Take A Hike

I've finally figured something out.

To get personal and intimate for a moment if I may, the inseam of my pants is 32 and has been for a long time.

A few weeks ago, I bought some new pants. As you can surely tell, mine is a life lived at breakneck speeds.

I bought 2 different pairs of pants. They were of 2 styles, 2 manufacturers, and no doubt, 2 different kids worked on them.

Being an off the rack kind of guy, I never try anything on at the store. Once home, I decided to try and figure out which hat would go best and so I slipped a pair on.

I noticed shortly after tripping that the length on these babies seemed overly long. Strange. The tag has my usual coordinates printed right there.

I decide it's an aberration. One of the kids was distracted while sewing that day.

The next pair, the same thing. Plus none of the hats were working for me either.

Could I be shrinking? When was the last time I bought pants? I can't remember. Nor can I remember ever hearing that your leg length is the first to go.

Recognizing in myself an element of laziness, I am not schlepping back to the store. I'm keeping them. They're not that long.

This leads me to the learning.

Like most humans, I hate change. As I continue to shrink and refuse to reevaluate my leg length, I will keep buying the same size and keep hiking my pants up to the point that I turn into one of those old men who has a belt just below his chest.

I could never figure out why this whole man pants thing existed. Now I know and I'm a more accepting person.

Today I think I'll shop for a nice comfy walking shoe.


gizmorox said...

Finally, awkward sizing moves to men's clothes! My dearest wish is that men could understand what it's like to have three items labeled same size turn out to be not the same size at all. And you could always just hem them. Keep your belt where it is :)

Reese said...

Dude, just get them hemmed. It's fun getting clothes hemmed, cause foreign people have to feel you up.

Dale said...

Reese Reese Reese. I hate myself for not thinking of that. I am heading out immediately to get felt up. I forgot about the good parts. In life. And in pants.

chelene said...

Don't go gently into that good night, dale. All you need is a medieval rack and a little patience.

justacoolcat said...

Now that the Canadian dollar has caught up with the US dollar you'll find it's much cheaper to purchase a truck load of immigrants to make your clothes. In your case I highly recommend Italians or fresh batch of Newfies.

Reese said...

Adults, though. Kids can't sew worth a damn, no matter how much you beat them.

Dale said...

Gizmorox - I hereby grant your dearest wish. Depending on who's making it, there's a size issue, be it pants, shoes, whatever. I notice this more and more. I blame the kids.

Chelene - I knew you'd give me more good ideas. I ain't going nowhere gently! Not while there's hemming (no hawing), feeling up, racks and potential smuggling to get keep me occupied.

Coolcat - Brilliant idea. I have save a little more than a dollar just in case. I'll take a truckload of the Eyetalians and I'll get back to you on the Newfies. They're usually too hopped up on the screech to be of a lot of use.

Dale said...

Reese - They're all ingrates.

Robert said...

Dale, it's not your legs; it's the pants. You've got to get wiggedy wiggedy whack in the 3M!

Dale said...

Hmm, how am I going to translate that? Anyone? Robert?