Picnic Anyone?

Soon after bravely and proudly presenting my 'no cold cuts please' position, I was filled with misgivings. At the risk of relinquishing any remaining dignity or credibility I may possess, I have to confess something.

For many years with great zeal, though I was young, I enjoyed eating 'Meat, Macaroni and Cheese Loaf'. *

As I gazed upon the Q-Tips and cheese bits that dot the landscape of this fine product, I realized with more than a little dread that the Best Before date has a month and day assigned but there seems to be no requirement for a year. Oh my.

While in this confessional mode of mind, may I please add to the list of weirdohole things about me one more item?

The smell of canned cat food is something I find most repugnant, yet each time I open one for little Rizzo, I am compelled to smell it. As the urge to vomit begins to pass, I adopt my slightly shrill but still sweet talking to cat voice and encourage her to enjoy what surely will be the finest canned Turducken she has ever tasted.

Now if you'll excuse me, I must get a snack before readying myself for the opera tonight.

*Many thanks to Esther for her comment about eating 'olive loaf' in the previous post which inspired me.


Dr Zibbs said...

I dare you to use those cold cuts to make a huge hogie then eat it while you're at the opera.

Some Guy said...

That stuff looks frightening.

Oh, and I'm with you on the canned cat food smell. Nas-TEE!

Me. Here. Right now. said...

I cooked something that had been in the freezer since a year ago. I tossed it and started over after I tasted it - can't imagine on the loaf.

Braunschweiger, now that's for me.

Anonymous said...

turducken? dear lord. I wondered why my nightmares seemed so empty and colorless--now I know it's because I'd never heard of turducken.

Cormac Brown said...

Uh, where does the "macaroni" come in?

I used to love olive loaf as a kid, as well as liverwurst...and I can't tell you why for the life of me.

AC'63 said...

eewwww!!! .. that stuff was as bad as the headcheese that my Grandma eat. Yuck

Mob said...

That looks like the greasiest sort of (for lack of a better term) 'meat' you could make a sandwich with; my stomach just rolled slightly in abject horror at the idea of dealing with such a meal.

I've missed coming by here.

Doc said...

Mac & cheese loaf? I have never heard of such a thing. I have seen bologna with cheese, bologna with pickles and pimentos, and hot dogs filled with chili, but never macaroni.

You Canadians have all the cool exotic food, right down to potato chips flavored with catsup.

I just want to find out why french fries smothered in gravy have never caught on in the U.S. of A., or why you can't get vinegar at McDonalds.

Enjoy the opera Dale.


Allison said...

Mmmm. So glad to have read this right before lunch. ;)

Dread Pirate Jessica said...

Give my love to Pynkoski, if you're unfortunate to get one of the speeches before the Atelier prettiness. And by 'give him my love', I mean flip him a bird until he stops talking, gets the fuck offstage and lets the show start. Turn up the opera, turn down the suck.

I'm going to The Bat in Amsterdam for my birthday - very excited! http://www.hetmuziektheater.nl/english/agenda/

Fran said...

Canned cat food is bad for your brain. If you smell it too much... anyway, it could make your meat-o-matic cold cuts taste better.

Eeew and ick.

Anonymous said...

Looks like moldy bologna to me.

That's some nasty shit full of toxins and micro-orgainisims that will surely give you cancer in your later years. I still have nightmares over the pickel and pimento mystery meat my mom used to serve us.

BeckEye said...

I would fellate Carrot Top before putting that nasty shit in my mouth.

gennifer6 said...

The smell of cat food makes you sick and you won't eat plain old cold cuts, but you'll eat that garbage? Now you REALLY have no excuse. I'm tellin' ya, go to a deli and buy fresh cold cuts and you'll be converted. Just promise you'll never again eat whateverthefuck that is...ugh.

Beckeye, again, more reason I appreciate what you write.

lulu said...

The pasta part looks weird, but my brother and I used to love "Ham and Cheese" loaf, which was pretty much the same thing. mmmmmmmmmm tasty

Phronk said...

I love this stuff. I recently discovered "pizza loaf", which is cheese and other pizza toppings smooshed into "meat" like this. Delicious.

Anonymous said...

My gramma used to eat head cheese.


That's what I thought.

Johnny Yen said...

I confess I love cold cuts. Back before I discovered I have celiac (an autoimmune disease set off by wheat gluten), I pretty much lived on sandwiches. I converted years ago to low-fat turkey cold cuts. I still treat myself to expensive non-gluten bread sandwiches occasionally.

