist would dare give a haircut like that unless it were a fashion statement.

lulu said...

He's gay and he messed it up? That's so wrong.

shroom-monkey said...

Ohh Dale, tell the truth.... You were wearing the ol shirt unbuttoned down to the middle of the chest with the gold medallion bling blazing. He was sidetracked babe- being the sexy beast that you are you got his little scissors in a tizzy....

and I thought you were only mine.... awwww Dale how could you??

Berry said...

Clearly, he was trying to sneak a mullett on you. This is how it starts.

Chancelucky said...

Gay people hunt and fish. Don't you get Will and Grace up there?

chelene said...

So, I'm guessing that this guy doesn't pull out the extra mirror and show you the back of your head?

Dale said...

My first good laugh of the day Old Lady - thank you.

I've seen Robert's hair.

CP, Lulu, with his frilly blouses and talk of hunting, I'm totally confused plus it's honestly difficult to understand him. Next time I'm bring him bacon, cigarettes and a cat. That'll get him talking.

I am all yours Shroomy but if you leave the cage unlocked, things is gonna happen. I'm buttoning my shirt now out of respect for you.

Berry, I don't think I can shoulder that type of responsibility. My trail blazing days may well be over.

You always bust me Chelene!! He did show me the mirrored back and I didn't notice. I think it was the shine from my bling. No way was I going to leave in the part where I'm dumber than a bag of hammers. But now I have. I'm dumb.

Dale said...

How did you sneak in there Chancelucky?

Will & Grace? Who? Gay people? What's that?

Mob said...

I remember the first blinding barber my father used to take me to as a child, he'd always manage to knick the area where the ear connects to the head, as if auditioning for a role in Reservoir Dogs when he tapered the area around my ear.

I don't miss him at all.

Try taking your guy a couple copies of Guns and Ammo and Martha Stewart Living, see which he goes for. It'd be an interesting test.

shroom-monkey said...

ohhh no, unbutton it baby, I like showing you off....

justacoolcat said...

The LA Mullet is totally in. In those brief few moments of uneven haired shame you almost scored your own reality show.

Anomie-Atlanta said...

Perhaps he was trying to give you a mullet to celebrate the start of hockey season?

X. Dell said...

I hope your barber doesn't read yur blog. No telling what would happen on your next visit if he did. You might come out looking like Pete Rose.

Dale said...

Pretty funny Mob, I've had a few of them audition in my general ear vicinity too!
Your question reminds me of a Kids in the Hall sketch where they were trying to sort out a guy's sexuality - do you want the steak or the pasta salad, a beer or a wine spritzer (something along those lines anyway).

I know you do. And so I am. Right now Shroom.

Why didn't you call me CC? I would have left it a bit longer. My fleeting (hair) brush with fame could have made us all superstars.

I'm changing my name to Dale Mullets. It could be a hockey player's name couldn't it A-Atlanta?

Dale said...

Did you have to say that X. Dell? I'm cringing now thinking of my former grade school Pete Rose / Prince Valiant style haircut. How was I not beaten to death?
Coaster Punchman had posted a photo of the girl in Little Miss Sunshine on his blog and I made a crack that it probably looked like lovely blogger Beth. She then posted photographic proof that perhaps I wasn't off the mark. Don't make me post mine.

Beth said...

He called me "lovely blogger Beth. " *giggle*

And I can't wait to see you in your Prince Valiant glory come October 1.

Dale said...

Am I on tv that day or something Beth? Or are you stalking Toronto and burbs?

mellowlee said...

Oh man! I have a major phobia of hair dressers. I've had some bad experiences. I haven't had my hair cut since June 2005.

Beth said...

I'd almost stalk Toronto to see you wearing that 'do today ... but several of us are going to post our kid pix that day. Since you started it ...................

wonderturtle said...

Anyone who responds to constructive criticism with "Maybe you should put more gel" is not to be trusted.

jin said...

I'll cut your hair for you next time Dale, but it'll cost ya!
;-)

Anonymous said...

that's hot....

Anonymous said...

Next thing you know you'll be sporting skinny jeans and a big sweater with that mullet Dale


Bluez

Dale said...

Do you have Crystal Gayle calling you for hair care tips MellowLee or do you just cut it yourself?

Beth I hear you callin'...yep, you're on. I'm sure I can swallow my pride and showcase some of the horror and trauma of my early days. You're on for Oct 1.

It sounded like pretty shifty advice Wonder-T. but I guess maybe he was trying to save face in front of the next customer.

Hmm, intriguing, how will you charge Jin?

Yes, yes it is S-Monkey.

Skinny jeans don't come in my size I'm afraid Bluez.

mellowlee said...

Crystal Gayle was my hero when I was a little girl. I haven't dared cut it myself either. It's getting reaaaaalllly long. Almost time to bite the bullet. Skinny jeans + Mullet = no ass (because we would laugh ours right the hell off right?) Did you hear the sound of shrieking yesterday. That was me when they announced on Fashion Television that skinny jeans are making a comeback.

Dale said...

And you didn't even invite her to your dinner party Lee? Tsk tsk. I thought I heard a scream! So it was you. I'm willing to welcome the skinny jeans back if we can get Jeanne Beker to go away.

mellowlee said...

Oh YES, I agree 100%!! J Beker just needs to go away now! In fact I will get on the stair climber NOW to get skinny jean ready if that's what it takes ;)

Dale said...

Just watch the hair Lee...don't want a hair climbing incident.

mellowlee said...

*nods* stepping on hair/hair tangled in stair climber would be bad! Can you see the headlines now?
Woman maimed in Tragic Stepping Accident in Bid to Exile Jeane Beker
or
Quest for Skinny Jeans Ends in Tragedy

Creepy said...

A blind barber is better than a blind mohel (the guy who performs circumcisions).

Dale said...

Excellent headlines I hope we never have to see ML!

Creepy - OUCH!!

ziggystardust73 said...

perhaps he isn't gay? mullets are so last season.

Dale said...

Only his hairdresser knows for sure I guess Ziggy. Let's hope there don't have to be any more mullet tragedies near to us.

n.v. said...

Dale, maybe he was busy imagining your balls on his chin and missed that spot? You sexy devil.

Dale said...

Haha, you're probably right because like you, I'm adorable.