8/11/2006

Itchy & Scratchy

Being full of virtue, pure of heart and rarely ill (lucky me), I've got a million sick days banked at work. If I ever need them (perish the thought), I can set them free and let them surround me with their downy love.

The folks I work with seem to think that if they don't take their sick days right away, they'll get all soggy floating in the milk. So they all call in sick. A lot. I don't understand this attitude.

One wipe of a guy I know calls in sick a fair bit and I usually get stuck doing his work. He always has elaborate and implausible tales of medical emergencies suffered by him or his elderly parents. There's never any real evidence that anything's actually been wrong and people always see him on the Jumbotron at the ball game and things like that. I hear his parents are hale and hearty as well.

He'll be off on legitimate vacation soon for a few weeks and I was laughing to myself today thinking that the worst possible break he could get at this point would be to have his parents kick off while on a pre-arranged holiday. Knowing him, he'd prop them up and kill them all over again after he got back to work for more time off.

Assholes like this give me lice.

26 comments:

jin said...

Ewww...dale, if you have lice maybe you should take a sick day & go to the doctor.

(I'm trying desperately not to picture how you got lice from an asshole.....now I may need to take a sick day for some therapy.)

Beth said...

Maybe he just loves the idea of you doing his work.

Dale said...

I'm scratching right now Jin. Okay, I'm not. I was just going for a special feeling I guess with that comment.

Maybe you're right Beth. So many people I run into have such a huge sense of entitlement and it along with everything else makes me nuts. I'm all for vacation days though (I'm taking one right now).

Bluez628 said...

Lack of work ethic. Nothing pisses me off more. I am forever covering someone's desk when they call out a sick day. Me? I took today off but worked late last night to make sure no one had to touch my desk. My work ethic goes un noticed but believe me, if it were up to me, those who don't give a crap should be less rewarded at review time. Bastids! I don't know how some people get away with it.

Tanya Espanya said...

I need a sick day...it's too hot, it's too cold, I couldn't sleep, I'm packing for my vacation, I'm hungry, I'm not bovvered.

Ultra Toast Mosha God said...

Ha ha!

I take sickies occasionally. My boss got a bottle of cheap wine for not taking any last year.

Reward those who are not frail!

I would rather have the day off. It's worth more....

chelene said...

Well, I'll admit that I have taken the occasional "mental health" day (cough, cough). However, I just blew three sick days when I had pneumonia so I'll have to be diligent for the rest of the year.

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Reese said...

Hey Daley,

Yeah, I'll sometimes take an unpaid day off, rather than just phoning in sick and getting a paid day off.

The reason I do that is bcse I CANNOT phone in and PRETEND to be sick. To me it's just ridiculous. And you can't phone in sounding all chipper, now can you? Grrr.

Also, when you're on a sick day and you're out and about in town, you're always worried someone from work is going to see you. So you can't really enjoy yourself.

Dale said...

I guess they get away with it because we keep showing up Bluez.

Once again Tanya, you need a new photo. You're cranky and I don't call packing for trips working so much as packing. I'm sending you packing.

Cheap wine? Maybe that's not the best incentive Ultra Toast is it? The frail should be trampled. Unless I'm feeling that way at any given moment.

It's just that showing up is one of the only things I'm really good at Chelene. And it gives me a temporary superiority complex so I'm gonna keep going to work. Cough.

Hey Pat, you better not have taken a fucking sick day to shoot those photos.

You're a good (wonder) woman Reese. I've had bosses tell me that they'd prefer if people just called and said I won't be in today rather than the elaborate crazy rambling adding to the lie as you go excuse. Maybe that could work for you? I usually take a vacation day.

mat said...

Beware not ever taking a sick day. I just recently changed jobs, and to my horror, unused sick days were not payable like unused vacation time. 12 weeks worth of sick days were flushed down the toilet! I may have to modify my attitude this time around!

Dale said...

Yes Mat, the sad thing is if I were to leave or retire, they'd only get paid out at 50% of their worth which is better than nothing but...I cannae win!

Peter said...

