Fake Blaze Of Glory

I once pondered whether an injury you sustained while playing a video game could be considered a sports injury. Barbara Bruederlin was kind enough to assure me that I was virtually an athlete.

A physical exam I had several years ago with my doctor brought up the fact that my heart rate seemed a bit low. My doctor posed the question ‘are you an athlete?’ to which I replied ‘Doc...you’ve seen me naked’. We both laughed, she a little longer than necessary.

I’ve never been much of a sportsman but still managed to get into trouble on the weekend. While playing Tiger Woods PGA Golf on the Nintendo Wii, I heard the crack of my club hitting the ball followed by another sound, me going arrgghowwwee (pronounced as it’s spelled) as something in my elbow gave way. I tried to keep playing but on the next swing, my cry got even harder to spell and I had to stop. I’ve decided that Tiger had me Nancy Kerrrigan’d because I was getting too good for my own, er, good.

To add insult to injury, I’ve now read that the American Medical Association is soon to vote on whether Internet and Video Game Addiction should be classified as a formal diagnosis. After the vote, the matter will go to the American Psychiatric Association to determine whether it should be called a mental disorder.

I'm waiting anxiously for the outcome as my permanent record's been a bit of a boring read lately.


Barbara Bruederlin said...

Keep up this Wii-ing and they're going to be naming the new hospital wing after you. Keep up this shameless name-dropping in your labels, and they'll be renaming the Labia Awards to Dale's Labia Awards.

Chancelucky said...

Internet addiction?

I'm going to be officially deranged I guess.

THey used to have a video game where you did cardiac surgery. You could maybe take that one up and fix your elbow.

Jenny Jenny Flannery said...

I'd like to go on disability for a video game addiction. Please?

deadspot said...

I'd like to demand accommodation under the Americans With Disabilities Act. I think my job should provide me with a shiny new PS3 to use when I get bored during work hours.

Jenny Jenny Flannery said...

I also need one 15-minute Guitar Hero break per hour.

X. Dell said...

(1) I'm actually proud of you. Most guys get terribly upset when women laugh at their nudity.

(2) Tiger's wife doesn't look like the kind that could work you over with a lead pipe.

BTW, do you think they videotaped their wedding night?

(3) I'm rooting for the addiction, so that you'll have something to brag about. Otherwise, what are you doing about your 'sports' injury?

Allison said...

And that is why I steer clear of video games. Well, the truth is I tend to forget that I don't need to move my entire body to play, and usually end up injuring someone. I'm really protecting humanity here.

Tanya Espanya said...

My name is Tanya and I have a blog addiction.

How's your Wii Wii today?

Johnny Yen said...

Hey, we've all got to have dreams, don't we?

My wife's best friend got a Wi for her son. Of course, he has trouble wresting it from her hands, or her 80+ year old father. And yeah, they've broken a lamp.

BeckEye said...

My nieces got me hooked on the Dance Dance Revolution. Unfortunately, I don't have it here so I can't play until the next time I'm back in the 'Burgh. I didn't injure any body parts last time I played, but my pride took quite a beating. It's harder than I thought. I knew I wasn't exactly Ginger Rogers, but I had no idea I was so close to being Elaine Benes.

chelene said...

What happened to the good old days when the only thing dangerous about video games were potential thumb callouses?

Cup said...

I don't have a Wii ... but I have a Wiilco T-shirt from last week's show. Does that count for cool?

Joe said...

Sorry about your elbow!

If it's any consolation, does it still count as a disease in Canada if it's only the American Medical Association that declares it so?

Mob said...

To hell with the internet addiction and the AMA, when will the Wii injuries allow you to get on some sort of disability?

No more train weirdos, no more office freaks....wait, we need you to stay in the office for the entertainment value sir, forget I said anything.

Hope you feel better soon.

Anonymous said...

Of course the only cure for internet addiction spend 24 hours looking at myspace pages...

KK said...

Used to call it "tennis elbow" - now they'll have to rename it something like "pac man syndrome"

Dale said...

I feel no shame Barbara, you raise me up but your labia does all the work.

You'll be in fine or at least equally deranged company Chancelucky. Welcome aboard, we're expecting youuuu.

No problem Flannery, I'll hook you up right after I get my case settled.

That sounds like a really sound idea Deadspot. I'd take a PS3 for all the crap I have to put up with at work, such as work.

I'm about to experience Guitar Hero on my holidays next week Flannery, I'll let you know if I can support this amendment to your earlier request.

I work hard at keeping everyone happy X. Dell so thank you for your number 1. I don't know about Tiger and the Mrs. but I taped their wedding night. I left the elbow alone and it seems much better.

You're a better person than I am Allison but the Wii was built for you, you're supposed to throw your whole body into it stopping just short of injury or damage to the television.

Soon, I'll be going wii wii wii all the way home Tanya you big addict.

A lamp sounds like they got off easy compared to some Johnny Yen.

The clouds around your persona continue to dissipate Beckeye you graceful thing you!

How do you think my thumbs got so limber Chelene?

If it was a Wiilco shirt, it'd serve both of us well Beth. Thanks for the songs! Magically delicious!

In tempering our need to declare our differences from America while begging for your protection Bubs, we'll go along with the AMA.

I guess I could still ride the train for entertainment value while pretending I'm video game disabled Mob. I'll probably play tonight to test my trick elbow.

Makes sense to me Freelance Cynic. No more boring adding up all the numbers in the phonebook for me!

I love syndromes Keith! They're just so much sexier.

X. Dell said...

I'm also thinking that perhaps the title of this post should be "Virtual Blaze of Glory."

Just a thought.

Jill said...

Get your ass in shape!! Getting hurt while playing video game?? Come on Dale!!! You should be ashame!!

Elizabeth McQuern said...

A long time ago (back in the fabled Reagan '80's), my dad, an airline pilot, checked in with his flight surgeon about some troubling stiffness in his wrists. "I get some pain and cramping when I'm holding the yoke during landings," said Dad.

"You have kids, right?" The flight surgeon asked.


"Do they play video games?" DING!

"Oh!" My dad said. "Oh..."

Yes. Hundreds of airline passengers were put in peril because Dad would come home from a trip and challenge us kids to hours of Atari's Pitfall.

Moderator said...

There was a pitcher for the 2006 Tigers that missed part of the World Series because his arm was tired from all the "Guitar Hero" he played.

Anonymous said...


Lets see how addicted you are....

Dale said...

It would have been a better title X. Dell. I really should be paying you to write these things!

I'm ashamed of many things Jill, I thrive on it.

As long as the plane wasn't swooping and swinging from those vines, I'm cool with your Dad taking on the world Bella.

See Grant? It can strike anyone at any time. The World Series? Oh man.

72% addicted to blogging Bluez, I'm not sure how addicted I am to the games though.

Coaster Punchman said...

I'm addicted to "Passion of the Dale." Mainly because you don't have horse teeth.

Old Lady said...

Just think of all the lives that have been saved by people turning their anger and perversions to the internet. Computer games and the internet should be prescribed by doctors for R&R!

Dale said...

My teeth are delicate like those of a finely crafted Marie Osmond doll CP.

An interesting observation Old Lady but if we could just keep the perves from hooking up, things'd be a whole lot better.