And Bad Mistakes I've Made A Few

When Holly, my intriguing and intrepid blogger pal, told me she’d be in Toronto for a few days, we decided to get together for lunch or a drink and have a look at each other. I dusted off my raised by wolves defense in case my lack of social skills betrayed me but everything seemed to go just fine.

Holly was a lot of fun to spend time with and we had good conversation and laughs over dinner and then headed off to see the Queen musical We Will Rock You. On the walk over, we joined a gang, quit when we realized it wasn’t for us and then before you knew it, we were standing in front of the Canon theatre looking up at a 25 or so foot statue of the great Freddie Mercury on the marquee.

I’d seen this tribute to him and the show in passing but hadn’t had the chance to really see it up close. It looked more like Omar Sharif after a particularly bad night than Freddie. The legs were impossibly long and out of proportion and there were strange drapery folds on Freddie’s business area suggesting a sculpted wardrobe malfunction. And so tolled the first warning bell.

The kids in the show worked their tails off and sang their hearts out doing as much justice as they could to the snippets of songs they were given. Some had lyrics changed to fit the ‘script’ which was appalling. Peppered among the sexist and dated schtick were banal pop culture references to Britney, Avril and ‘Who Let The Dogs Out’. There was more groaning in the audience than in any of my porn films, not that I own or have ever appeared in several of them.

The staging, sets and special effects had Corky St. Clair stamped all over them although I was surprised to not find his name anywhere in the credits. This is the only time I have ever been thankful that poor Freddie wasn’t with us anymore. With the numerous re-releases and special editions of A Night At The Opera, you’d think the remaining band members would be sufficiently financially fixed to not have to abandon their souls so readily.

At intermission, I suggested to Holly that we could leave if she wanted to but she raised a good point by asking ‘but what if Act 2 is even worse and we miss it?’ We stayed and things didn’t improve much at all. Another great Holly moment arrived at the souvenir stand in the lobby where programs and t-shirts emblazoned with Queen lyrics such as 'I want to break free...' were being sold. Holly asked the person selling them if they had any boxer shorts for sale with 'Fat Bottomed Girls' on the back. The answer was no but the lady behind the counter thought it was a great idea.

Throughout the performance, I had the urge to call out to the performers to let them know just how bad the tripe was that they’d committed to. I couldn’t think of anything suitable although ‘She’s in the attic!’ did spring to mind. It refers to a fabled production of a play about Anne Frank where the performers were so bad that when the Nazis arrived at the door, someone in the audience yelled out ‘She’s in the attic’ in an attempt to end the misery.

All told, it was still a fun night and I was more than thankful to have someone along who could appreciate it in the same way I did. Thanks Holly and come again!


Jenny Jenny Flannery said...

Thank you!

mellowlee said...

Wow, another blogger meet :O) So brave to attend that musical haha. I love Holly's comment about act 2 being worse, and missing it *G* Glad you had a fun time.

Cup said...

I want some "Fat Bottom Girls" boxers for this girl's fat bottom. Holly sounds like a helluva lot of fun; send her to Atlanta.

Jill said...

Oh no!!! You rub off on her!!! Poor little thing!!
(And you don't watch Canadian Idol, even if you are a big fan of American Idol??)

Anonymous said...

Wow, Dale, I am so flattered that you thought some of my jokes were funny enough to quote! I feel like a loser because I haven't gotten around yet to posting anything about our meeting, though I did start drafting my review of the evening, which I am calling "We Will Mock You," because that's what you and I did to the entire production, because that's what it deserved. I'll let you know when I get it done.

Thanks again for a great evening!

Dale said...

You're welcome. As you know, my recently adopted policy is 'My Kingdom For a Flannery'.

Hey Mellowlee, I thought it would be a lot better than it was but Holly made it very worthwhile, we had a lot of fun.

She's a clever woman Beth, I'll tell her to call on you.

I watched a bit of it last year Jill but found it a bit boring (just like the American one).

Please mock away Holly and feel free to mention our intermission encounter with the twins I work with, gee, everything at intermission was more interesting than the show wasn't it? Your remarks were hilarious so they had to be in there. Thanks right back to you.

chelene said...

What a perfect reason not to leave a bad play during intermission! Maybe I should have stuck with that Eartha Kitt trainwreck I bailed on.

Katie Schwartz said...

tag! you're it, bitch. HA.

how fun that you met up with a blogger. I haven't done that yet, but I'm planning on it.

Joe said...

Sounds hysterical! I'm glad to hear Corky St Clair landed on his feet after "Red, White & Blaine" but I had no idea he'd moved north.

