The Way They Were

I admit that I was a little concerned about how Andrea Bocelli and the kids from Americal Idol would get on. I expected footage of Andrea feeling everyone's faces and necks to see how they shaped up. But nope, David Foster came along for the ride and was in awesome bitch slappin' form. No big love for Mr. Foster but he got those yappy kids to shut up and listen for a minute.

A few sour notes (Hi Paris!):

I'm colour blind and think that I could have done better than that inflammatory one/two pink/blue shirt/tie combo Ryan. Amping up the colour volume did not restore Andrea's sight and to boot, I think I'm a little blinder now so, thanks.

The Idols filed in behind the piano as Andrea sang and I will always treasure the does he know we're here looks on their faces.

Katharine - Nice Polly Pissy Pants dress there. Ditto on the panty lines and squished in boobs.
I thought you did a good job but I may have just been confused by the dress.

And can't your stupid father stay at home and cry? I hope he's on the disability so he doesn't have the shame of going back to work and trying to figure out how to keep that soggy head of his up.

Elliott - Way to go snagging all that camera time and kicking the shit out of that song. This was your night. Once you make small 's' stars like Kevin Nealon tear up, you're golden. Best singing of the night.

Best breakdown of the night? Who could top a tear streaked Paula Abful declaring her love for you on national television? Whoever signed her up for 3 more years of crazy knows what they're doing, she's thisclose.

Unchained Melody - unroll that corn cob out of your harr and stop singing this shit if you can't sing this shit. You figure Sela Ward's gonna spot for you? Let me know how that goes.

Paris and Joely Fisher up a tree F-A-I-L-I-N-G. Picture this, you, on a turntable, with a car, singing Volare but in a really pitchy ear splitting way.

Ladies and gentlemen, the role of the Velveteen Rabbit will be played by Taylor Hicks.
The role of Tori Spelling will be played by parts made up of the old Tori Spelling.

I don't know if it was my HD or what but there was either dandruff, lint or some low grade glitter on Taylor's shoulders. Smooth.

Chris - David told you you needed to use your diaphragm, not your hooker wife's diaphragm. Hate your warble and hate that you look like a really intense tall Mini Me.

I can't wait to see if they keep up with the mood lighting and blind guys theme next year.


chelene said...

I watched the last 10 minutes of the show just so I could say something!!

1) Paula lost her mind at least 6 times. I saw it happen. At one point during her feedback to Taylor I thought she'd slipped into a parallel universe where people communicate with crazy eyes.

2) Chris is hot but I don't like the um...vibrato he utilizes. It's annoying. And I hated his song choice.

3) Taylor should be booted.

Dale said...

It's a threeway of shame tonight between Paris, Taylor and Kelly I'm thinking.

Hilarious comments Chelene considering you nailed so much in so little time.

One look at Paula and you just know she was dropped on her head as a cheerleader.

n.v. said...

Spot on, chap. Why do you sound like me? Must be the frothing hatred.

Dale said...

Frothing hatred with a side of scorn bread.