Rona Morgenstern

Yesterday I went to Home Depot because they had something I wanted, specifically, carpeting. All I needed was enough to say, roll a body in.

The place was teeming with life forms the way Home Depot always is.

What is it about seeing orange aproned staff standing around counting screws, speaking authoritatively about power tools and helping people find ways to repair their broken dreams that makes me shiver? I put on a sweater and made my way to the flooring section.

There, one employee was filling out paperwork and talking to a customer. I intruded as politely as possible asked if there was anyone else who could help me as the carpet needed to be cut from a roll. He told me that he was working alone and if I could wait 20 minutes or so, he’d be glad to help me.

Not being blessed with an abundance of patience, I knew I’d have trouble waiting that long. Just then, as though he knew my blog post needed a snake, I spied another staffer slithering by. Eating an apple.

I begged him to help me and even offered to help him figure out how the measuring tape hanging from his belt worked if required.

He stared at me blankly for a moment and said Nope, gotta talk to that guy over there, he’s the only one who can do it. With that, he continued on his way shedding his cares and rankling my core. The Depot is not my friend.

On my way out, I remembered that there’s a Rona store about a 20 minute drive away. A little inconvenient but I knew they’d have the same general merchandise. So I went.

I could hear music coming from the store after the chariot was parked. As I neared the entrance, I could make out a few lyrics. It was a song written exclusively for me featuring all the things that make me happy. Nice touch Rona!

Once inside, I was handed a cone filled with ice cream in your favourite flavour and eased into a comfortable chair. Well groomed and intentioned staff gently strummed small harps they’d tuck back under their wings when they weren’t offering me appetizers and incredible savings.

A carpet sample was unfurled in just the dimensions and style I needed and after nodding my approval it was rolled up and brought to my vehicle. They urged me to stay but I couldn't. I had unfinished business to tend to but promised to come back soon.

They made me feel special and loved and less like a criminal than I had a right to feel.

I heart you Rona.


Berry said...

I love Rona! I don't even own a home, but sometimes I like to wander around the store pretending I do, just because I love the store that much.

By the way... nice nod to Valerie Harper there. (Sing with me!: Na-na-na-naaaa-na, Na-na-na-na.... Na-na-na-naaaaaa-na, nuh-na-nuh-na-nuh-na).

Coaster Punchman said...

Trader Joe's is to grocery shoppers what Rona must be to home renovators. Not sure you have those up north yet. You should. Everyone needs Trader Joe's.

justacoolcat said...

We have a Menards that is much like your Ronas. Home Depot is over priced, though my experience has been the people are eerily to friendly.

X. Dell said...

Rona's sounds soooo 20th Century. Who do they think they are teating customers like well , customers.

I have to laugh at the way some retail chains treat you as if they really don't want your money. It as though they'd have a nice, orderly store if it weren't for those damn consumers.

Ofteentimes, however, employes only reflect company policy.

Dale said...

Rona's pretty damned fine you're right Berry. And Joe would have loved it too. You know, Rhoda's husband.

Coaster - I don't think we have Trader Joe's but I'll look for one next time someone pisses me off at Dominion.

Worse than a surly or disinterested employee is the too friendly one Coolcat. They scare me the most.

I have to laugh at the way some retail chains treat you as if they really don't want your money. It as though they'd have a nice, orderly store if it weren't for those damn consumers.

Well said X-Dell. I'm going to throw that in their faces next time I run into a problem. It'll sound something like X-Dell has to laugh at the way you don't want his money... or maybe I'll work on that a little

X. Dell said...

Believe it or not, Dale, that actually works in the US, and in some parts of Guam. I don't think it will ddo you any good up in Canada, though.

Dale said...

I'll try it out and see how it goes X.