7/14/2006

Drama In Real Life: Keeping Your Guard Up

I was at work one warm summer day. Looking back, I can’t say that there was anything much different that day except perhaps my happy focus on the Choco-Chiller drink I’d just bought from a local purveyor of fine beverages.

I was on my way back to work and got into an elevator. The doors started to close and I was ready for the long lonely rise to the top.

Just then, I saw someone approaching the elevator and being a decent sort, I waved my arm between the doors to stop them from closing. Nobody could have predicted what was to happen next.

It worked. My waving my arm between the doors worked so well that the doors stopped dead in their tracks and remained stuck a few inches ajar. I was trapped!

The stuck doors caused an alarm to sound. This woke the slumbering and never vigilant lobby security officer who ambled over to assess the situation. He could see me through the space in the doors.

You okay in there?
Yes.
You sure?
Yes.
You're not feeling panic or anything are you?
Slurp. I sought solace in my icy drink.

A second security officer arrived on the scene.

Sir, are you alright in there?
Yes.
Did you try pushing the open door button?
Yes.
Okay sir, I need you to try that again.
Okay. Slurp.

Nothing happened. They turned around and conferred for a few seconds. Sleepy turned around and said we're going to call for elevator maintenance. They started to walk away.

I set my chiller down and pried the doors apart. I picked my chiller up and got in the other elevator and went back to work.

I hope that by telling my story, I can help you avoid the same trauma I felt. I beseech you, never drink a Choco-Chiller too fast. It will freeze the fuck out of your brain and make your face hurt.

18 comments:

Berry said...

Wait... is this a federal office building? Because those guys sound like public servants. I'm thinking you should probably have filled out the proper requisition forms before prying the doors open. You might have sent our entire government into a tailspin. Again.

mellowlee said...

LOL! Thanks for posting that this morning Dale! You are priceless! btw wtf is a Choco chiller? It sounds goooood!

Saviour Onassis said...

Yes, there must be Choco-Chillers for everyone!

If I am ever trapped in a small space, I will remember this inspirational story and try my best to emulate your cool, calm demeanor.

Gosh, Dale! How did I survive before I met you?
Slurp.

justacoolcat said...

Was the space large enough to slide a pizza through? I would have ordered lunch. I eat when I'm stressed.

Beth said...

Why, you're Batman! Opening doors of steel with your bare arms. What's in that Choco-Chiller of which you speak?

Dale said...

Wouldn't take much to send them into a spin would it Berry? It was not a federal building but it's just as efficiently run and staffed.

Glad you enjoyed Lee. I think I just shortened the name of the icy chocolately concoction. I got it at Second Cup. I got another one today with the goal of gaining several hundred pounds before the weekend.

Dale said...

You say cool, calm Saviour, I say aloof and thirsty. I find it hard to picture your life before me too.

You must eat fast Coolcat! Is your pizza joint a 30 seconds or it's free joint?

Batman is only one of my personas Beth. You wouldn't believe the number of people living in my head. And arms. And in the chillers.

mellowlee said...

Nummers! I see they have skinny choco coolers. I didn't know we had Second Cup in Vancouver, but apparently we do! (three in fact) Guess where I'm going tomorrow.

justacoolcat said...

Did someone say "free joint"?

Beth said...

Let them out, Dale! You could start a blog for each personality ...

Dale said...

Go on the hunt MLee, you'll enjoy. Make them put whipped cream on top too.

The joint's always jumpin' but free to you Coolcat.

Oh Beth! I can barely keep up with reading all the great blogs out there and thinking of items to put on this one. Although, maybe if I did split them up, it wouldn't be so noisy in here.

X. Dell said...

Choco-Chiller apparently gives you the strength to muscle apart elevator doors and the brainpower to tolerate slow security.

Old Lady said...

Uh-oh, you broke it!!!! I'm tellin' Daddy!

anne altman said...

if you hold the door for everyone, nobody gets anywhere. lesson learned. i like it.

Shroom-Monkey said...

stop lying Dale- you know they found lying in the fetal position sucking your thumb. Prying open the doors with your own hands- that is malarky... I think your Choco Chiller killed too many brain cells- what you spike that with?

Dale said...

It's a matter of anything that keeps me from work X. Dell, I'm all for. The freakish strength was there all along.

I'll give you a quarter if you don't say nuthin' O.L.

That's a brilliant point Anne. Chivalry may officially die if I remember it.

Shroom - How do you see so deeply into my soul and know all my secrets? Yes, you are wise but it's wisdom born of pain. I spiked it with Shrooms. And then I curled up.

Shroom-Monkey said...

I see you Dale- I see you!

Dale said...

I know. I know.