5 (or so) Things

Innocent little Katie Schwartz tagged me with 5 Things You Don't Know About Me. I had to think about this. What do I want you to know that you don't already?

Disclaimer: Everyone on my list or who surfs by this post, please stop and give it a go by posting on your own blog or in the comments. Or I'll sic Baby Jesus on you. Some think he has magical powers.

1. I was promoted from kindergarten to Grade One. I sailed right through those two piece wooden puzzles and never looked back, except to laugh at the people still having trouble with the two piece wooden puzzles.

2. My parents once gave me away for about 8 months. Unfortunately, I was not adopted by a celebrity, I was given back. Fuckers.

3. I have a tattoo. If I've mentioned this before, it's because I'm old but not so old that my tattoo's saggy.

4. You're still thinking about number 2. aren't you? It was like Running With Scissors but with less medication and turmoil. Don't worry, I'm fine, just not rich like Augusten Burroughs is.

5. Sometimes, I end up laughing in the middle of sex. Listen to yourself and your partner sometime.

6. Bonus thing because #4 doesn't really count: I wish I wasn't so glib. I'm the glibbest mofo I know.


Anonymous said...

You are mighty glib. I never suspected the glib regretted their skills. Hey, I was promoted from grade 1 to grade 2. It was quite the event in my small town school. But my parents never gave me away.

justacoolcat said...


I'll bet you cry when you get the bill.

Tenacious S said...

Yup, you pegged it. Got stuck on number 2. I'll post mine at my site.

Yasamin said...

wait you have a tattoo??? is it of a battleship sinking on your chest?

your so silly Dale. I laughed during sex once. only to prove a point though.

Beth said...

You didn't include your Nobel Prize. Wasn't it for accomplishments in glibology?

And, Dale, you gotta tell us more about #2.

katie schwartz said...

dale, that is a kick ass post! I love that! you are so funny, child.

the laughing while fucking thing. I have done that too. I LOVE that you posted about that!!!!

share more about your upbringing.... I know, I'm being a pushy cuntweed

chelene said...

Don't hate the glib. Embrace it, Dale.

Anonymous said...

You have sex?

How did I not know anything about this?!

Why wasn't I invited?!

jin said...

1. Anytime I go grocery shopping the first thing I do when I get back is scrub my hands with soap because they feel really dirty after touching all the products I know other people touched.
2. I hate the taste of sugar in coffee but I LOVE vanilla cappuccinos.
3. If I see a dead animal/bird in the street outside my shoppe I pick it up (with gloves!) & bury it in the garden. My garden is so FULL. :-(
4. I'm randy ALL the time & my husband NEVER is. :-P
5. I would be bored to death without blogging!

(Ummm....ok...there you go dale...you asked!)

X. Dell said...

You're glib, all right, but I'm dubious about the validity of point number one.

mellowlee said...

Haha, your glibbness is endearing. Oh man, I just heard Tom Cruises Voice "You're glib Matt!" eeek.

lulu said...

I will admit to number 5 too.

Anonymous said...

Laugh, kookabara
Laugh, Kookabara
Gay your life must be

jin said...

Wait! Wait!
How come I'm the only one that posted mine here!!!


Oh...that's right...I put them here so the people over at my blog wouldn't see 'em!

That's SO none of their business!!!

Dale said...

Could be just me as I would not deign to speak on behalf of the glib everywhere. Aha! A kindred soul. And that's why you can't play the cello yet! Blame them! :-)

I never regret it Coolcat. I just keep switching cards and refinancing.

I'll elaborate before long Tenacious S. It's a good tale. Thanks for doing your list.

Yes I do Yasamin but I like your idea, it'd never look bad would it? What point were you proving? That just because you're in a clown car shouldn't stop you from going for the big O?

Hello Beth and thank you for taking the time to write to Dale the Glibologist. He will be answering your questions before long.

I'd hate to make a regular practice of it but it's gotta happen sometime right Katie? You're such a weed!

I try to be funny and strive to be less glib. Does that make sense Chelene?

Tanya, I keep telling your husband to bring you along but what can I do?

Jin - more sugar, fewer dead animals. Oh, and give the husband more sugar too.

Dubious or not X. Dell, it ties in with point #2 which I believe I'm now duty bound to blog about.

Everything was going so well until you started praying to false gods there MellowLee. They'll get you you know!

Excellent Lulu. You're clearly more human than human.

Haha, that's right Old Lady. A holdover from my memories of music and being forced into singing in the school chorus thing. I can't remember the other one we had to do over and over one year.