John Mutford said...

I'd say it's disappointing but, despite being a Queen fan, I didn't really have much hope for this anyway. Maybe it'll help nail the lid down on the rock opera phenomenon.

Some Guy said...

That's a shame that they've dishonored Freddy in this way. The Anne Frank bit cracked me up!

I love hearing about bloggers meeting. Glad you guys had fun despite the performance!

Old Lady said...

What a rip! Sounds like y'all had a really good time!

deadspot said...

Am I a bad person for finding "She's in the attic!" so funny?

Writeprocrastinator said...

Do you think it was just this production? Or if you were to see this in Vegas, would it be any better?

Oh, BTW, you're it

Writeprocrastinator said...

"Or not" as he clicks publish. Never mind, Katie got you first.

X. Dell said...

Who would have thought that if you take someone else's songs that it would be that difficult to do something original with them? I would hope to hear some killer Queen music, if nothing else.

I don't know what kind of jazz you might pull, under pressure, to get out of a bad night at the opera--especially, if you'd rather go to the Freakers' Ball, or spend a day at the races with your friend Mustafa. You might indicate your reluctance to go with subtle body language.

Whatever you do, don't try suicide (nobody gives a damn, anyway).

Writeprocrastinator said...

You are re-tagged, it is two seperate memes and sorry to read about your elbow.

Saviour Onassis said...

Holly told me about the trip and now that I have heard your account, it's official: I'm AS JEALOUS AS THREE BARTLEMY DOLLS IN A WICKER BASKET!

I will be traveling to that neck of the woods soon. Gird your loins....

Seriously, though. It's always nice to hear that people I dig, dig each other.

Anonymous said...

OK, Dale--my review is here, in case you're interested.

Anonymous said...

I know I shouldn't being do this--I know that often the best way to deal with ugly rumors of this type is simply to ignore them, because they always die down eventually. But there is a comment that has upset me ever since I first read it, and I find that today, I simply must defend myself.

Jill, Dale most definitely did NOT "rub off on me" at any point during our evening together. In fact, not only did he not attempt any sort of funny business, I don't think he even touched me.

I can't imagine what would have led you to this dreadful and slanderous conclusion, but I hope that in the future, you will refrain from expressing such scandalous accusations.

(And if he had tried to rub off on me, I could have handled it. I am NOT a "poor little thing.")

Dale said...

When I first read your comment Chelene, I thought you said '...trainwreck I balled on.' I'm sorry. Yes, sometimes you have to go back and see just how much worse it can get!

Hey Jew Girl. Since I can't play Nintendo for a short while, maybe I'll play tag! I am ignorantly ignoring a few I've been told to do.

I think people like Corky have to keep moving Bubs or they drown.

I'm all for any phenomenon that makes sense John M. but this one really deserves to die a grisly death.

Holly made it a very enjoyable time Chris, you should have been there but I know you're busy! Nothing cheers me up either like a good Anne Frank or Helen Keller bit!

It was a rip and a trip Old Lady.

Deadspot, you are at the very least, the best of the worst. I love that story more and wish it was my own.

It's got to be nearly as bad everywhere Write P. because it's not so much the performers as it is everything else. And yes, I am 'it'. You know it.

There's no excuse X. Dell for you being so funny. All points taken and laughed at heartily.

You keep mentioning these tags WP, I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about.

Jealousy is so pretty Saviour, at least from here. Open the basket and let yourself out and up.

Loved your take on things Holly, a real scream.

And as for Jill, she is French so forgive 'er for she know not what she do. And she won't understand a ting you say.

You don't remember my awkward hugs though? Jill, will you hold me?

Jill said...

Oups, I got somebody else mad!!
Holly, I didn't meant that he rub on you that way, but that you were starting to have some of the same ways as him!! Sorry that you misunderstood me!!
Dale, I'm not sure, because of you, people get mad at me!!(Maybe, if you don't wear that plaid suit!!)

Dale said...

I have no idea what you're saying to me right now Jill.

Jill said...

You asked to be hold!!

Dale said...

I knew what you meant but it's more fun pretending I didn't Jill.

Coaster Punchman said...

Great move with the "She's in the attic!" Can't wait to use that sometime as a non sequitur.

Dale said...

As I've said CP, it's one of my all time favourites. I encourage its use at any and all events whether appropriate or not.

Anonymous said...

I have made bad misatke with this girl i lv

Dale said...

Was the mistake taking her to We Will Rock You? That was bad!