She's Got Eggs

I work in a fairly large office where people always seem to be talking about who's pregnant or who wants to be and the general benefits of avoiding work and being paid for it.

On occasion, I've heard people make the rather large mistake of asking "When are you due?!" to someone who has to tell them they're not pregnant and then it's horror all around.

I'm terrible at guessing games and so, avoid asking questions at all. I find it much much more direct to say "Wow, you're really packing on the weight!" and keep moving.


PJ said...

We had a pregnant girl at my last workplace - she loved the extra boobage but hated the weight gain.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

You sure know how to make friends and leave a lasting impression everywhere you go, Dale.

SkylersDad said...

Ouch Dale! I once asked a friend I had not seen for quite awhile when she was due, she replied "I had it 6 months ago".

You just don't recover from that...

Dale said...

The worst is when you adopt and still can't lose the baby weight PJ.

It's more of a fleeting impression Barbara, I'm always on the run!

That's a huge ouch Skyler's Dad, very tricky dismount required.

Joe said...

Thank you for giving us a perfect solution to those awkward moments Dale.

BeckEye said...

That's why I love you, Dale. You're such a smooth talker.

Me. Here. Right now. said...

I find the indirect method much better. Feign shock when she's off work for four months after the baby is born. Or ask if she's called Guinness because that has to be the longest pregnancy on record.

Fran said...

I am not a small woman and at one time was much larger.

At that time, when I was much more emotionally brittle as well and rather plagued with what I will call unresolved anger issues, a rather obnoxious woman came up to me and said "when are you due?"

I said in my most brittle-angry-large-woman-screech - "I'm not pregnant you moron, I am just fat."

She blanched, I stomped away.

You should reconsider your hit and run moves.

Cormac Brown said...

"Wow, you're really packing on the weight!"

Which is inevitably followed by, "do you mind slapping me on right cheek, my left is quite cheek is quite sore from everybody slapping that one."

glassmeow said...

Yeah...thanks for putting ZZ Top into my head. Now would you please get them to leave? :)

Les Becker said...

ROTFL!! You came through with my laugh of the day, Dale, thank you. I need laughs right now.

Cap'n Ergo "XL+II" Jinglebollocks said...

I like to pat my gut and tell folken I'm due in late July.

Coaster Punchman said...

I thought by this time everyone knew the cardinal rule: you do not comment on a woman's pregnancy, no matter how apparent, unless you see the baby coming out of her vagina. Until then, it is just too dangerous to assume anything.

Anonymous said...

Now that made me laugh really hard.

Dale said...

You're welcome Bubs, I also teach classes on how to run really really fast!

Thanks Beckeye, I think it of me too!

That's a good strategy too Lori, I may try it out next time.

I refuse to reconsider Fran. That said, I'm not actually ridiculous enough to say something like that to someone. Or am I? I like the idea of someone blanching, it just sounds so good.

You're telling me I should turn the other cheek then Cormac?

Sorry GlassMeow, I think you have to infect someone else with it for it to go away.

Glad to help Les.

Or, you could tell people you're in your fourth trimester just to see the reaction Cap'n.

That's (ultra)sound advice Coaster Punchman.

Suze laughed and I helped!

X. Dell said...

I hope you're moving along very fast, after a remark like that. You don't want that right hook anywhere near your eye or jawbone.

Dale said...

I'm fleet of foot X. Dell, you have to be when you're as big a moron as I am.

Anonymous said...

The rule of thumb is never to say anything to a woman about pregnancy unless she specifically tells you she is pregnant. Unless you want to be impaled with the nearest sharp object.

WendyB said...

Years ago, a woman I worked with was most likely pregnant but she didn't say anything so I didn't either. Finally she told me and I said congratulations. She said, "I'm surprised you didn't comment on it before." And I said, "Oh, I thought you were just getting fat."

Dr Zibbs said...

Yeah. That's always the safe thing to do.

Dale said...

Who doesn't love a good impaling Anonymous? Isn't that how most pregnancies begin?

Did you ever know that you're my hero(ine) Wendy B? You must, I've told you so several times. I think.

An endorsement from Dr. Zibbs doesn't come around often so thank you good Doctor.

Tanya Espanya said...

I was going to do a post about the following, but this is easier...

On our latest cruise, we met up with a cute fellow-Canadian couple.

The lady rubbed my belly, WITH HER HANDS, and asked if this cruise was to celebrate our wonderful news, my pregnancy.

"Lady, I've been hoovering up at the trough three times a day, that's no baby." I actually wasn't mad or upset because I did think it was funny (all those hours at the gym obviously are wasted!).

She says, I just feel like I know you and I love you!

Her husband was mortified and my husband was oblivious. When he heard me telling someone this story, he was all, Really?


So, now that I'm fat, I'm going to eat that second cannoli.

Sorry for hijacking the comments.

Hi to my other bloggies! > Waves <

Unknown said...

If someone asked me that, I'd reply "due for what?"

Anonymous said...