I loved olive loaf when I was a kid. Frightening.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

There sure are a lot of sick fuckers who work in the cold cut industry, aren't there? Do they give bonuses for coming up with the most disgusting combinations that people will still actually buy?

Coaster Punchman said...

We're overdue for some updated Rizzo pics. I'm catless while I wait for PG.

How was the opera?

Cold cuts have their place. Try dieting obsessively for 2 months, avoiding all carbs and as much fat as possible, then come home hungry and eat 1/2 a package of them with bits of cream cheese thrown in the middle for good measure. Then spend the next day in the hospital being evaluated for a possible heart attack. Not that I have any experience with any of this, it just sounded like a fun story.

Dale said...

If only I'd received your dare a bit earlier Dr. Zibbs! I still would have pretended not to have gotten it in time.

Doesn't it look insane Chris? It's nasty but I smell it.

Oh Lori, I looked up the Braunschweiger and I don't know if I could do it. Although I like pate so what's with that? I dunno, I'm all conflicted now.

Oh how I laughed Holly at your comment. I'm here to educate and horrify.

It's those Q-Tip looking bits of white there Cormac, doesn't it look so tasty? I liked olive loaf too, thankfully, we're both still here.

Oh AC! Why did you have to say that? I'd practically forgotten all about that nastiness.

I'm here for all your stomach rolling needs Mob! Come for lunch sometime.

Why must your country continue to be so second class when it comes to these culinary delights is beyond me Doc! The opera was brilliant, thank you!

Sorry Allison, I truly am.

I'm excited for you Mistress, that sounds excellent! The opera was sublime but alas, I was forced to endure the gasbagginess of the Pynkoski chat pre-show, dreadful and annoying. Hey Marshall - you don't need to sell me on a show I've already paid to see, you shouldn't give away plot points since I don't know the story but you may just generally fuck off!

For New Year's I was thinking of rolling cat food inside sliced meats and securing them with a toothpick. You're coming right Fran?

Nasty shit about sums it up Bluez. I ate all this crap as though it was fancy when I was a kid, now I just stay drunk!

Come on Beckeye, you'd do that anyway! You know what you're like!

Genn6, it was long long ago, I wouldn't go near it now!! Now I feel bad about insinuating that about Beckeye just now.

I'm glad you said 'used to love' Lulu!

I was planning to have you for dinner Phronk but now I'm having pizza loaf instead!

I dare not click the link Franki, I know where it could lead.

That's a tough one Johnny, bread is so damned good. What were our parents thinking letting us eat this garbage?

Someone had to have gotten the biggest bonus of the decade for this shit Barbara! You're just jealous.

Rizzo says Hi CP. I hope George is sending you periodic shots of your babies. Thanks for the 'fun' suggestion too, I'll keep a journal of how it all goes. The opera was just brilliant, baroque Mozart with the Tafelmusik orchestra - sublime. Set in Turkey, sung in German and the dialogue in English, a non Italian Italian style opera comeddia del'arte.

michaelg said...

I used to beg my mother to buy a similar cold-cut product that was just ham and cheese. My ritual was to poke the cheese out of the meat with my tongue, then eat the ham. Mmmmmmm.

Confession: I ate a kibble of dog food on Monday. It was new and the dogs didn't seem to like it. I know why.

Anonymous said...

Awesome post.

Dale said...

Could there be a juicier comment than one about dry dog food MichaelG? I think not. Thank you for describing your ritual in detail as well. Ewwww and hahahaha.

Tina, have you been in the catnip again?!

Gifted Typist said...

I bet you also liked that green jelly with vegetable matter suspended in it.

Leonesse said...

I do like fried spam. Or did when I was 10. Geez, it's been awhile.

the princess said...

ewwww dale, yucky.

yep, cat food is a super nasty smell. i stick to the dry stuff only for my kitty cat.

justacoolcat said...

Who needs a year? Time stops in the land of 'Meat, Macaroni and Cheese Loaf'

Esther said...

Thanks so much Dale! I always wanted to be someone's inspiration. Another mission accomplished!

Dale said...

Is it aspic you're talking about there GT? It's some pretty scary looking stuff, no thanks.

Never had the pleasure of the fried Spam Leonesse but it sounds enchanting.

Glad I could provide the yucky so you don't have to Princess!

Time stops and so can your heart at the sight of this meatsterpiece, Justacoolcat.

So are we destined to be a new Laverne and Shirley now Esther?