I'm guessing your other readers and husband aren't big link clickers Jin? I hope not anyway!

Geeti Das said...

1. I've discovered your blog while blogsurfing about a month ago and
2. liked it very much, and
3. have been lurking ever since [although I don't know if that merits a separate point as it probably follows from 1 and 2]

That's about it, really. Just wanted to say hi, and thanks.

Geeti Das said...

1. I've discovered your blog while blogsurfing about a month ago and
2. liked it very much, and
3. have been lurking ever since [although I don't know if that merits a separate point as it probably follows from 1 and 2]

That's about it, really. Just wanted to say hi, and thanks.

Ben Heller said...


I am the same but my laughing starts after sex, and I have absolutely no idea why ?

I've never understood that.

#2 You really must fill us in with the details one day. I have this vision of you being taken by Madonna and Guy Ritchie now.

Dale said...

Why Geeti Das, you little lurker! I love that you've been secretly enjoying my blog. Feel free to comment anytime or just play along at home.

Now that we know more about each other's sex lives, we're a shoe in for our own Behind The Music special. He who laughs last...I do that too.

Anonymous said...

Next time I have sex, in this lifetime , I hope. I'm gonna laugh. My partner would crack up too if he knew how long its been...

You need to spill on #2 Dale, but don't make me cry.


Anonymous said...

I like that Jin posted her five in the comments, and I agree that it's somehow more private here than on our own personal blogs.

1. I never finished high school but you'd never know it because I'm painfully smart and witty, and I always say everything with such conviction that people assume I'm right (and then I punch them in the mouth if they disagree with me).

2. I had a tattoo and then I got it removed. The scar is not saggy and I can wear a bikini and it's covered up by the strap.

3. I only started enjoying coffee and coffee flavored items since 2002, when we lived in Miami, and our friends that were moving away emptied their freezer and gave me a fresh container of Haagen Dasz Coffee Ice Cream. I thought, Thanks for the garbage, creeps, and then I took a tiny spoonful, and finished the whole thing in two days.

4. I lurk on stupid mommee blogs and feel superior knowing that when I'm a 'parenter' our kid will be perfect and everyone will be amazed at how calm and relaxed I am.

5. I travel with my own pillow wherever we go (when we go on trips, not just when we go to someone's house for dinner).

Anonymous said...

seriously what is the tat of? I'll show you mine, if you show me yours!!!

Angela said...

I'm with Shroomie. I'll will also show you mine in exchange for a peek at yours.

Is it on a buttock? Here's hoping...

I will also be stealing the "5 Things" post.

Laughing during sex, how endearing. To quote Paris, "That's hot!"

Chancelucky said...

oooh...saggy tatoos are scary...

Yes, the parents gave me away for 8 months got my attention. Must be from seeing too many movies.

Dale said...

Hey Bluez, no promises on anything, ever. But I hope you laugh again soon!

I hope #4 turns out that way Tanya. Good list.

It's on my hip and is the chinese character for vigour Shroomy.

I want to see yours and Shroomy's now Angela so maybe I'll get the crop patrol to work so I don't cause any unnecessary revolt.

Hello again CL - no such thing as too many movies is there?

blog Portland said...

I know that I certainly didn't appreciate the mid-coitus laughing. Or the uncontrollable sobbing afterwards.

Monkey McWearingChaps said...

You have sex?

wonderturtle said...

Once again combining the poignant with the really freaking funny.

And thanks for opening the door for the ticklish to not feel so bad.

SlayGirl said...

"please stop and give it a go by posting on your own blog or in the comments. Or I'll sic Baby Jesus on you. Some think he has magical powers."


1. I have known Mellowlee since we were 16 and yes, she is really that cute and sweet

2. I was a rocker chick growing up and know many lyrics to songs that will pop up out of nowhere at weird times. Uh, that and comedy skits too.

3. I have laughed during sex too but that was only because my ex was SO LAME and thought he was The Man.

4. I lost 160 pounds 9 years ago (see above post) and I feel FABULOUS

Beth said...

I played, Dale.

Grant Miller said...

Baby Jesus!

Dale said...

Couldn't help it Blog Portland, one look at you and it was all over!

Yes Monkey...and it's spectacular!

My pleasure Wonderturtle, if it's not the ticklishness, it's the noises and the sounds that get me! But I don't always laugh, that would be annoying.

You do sound pretty fabulous Slaygirl, all good things, thanks for playing.

You did indeed Beth, good answers.

Yes, baby Grant Miller was at the cleaners so I went with baby Jesus.