On The Skids

My pal Vicky left me a message the other day and the call was coming from inside the sexy bastion of bulk known as Costco. While meandering through, she began to realize just how much being inside a Costco was like spending time (and money) at a casino.

There are no windows or clocks so you never know what time of day it is, the people wander about in varying stages of decay, some in their Sunday best while others favour buffet pants as they flirt with the food sample presenters. There are high stakes involved in figuring out which gamble will provide the biggest payout - the case of Vaseline Intensive Care or that sexy skid of hammers.

She kept me laughing for a good couple of minutes and I went back to work. Thankfully, a follow up message pulled me away from work again.

Having cut her losses after ponying up a couple of hundred bucks, she came to the realization that like a casino, at Costco 'the house always wins'.

The next time I need a 3 minute routine on anything, she'll be my first call. I hope she picks up.


Les Becker said...

Damn, and we have NO Costco in this freaking town...

I love the casino - not for gambling, but for the bells, and lights, and, yeah, for the varying stages of decay... something tells me it's cheaper for me to just lurk in the casino and stay out of the big box stores.

Some Guy said...

I've never been to a Costco, but do they serve free alcohol like the casinos? If so, I think I see a way to beat the house (provided you leave without buying anything).

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I went to Costco twice. The first time I spent $300 and still had to stop to buy groceries on the way home.

You would think that I would have learned from that, but no. I went again and this time did buy groceries but the remnants of that 5 lb bag of broccoli florets are still rotting in my composter. Not even the most militant vegan can eat 5 lbs of broccoli.

katrocket said...

It's so true! I'm not allowed to shop at Costco due to my addictive personality. I'm addicted to buying crap I don't need.

Fran said...


Size does matter, doesn't it?

Double down on the Vaseline!!

Blanche said...

Yeah well I went one time and one time only. I went in for groceries and walked out with a freaking television.

WendyB said...

My sister calls Costco her "happy place."

Helene said...

lol to FranIam!
I, am not addicted to Costcos... I;m not! really! ok, maybe a little...

Cormac Brown said...

Maybe Costco needs to introduce bells and flashing lights.

Cormac Brown said...

BTW, I liken Costco in San Francisco more to a hockey game than a casion, because you better keep your head on a swivel or you'll get checked into the glass. People come into the store here just to eat and God help you if you get between them and the food samples.

Coaster Punchman said...

Can we borrow Vicky to speak at Mama Gin's funeral?

Tanya Espanya said...

Is this MY Vicky?

I love Costco, I don't care what anyone says.

Sometimes I make Patty come with me and we'll share a skid of romaine hearts.

I think that's the trick, though. Buy to share.

Anonymous said...

I always get pouty at the door nazi who wants you to prove you have a card. I don't get why you even NEED a card really, surely you'd make more money if you didn't have to pay and subsidizing wouldn't be necessary? I always frown at the door nazi and sulk. Also, sometimes you NEED bags. I'm just saying.

the princess said...

it's impossible to go into Costco and spend only *a bit* of money. :)

it's overwhelming, don't you find? it's really much like a casino at that.

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