7/10/2006

What's The Matter Here?

Once again I’ve been beaten to it by the good people at Coaster Punchman’s World.

Spurred by a post done by Old Lady on the issue of spanking came the hilarious commentary and a suggestion for returning corporal punishment back to where it belongs – in school.

Corporal Punishment, Coaster Punchman, same initials. Coincidence? Probably.

There were some pretty freaky and violent teachers in charge when I was in junior and senior high school. But just in case I dreamed the whole thing, I got corroboration from my two nearest in age siblings while reminiscing last week.

Our art teacher used to hit people with a broom if they acted out, soft brush side for minor infractions, hard wooden end for bigger crimes. So, I suppose, some of us suffered for his art.

The math teacher had a yard stick that he introduced to each new class at the beginning of the year. It had a name. For emphasis at times he would slam it down on someone’s desk and get everyone’s undivided attention. He eventually broke it over someone’s back and had to get a new yardstick.

History repeats itself. A lot. Both teachers of this subject were stoned most of the time and let us cheat if we wanted to by leaving the room frequently. Plus we could supply them with pot for better marks.

One of the other teachers (can’t remember the subject) would take you outside the classroom and slam you into lockers repeatedly yelling Why? Why? Why? if you showed up homework unfinished or dog eaten.

How did they get away with this stuff? Where were our parents? We’re not sure but we think they were probably home thanking their lucky stars they didn’t have to do anything more than feed us and lock us out from time to time.

The teachers were definitely on to something though. That fear took me to dizzying heights of straight C’s and D’s during most of my academic career.

Oh those lazy, hazy crazy days of after school, you’re dead, notes and whispers of pass it on and lurning. Don’t miss it one bit.




18 comments:

Coaster Punchman said...

"Where were our parents? We’re not sure but we think they were probably home thanking their lucky stars they didn’t have to do anything more than feed us and lock us out from time to time."

Dale, that is poetic. I could not have said it better myself. If I were a parent, I would gladly delegate my child beating duties to little Johnny's teachers. Sure, he may run across a few sadists before he's 18, but the sooner he realizes everyone is not nice, the better.

And I bet you didn't have any severe disorder in your school, did you? I say, let the teachers have a crack at 'em. They can get hugs & kisses at home.

lulu said...

Corporal Punishment is still legal in about half of the states, all of them in the south (and I am guessing, all of them red)

I can't even imagine spanking a student, although I do throw a mean erasure, and I have been known to do the back of the head finger-twapt, or motion a student to come closer and closer and then give them an affectionate smack upside the head. However, I would never, ever do that with to a student I was actually angry with, or one I didn't have a good relationship with, as they would either sue me or slash my tires.

Old Lady said...

Dale, I had a sixth grade teacher that slapped her students up-side the head with the flat of her hand. They promoted her to principal.

mellowlee said...

Scary! My grade 5 teacher was notorious for breaking pointers over student's desks. I used to think that is what pointers were for. WACK! CRACK! Shrapnel flew. His face would turn beet red. It used to scare the daylights out of me. Every once and a while he would go totally flippo labonzo, and pick a kid up, desk and all and toss them. What a freak. I wonder if he was on steroids....

Bre said...

I won't lie, every once in a while I have a student I just want to shake some sense into, but though I may consider it, I would never actually do it! How would it possibly be OK for me to touch someone else's children? I'm quite glad those situations won't be ones for my children to face!

X. Dell said...

The good old days: they were awful.

I'm sure that corporal punishment taught children a lot of valuable lessons, the most import of which is that if you are bigger and stronger you can act violently towards someone smaller and weaker and get away with it. If the state sanctions the violence, all the better for the victim has no legal recourse at all.

You apparently had different parents than I, for both of mine believed in corporal punishment. No matter how unjustly I might have been punished at school, I'd be punished at home. So to answer you questions, some of our parents were standing in queue behind the teacher to teach us a similar lesson.

I'm happy to see, howver, that you survived, Dale.

Berry said...

A large male gym teacher once kicked me in the behind for refusing to climb the ceiling rope (I couldn't do it... knew I couldn't do it... and didn't care to try again).

So I kicked him back. I was 12.

I was sent to see the school psychologist for several sessions. For defending myself. Against a large man. A large man kicking a small girl.

My dad was furious and backed me up 100%. Told me next time, go for the nuts. What a guy he was! LOL

Dale said...

Because you said I was poetic, you win my hero of the day Coaster Punchman. Your prize is that you get to make out with the teacher of your choice. Watch out for that yardstick!

Lulu - Hello. Your comment shows you to be most sensible and appropriately violent and not out of control so I'm guessing you're not the French teacher who threw the chalk at me.

She made Principal huh Old Lady? My Grade 6 teacher actually read stories to us and wore a wig which I asked her about in front of the class. She laughed, admitted it and we all moved on. Why couldn't she have taught us all?

Sounds like we went to the same school there Mellowlee. Barrel of Freaks eh?

Good thinking there Bre. Unless you're waiting to take all that aggression out on your own kids. Kidding.

Although my parents were nuts for many different reasons X-Dell, I'm glad they didn't subscribe to the same school of thought yours did. I'm happy to see we all survived.

Wow, quite a story Berry. Your dad sounds like the most sane man on the planet so far. How incredible that you had to go to the psychologist.

Shroom-Monkey said...

What I like being spanked... Is that wrong?

Dale said...

It's human nature Shroom-Monkey. You know, from your post about what's her face.

Beth said...

In the second grade, I got paddled in front of the class for talking. I was so embarrassed, I didn't admit it to anyone until my junior year in high school, when I discovered that being bad was good.

Creepy said...

In 2nd grade the principal gave me 2 good whackings with a sinister wooden paddle nicknamed the 'board of education. My crime: crawling underneath desks while all the other kids were on the other side of the classroom watching some education film. I figured if I told my folks I would get punished by them as well so I kept it a secret. In hindsight, they probably would have been pissed and raised hell. I certainly wouldn't want someone else taking an unforgiving wooden paddle to my child's rear end.

Dale said...

Glad I didn't go to either of your schools Beth & Creepy. But at least you turned out with some mad writing skills!

Bored Dominatrix said...

I hated high school. Oh, and elementary school too. No one hit me but it was boring, hateful and a waste of my time.

The only thing worse than being in high school was teaching it. I used to cry as I walked into the building. Thank god I only had to do that for a year.

Coaster Punchman said...

BD, maybe school was boring BECAUSE no one hit you. Ever think of it that way? See, corporal punishment can do so much more than just restore order in our schools!

Dale said...

If anyone should know hitting is fun, shouldn't it be you BD?

CP, well goes without saying that you're all for it. You were a punch man from the start.

Creepy said...

You would think Bored Dominatrix would have stayed in teaching, what with the rulers, paddles and such. My paddling would have gone over better had she been at the helm, rather than the crusty, old fella who gave it to me.

Dale said...

I'm pretty sure BD isn't crusty Creepy so it's a fair bet you would have enjoyed it more. Plus she's so friggin' smart to boot.