Fit To Be Tide

I can’t remember the name of the song right now but it’s a Ruth Brown tune. In the middle of it, while the music continues, she starts talking. Mostly about how tired she is. One line always cracks me up -- she says I’m tide, T-I-D-E, tide. Ruth’s got some real gems in her repertoire.

This morning at work, someone stopped by my desk. It's casual day on Friday here and as you'd expect, a lot of people take a great deal of liberty with the concept. I still feel a modicum of fear that others will not find me at my most presentable. I had on some decent blue jeans, these shoes, and a white cotton long sleeved shirt.

A coworker, filling out his track suit in ways the manufacturer surely never intended, came over to ask a question and seemed surprised like I don’t look like a million bucks every day. Why are you all dolled up? I told him I didn’t know what he meant. He said that’s a white shirt, pretty fancy. Yes, and you’re nearly as bright as my shirt. I replied I guess I hadn’t thought of it like that. Trying to get all of your white in before Labour Day huh? Is it any wonder I’m often dumbfounded? He waddled off eventually which I thought was rather nice.

When I’m not telling people to suck it or go fuck themselves, I’m generally known to have good manners. At lunch today, I had decided on pizza which was very tasty. Halfway through eating, I felt my face flush with embarrassment. Jennifer and I are sitting there yakking away when I realized I had forgotten to introduce the pizza to the front of my white shirt. How could I you ask? Well, imagine my horror at this faux pas. I promptly introduced them and as you’d expect they got on like a house on fire.

The concourse we were in is the type that has several stores you might never purposely find yourself in but it does have a pharmacy. (I’m aware that most women think of a drugstore as a little bit of heaven but I just like them because they’re useful and they give Air Miles). So, we stopped in at the pharmacy and got one of those bleach pens to see how it would work. Jennifer assured me they were grrrreat!

We sat on a bench across from a clothing store, and she proceeded to demonstrate how it worked* and then I took over. Although I hated to break up the new friends so soon, I put the pen to work at once. While dabbing, I looked up to find 2 cashiers and 2 customers in the store across from our bench pointing and chuckling in my general direction.

One of them mouthed So does it work? I stood up and called out proudly I love my bleach pen! It works like a dream! And best of all, it’s reasonably priced! They laughed, we laughed, passersby ignored us and I sat back down. After all this activity at lunch and now back at my desk, all I can say is now I’m T-I-D-E too. Every day is Labour Day around these parts.




*These directions sound as though they might work on more than one thing:
Press tip several times to release solution. Rub tip gently. When necessary, add more liquid and continue to rub gently. Wipe with damp cloth or napkin to remove excess solution left on fabric.