I do hope your colleague's parents kick-it while he's on vacation. Any excuse for a real life "Weekend at Bernie's".

Totally off the subject:
I know you're a cinophile, Dale. Have you seen the movie "Junebug" yet? If not, I am putting in a request that you watch it and write a blog reveiw--at your convenience, off course.

--I'm punching out.

Dale said...

Pierre - I'll punch you out...get back to work. Actually I have seen Junebug and I approved (I'm sure the makers were waiting with baited breath for that). Have you not seen it yet?

Tanya Espanya said...

Dale, Pierre, Junebug is on my list. Dale I think you said the girl reminds you of me, or something? Haven't seen it yet. Am too busy changing my profile picture. Is this one okay now?

Old Lady said...

I am with you on the sick days. I only use them when I am sick. Karma, dude, it's out there and waiting!

Ben said...

Isn't it always the same. Every office in every nation has at least one malingerer who pushes the boundaries. It always puts so much pressure on everyone else, and breeds contempt.

justacoolcat said...

Jin wonders "I'm trying desperately not to picture how you got lice from an asshole" and I'm thinking Dale, if it itches down there it might not be lice.

I'm just saying.

I presonally found this inspiring enough to not do any actual work the rest of the day. After all, I took mon - wed off for camping where I fully intend to catch a cold.

Wordv: yippy

Peter said...

Heck yeah, Dale, I saw it last night. I DOUBLE-approve!

Getting back to work is for the birds. It's casual friday and that means an extended lunch break, TWO nap times, then cut out early to beat the weekend traffic!

haahnster said...

I would complain about sick-day-using bastards right along with everyone else. However, I just missed Mon-Wed this week, myself. Though it was the first time in several years, I'd be shocked if there weren't at least a couple judgmental bastards sitting at their desks thinking, "3 days?! No way..."

So, whatever. On a brighter note (for them, not me), no one does my work when I'm not here. Hence, I spent 2 hours in the office Tuesday evening (after everyone else had gone home, to avoid spreading my germs) making sure a Wednesday morning deadline was met.

Again, I say, whatever.

Shroom-Monkey said...

I have to take the standard once a month Mental Health Holiday. It is absolutely necessary.... My boss seems to understand this, because when I begin to check out I become really useless... I usually just sit there with my head on my desk, pretending I am not there. My boss suggested the idea, he is a moron. I can't believe they still pay me.... I am really fucking useless....

Dale said...

Tanya - that fits you better - meow. And yes, I said the girl in Junebug sort of reminded me of you. Take note of that Peter, haha. She won't hurt me until later.

It all comes out in the wash or something like that doesn't it Old Lady?

We seem to have tons of them in my workplace Ben. But I'm the only one who gets to wear the miter of judgement there.

You might be right Coolcat - just seeing Tommy Lee on tv the other night probably gave me crabs (stolen from Kathy Griffin). And I'm off today on a holiday day and doing occasional work around the house. Camping sounds good. Don't catch the cold.

As long as you double approve Peter, you're good to slack a bit. Amy Adams was so excellent in it and deserved that Oscar nod didn't she? She broke my heart. The film was sort of like one big culture clashing look at humanity. Go write a review.

You're a good man Haahnster (as long as you spared the folks at the Falls). I have no quarrel with anyone who's actually sick. That is what the days are there for. It's when people abuse them that I get rankled. Plus I'm a cranky old bastard anyway so it doesn't take much.

It's your eyes Shroomy, they're the windows to your uselessness. So preeeettttty. You've got them all fooled. Metal health, let's change it to that. Devil horns ready and go!

Tanya Espanya said...

This 'wipe of a guy' that calls in sick...that's not you, is it?

Where are you today, anyhoodle?

Dale said...

I'm right here and no, that ain't me.

X. Dell said...

Wishing for his parents to croak is kinda extreme. Maybe it would suffice if your colleague came down with a two-week virus at the start of his vacation.

Dale said...

Oh I wouldn't wish it X. Dell, I just think it would be ridiculously funny. If he came down with the virus, he'd bring a note from the doctor and have his vacation time put back.