I Don't Know How To Love Him / Her

I'm not a religious man but when jesus (with a small 'j') gets in touch, you know the end of something is nigh.

Small 'j' left a comment on a blog post I did some time ago about a trip to Las Vegas I took. It included pictures of two men dressed like Elvis.

jesus said he recently came across my blog and had been reading along. He didn't know what to say except that he enjoyed reading and would keep visiting very often. Then he signed his name Margaret with a link to a site about World of Warcraft.

While Margaret may be an all-knowing God, I'm not convinced she's an all-reading God, I'm not even on her Blogs I Follow list for Christ's sake! It could be that she reads in mysterious ways or is simply reserving full judgment for another day.

Although I went to catechism or Sunday School until I was in Grade 10, my memory of how this all works is a bit shaky. I think I just need to deny Jesus access to my blog twice more and I get a bag of gold covered chocolate coins.


Fran said...

And you share those goddam gold coins with me when you get them dammit!

Signed, Your Religious Friend or maybe I should go all lower case like jesus did and say "your religious friend."

(although I can't hold a candle to your sister Sister. *sigh*)

You're back? So am I, in a slightly different format. Come say hi - when you bring me the chocolate coins!

SkylersDad said...

Look who popped back up in my reader sidebar! Welcome back, you have been missed, and all is forgiven by bringing chocolate!! :^)

Some Guy said...

So, nothing short of a comment from Christ himself was going to get you posting again? I thought thou had forsaken us!

Good to see you're alive (or should I say "resurrected?).

Joe said...

Good to see you Dale!

I apologize for the Jesus/Margaret/Warcraft confusion, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and I figured it was the only way I could get you back blogging again.

Anonymous said...

I think possibly "jesus" is a Spanish transvestite, computer nerd, that would explain everything.

Where on EARTH have you been? I hope, having a life. :)

Doc said...

Well kill the fatted calf! The prodigal son has returned! Give him my coat of many colors and smack him on the ass for being gone so long! Then start using my rod and my staff on him, as he will find it comforting! All this time you have been lying by still waters and we have been waiting for you!

Praise Jesus, Dale is back!

There ends my biblical welcome home. I'm certain your sister could have done it better but it has been a long time since my Sunday school days as well.

I hope this means you have a few new adventures to share, with a liberal amount of your trademark snark, you rascal!

Good to hear from you old friend. Can I buy you a beer to wash down the chocolate?


BeckEye said...

Look, you can't just come back after an extended absence with a regular post. Where is the fanfare? Where are the naked pics?

Distributorcap said...

well i am so glad the passion is back...... even if jesus has a small j

Sans Pantaloons said...


Why do you move me so?
You're a man, just a man
And I've read so many men before,
Sitting naked on the floor,
You're just one more...

Anonymous said...

Holy Mother Mary, you're back. Did you win the lottery and blew it all on Twinkies? Abducted and kept in an underground bunker? Don't try to slip back all quiet like. You've got some 'splaining to do my friend.

Unknown said...

He was lost, but now is found..was saved by a wretch like jesus/Margaret/warcraft.

okay..so it's a little backward but helloooooo. you have been missed. really.

I have a couple of blogs on my follow list..but don't know how I put them there. Your link is wrong and I don't know how to correct the damned thing!

Jenny Jenny Flannery said...

Dale! Praise jesus, it's good to see you back on top of the latest updated list!

I don't know how to love him/her either!

Chancelucky said...

nice to have you back. I guess we get to thank Jesus for that. I think you get silver coins but that not for denying Jesus, it's for pointing him out to the authorities.

I do think if Jesus were to come back, he'd have a Facebook page first. Can you imagine asking to be his friend on Facebook and having him say, "No". It would really upset me.

Blanche said...

so how are you and the neighbor doing?

Blanche said...

Neighbor even! Doesn't that word look kinda weird?

I need sleep

Sid said...

Silly man. You don't want to do that. You want Jesus to be your friend. He can turn water into wine. Free booze man.

echo said...

So, where do the chocolate bunnies come into this equation???

Coaster Punchman said...

I'm trying to think up something witty to say in response to this rather amusing post, but I'm coming up dry. Forgive CP Dale, he knows not what he does.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Don't question, just go with jesus.

KK said...

Missing....were you gone?

Dale said...

Now I remember what I liked so much about blogging, the comments from the brilliant people!

Fran, I always play nice. When my loot shows up, I'll save you some.

Chocolate heals almost everything Skyler's Dad. It's the great truth I've finally learned.

I blog in mysterious ways apparently Some Guy. I'll try to be more, um, regular.

Thank you Bubs, once again, you've serviced me and everyone else. Does that sound strange?

Sorry Vegetable Assassin, no life, well, maybe a little. I just hadn't felt like it. We'll see how things go between me and the holy transvestite.

My sister's too buy downloading Steven Segal movies to help anything let alone my soul or blogging Doc so you're it. All praise Doc! Beer? Yes please.

After you Photoshop a smaller penis on my photos Beckeye, feel free to post them. You know I'm modestly oversized but hate to brag.

Thanks Distributor Cap, I'm glad to be sort of back.

Sing a song of Sans sense and I'm so happy! I knew you were naked too.

I shall explain in time Suze. Does that placate you? Or do I have to come find you on your island and tell you everything?

Look to jesus for help Melly :-)

I'm glad you're in the same boat as me Flannery.

I knew someone would point out my folly Chancelucky and I'm glad it was you. Jesus is always effing around like that. I gave my heart to him and now he never calls.

Neighbour stories on the way Blanche. They're as fine as they can be I think.

Brilliant thinking Sid, thank you. I will be more careful in future.

The bunnies come after they're strung up on crosses, turn to chocolate in 3 days and are then ripe for eating Echo!

You're on the eternal forgive list CP.

I'm already gone Barbara, if I find my way back, I'll give 'j' a call.

Nowhere in particular KK :-)

WendyB said...

"Are you there, Dale? It's me, Margaret."

Dale said...

If you'll B Margaret, I'll B Dale, Wendy B! :-)

Jill said...

I say just sell your soul to the devil!